False assault claim made about me

[i8gratedcheddar]

Summary: accidentally hit husband in the face when he told me of infidelity and he’s reported me to the police.

I hope someone has some advice which might help. Last week I found out my husband and been having an affair with someone I’ve suspected for a while but he’s always denied. We were sat in the car in a car park when he also admitted during the marriage he’s had a few one night stands and used sex workers.
I was very angry and I admit I went to hit him across the face. He grabbed my wrists before I was able to and whilst shaking my fists and writhing to get free, I did ‘punch’ him in the mouth. I admit I had originally tried to hit him and only didn’t as he stopped me, but when I did catch him, it was because I’d been trying to get free not because I was still trying to hit him.
His lip bled as in it produced blood, but it wasn’t dripping down his face and it stopped almost immediately when he dabbed it with a tissue. We stayed there and talked/argued for a couple of hours before leaving. His lip didn’t start bleeding again but he said a few times as he looked in the mirror he wondered whether it needed stitches. I told him to stop over egging it and it was fine. He had facial hair so nothing was visible, literally not a trace of any injury whatsoever, and he didn’t show me what he claimed was wrong with it, like “Look at how bad it is.”

Sorry I’m rambling, but want to give all the details.

I asked him to leave when we got home and he went willingly. That evening our DC (unaware of any issue and thought he was still at work) wanted to call him. I made the call to say DC wanted to speak to him and he told me he was at A&E to get his lip checked. I said that was a dramatic reaction as it wasn’t that bad. He said he was pretty sure his lip was split so he wanted someone to check it. He didn’t need any treatment and left. Exchanged messages with me later on saying how sorry he was about the situation.

Turns out he told the A&E nurse I punched him. Said he felt safe at home but was going elsewhere anyway and didn’t need them to do anything further.
He then called the police to log the incident but just told them he wanted it logged but didn’t want it to go any further. They asked if he wanted them to come and talk to me, but he said no.

When he told me what he’d done he said he immediately regretted it, although his thought at the time was that he didn’t want me to have all this stuff on him about what he’d done so he wanted something on me and was scared I’d try and stop him seeing DC

He said he’s sorry he did that and will call the police he spoke with tomorrow and say he made it up, but said they might not be able to do anything now it’s logged. He also said he’s worried that he will get in trouble for wasting police time and potentially get sacked from work.

Firstly, WTF?!

Secondly can someone just call and say you’ve done something but they don’t want it to go any further, but the person accused never find out that’s been said about them? They’ve not contacted me and said they won’t because he didn’t want them to.
What will the police do with this information about me if he doesn’t call them to withdraw what he alleged? Or even if he does update them that he made it up, what will be held on file for me?
Is that going to be on some kind of record for me for any amount of time? Could that effect my job?

Is it likely he would get in trouble for wasting police time? Mostly I don’t care if he does but then losing his job when we’re just about to go through what looks to be a messy divorce wouldn’t be ideal… it’d be awful in fact.

Can I call the police and discuss the case myself with the crime number to check he’s said what he’s said he will? Husband said they probably won’t talk to me as it was him who made the call.

Our GP has been informed by A&E and want a phone call with him next week. He said he will probably cancel it.
He said he told a solicitor he’s contacted for advice, but won’t use that solicitor going forward.
He said he’s taken pictures but not shown anyone. He said A&E and the police didn’t take any pictures nor ask for any to be sent to them.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end and TIA for any advice.

OP's partner has a history of violence against his partner and sexually abusing other women (which is what "using sex workers" is). Highly unlikely that's going to apply to your hypothetical woman.

Good to know that there are some things the victim can do to make the assault his/her fault though 👌

No, its up to the police and the CPS whether a case is pursued - however cases where the victim is unwilling to give evidence against the perpetrator are by their nature much weaker - and it might well be seen as not in the public interest to pursue them.

You did hit him, so you did commit an offence of domestic violence (deserved though it may morally have been) - as its reported its now up to you.

My advice is, if you want the best chance of it going away do not communicate with the police, if they contact you do not speak with them without a solicitor present.

Did he bruise your wrist where he had hold of you, if so take pictures it shows that you hit him while trying to get your hand free, not in the initial attempt. He's making it sound like you just hauled off and punched.
Not that any hitting or grabbing is right, but he is trying to make it was all innocent on his part.

Yes, you can, but the police will look into what evidence supports that claim, and if there is none, they will simply not pursue it.

If I said Mr X hit me, and he didn't, most likely the police will take no action because there will be no proof of it happening, they would likely talk to the parties involved.

I had a spurious claim made against me years ago, a police officer visited, had a chat, phoned up a few days later having concluded it was a load of tosh and no further action was being taken.

But you did hit him, so it doesn't count here!

OP I don’t think you are going to get the sort of advice you need here - people will have contradictory views on what might happen from the police, and will have different takes (sadly) from experience but it’s not worth worrying about what might happen.
You will have to wait it out.

Whatever you do don’t engage with him again about the incident or the cheating.
Move to start separation.

If the police contact you get legal advice.

Assault does not have to be intentional and the police can determine if charging and subsequent prosecution is viable and in the public interest- if indeed your husband has reported it to them.

You know you ought not to have tried to slap or punch him and you are aware of the potential charges. Now it’s just a wait and see but carry on with separation to protect yourself from future scenarios.

Yes, and the problem for op is that he had a visible cut lip which is EXACTLY why he ran to A&E, plus making that police report. He knows exactly what he's doing, he will be using this as evidence, and there is zero chance of him dropping this.

As I said in my pp, I was with someone who turned out to be like this, and boy did he use everything against me. Even though in my case I didn't actually go to hit him.

Yes I hit him as he was physically restraining me and I was trying to free myself

we were having an argument - he had surprised me with admitting he used prostitutes and been having a affair

Are you the op?

You have a valid point, in this case the OPs "D"H can indeed use this against her in the future if he is a devious little shit - and on past form he certainly is that.

Regardless of the fact she did hit him, he knew the consequences of making a report to the police. If my wife hit me and cut my lip, assuming I didn't want to bank it for future reference I wouldn't tell a medical professional exactly what happened and I wouldn't go and call the police - you are right, he knows what he's doing.

But at the moment alas its the OP who is on the back foot, as her action legally trumps his infidelities and philandering ways - he's a nasty bit of work.

In my experience, its advisable to contact a solicitor specialising in criminal law, they (or their clerk) will take a brief note of what happened, will tell you not to contact the police and to call them immediately if requested to go for an interview, it will already be logged with them as a potential case and save time.

In this kind of situation the OP may be asked to go to a voluntary interview - these seem just that, but representation is vital, as they can rapidly progress to charging or arrest.

Reverse the roles op. Wife says she’s cheating, man assaults her. Whay would the responses be, the fact you didn’t act when he did it years ago doesn’t change it.

this marriage is a shit show you’re both better off out of, cheating, violence. You’re both behaving like animals; and there are kids involved.

This.

The criminal justice system doesn't care what happened years ago and they don't care what your reasons are for doing it - hitting him - now.

They care about whether or not a criminal offence has been committed.

That's their only job.

Just tell the truth. What you described: he was restraining you and you hurt him trying to get away in the middle of an emotional row about his cheating. You are sorry that happened.

'Reversing the roles' is almost always pointless but in any case this is just all round bad. The relationship needs to end and you need to try and be as grown up as possible for the kids' sake. There's no point trying to blame or deflect in what is a situation that by the sound of it should have ended years ago, or try to make sure the truth about your H comes out, or anything else that is not practical. Focus on the future and your kids. What can you do now to make the future more safe and certain?

This times a million.

Two things can be true at once, right? 1) you did assault him and there may well be consequences for that.
2) he has absolutely taken what’s happened and ran with it: external proof, a police report, something to hold over your head until the end of time.

You need to lawyer up and proceed with the divorce.
There’s not much you can do about the police right now apart from cross your fingers it doesn’t go anywhere. Given the sustained violence many women face while the police do nothing I do find it hard to believe there would be a prosecution, but that’s outwith your control now.

YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT THIS.

You are essentially handing him more ammo. He’s probably recording your calls and I think it would be easy to turn ‘please talk to the police’ into ‘my violent ex then tried to coerce me into keeping quiet about her abuse.’

He is not your friend.

You hit him? Yes he cheated but you still hit him and planned to hit and that’s absolutely inexcusable. You need to seek guidance now because this will come up in your divorce and rightly so will go against you .

He will probably say he restrained you in self defense which is true, you went to hit him, he grabbed your wrists and somehow in that Russel he got injured, he knew what would happen and telling the police , solicitor and hospital ensures it's all on record. Don't speak to him, don't text or reply to any messages. At least he's gone, what's the house and financial situation, how old are the children, are you safe. Start divorce ASAP before he does, he's had affairs, put your health at risk, emotionally abused you.

I mean he still seems like an awful person

He is very very clever and very very manipulative. Take care OP. Get a good solicitor

How do you know any of what he is even true, you've no proof he told the police, hospital or solicitor, it could all be made up to make himself a victim but a good guy really because he regrets it now.

yes absolutely this. Op if police contact you just be completely honest and remorseful. If you feel you have anger issues then seek help. I am sorry he is a cheating fucker, I really am. I hope you have real life support.

Oh ffs it is all innocent on his part in this circumstance (legally anyway). She tried to punch him and he grabbed her wrists in self defence to protect himself. That’s entirely proportionate. It does not make him part of the violence.

A woman I know was slapped around the face by her partner earlier this year and punched him in the face in return. She called the police and told them what happened then later withdrew her support (refused statements etc). They went forward with prosecution anyway and his lawyer told him to expect a custodial sentence. He offered a guilty plea to a lower offence which they accepted and he got off with a community order.

You did try to assault him and while he was trying to stop you, you did hit him. No serious damage done, but you are not innocent. If he doesn't want to press charges and says it was accidental I would think nothing will happen. But watch your temper.

He’s a manipulative bastard and using this opportunity to change your shared history to make him look reasonable.

Don't let anyone fall for it. See a solicitor and take him down!!!!

It's not up to him to press charges or not, I would concentrate on getting divorced.