Proving ex-dw is unfit to gain full custody

[18KTguy]

Seeking Advice: Custody & Admissibility of Evidence confirming ex-dw is unfit parent

I am pursuing full custody (currently 50/50 mutual agreement) as I no longer trust my ex-dw's judgment. She is simultaneously seeing two ex-partners who are legally barred from being around her home and most importantly when our kids are there due to safeguarding concerns during their relationships(ex-2 was arrested for engaging in illegal activities at her home(drug selling), and ex-1 was arrested for stalking, harassment and verbal abuse around our children (outside her home and including at the kids’ school gates). Both have a history of domestic violence prior to her(She ignored Claire’s law concerns i shared with her each time as she was so in love).

Her friend contacted me and has confirmed both men have been present at her home in the last two weeks(simultaneously). For ex-2 I have proof that kids were there but I doubt they saw him. Evidence includes WhatsApp messages with her friend and her own direct apologies to me confirming her "poor judgment" after I confronted her about it. I also have evidence of past neglect (child wandered to a neighbor's house at night while she was locked away having sex in her house) and many other concerning behaviours i.e drug use whilst kids are in her care(including her own bloody parents).

Her friends and family typically cover up the severity of her choices as they do not know the true picture of her lifestyle or choices(I know as we have been best of friends on good days) and also it is because her mental health declines every now and then when she faces the music.

My questions are for those with legal or custody experience:

1. Given the prior safeguarding orders, is the evidence I've gathered over time likely to be admissible and sufficient to support a full custody claim? evidence: WhatsApp exchanges(between her, her mother, these men, her friends, texts, videos, pictures, bank transfers(to drug dealers), and friend’s contact to me all highlighting and confirming things i deem to prove her to be unfit
2. I anticipate she will threaten suicide if she believes she will lose the children so I am careful to not reveal or confront her with the evidence I have been gathering over time . How should I approach mediation or can i just go to court) and what do you suggest i do to present my evidence specifically in the context of family court proceedings to ensure it does not backfire on the outcome?

To confirm , I have sat on other evidence for long as she has been seeking professional help for herself but having broken legally biding orders now has got me fuming. For context, I managed to go through her phone when she has been either high, drunk or just her revealing these things willingly in that state as we have been the best of friends in good times.

NB: I posted full story in relationship section

I'd have issues with it as well when my kids were around it, there are ways to conduct your personal life that means not everyone, including the kids, are exposed to it. I'd say the same if it were a man doing it whilst responsible for kids, I'm not singling women out, any parent who puts their own needs, sexual or otherwise, before the welfare of their kids should not be defended.

Is there a court order in place?

Trying to get one hence asking here, we had a written mutual agreement but she does not seem to care from what i see. so I was asking if my evidence can be enough and be taken seriously if i go down that route. I do not have money to splurge and have a rubbish outcome so I am trying to be sure.

imho you need to report the breaches of the orders keeping those men away to the police, with the evidence you have.

I'd also report to Social Services, and refuse to let her remove the kids from your home.

Ok that sounds very messy indeed. I really don't know what to say but I feel bad for your kids.

This. Real simple. If there's a breach of an order, police. If these men are for any reason not allowed around children, the police need to know they are going somewhere that children stay. For safeguarding reasons you also need to report it if it's your ex that's breached an order.

Report your concerns to the local authority safeguarding team and only allow your ex supervised contact. This could be at your house if she will agree, or contact could take place with her own family at their house. Tell her clearly that due to allowing these men into her home and the risk of them being around your children, you cannot allow her to have them away from your home. If she doesn't like it, she can get a solicitor herself and contest it. But it sounds like she won't be in a position to.

Don't enable her by allowing her to stay with you. She can come and see the kids, but then she has to go home to her own house and she needs to focus on sorting her life out. She won't do that if you continue to enable her nonsense. And if she threatens suicide, call 999 for a welfare check or the crisis team if you are concerned she is in immediate danger. And for goodness sake, stop covertly recording her and going through her phone, as these behaviours from you could be deemed abusive or coercively controlling and you don't want to open yourself to counter allegations.

Calmly tell her what you know and what you have decided, set clear boundaries to safeguard your children, and let the relevant authorities deal with the rest. Stop trying to rescue her. She isn't your responsibility, but your children are.

I would be interested in tracking an exs behaviour if they were doing things like this whilst responsible for my children...I think most parents would be

Agree @LetsFlyHighAway - ex's behaviour is way off and I can understand why he does need to know. I suppose he's been trying to collect evidence, but there's something creepy and off about the way he's been claiming to try and support this woman while covertly monitoring and tracking her.

Pretty sure that the ex dw's poor taste in men also includes OP, sounds like he's just the best of a bad bunch.

Yeah. It all sounds a bit of a mess.