Husband refusing to pay mortgage

[ThisOliveHelper]

Hi all. Please can I get some urgent advice. I have been married for a year and a half and my husband and I have a mortgage. He usually pays 70% of it and if pay 30% of it proportional to our salaries. He earns 3x the amount I do but has always wanted me to pay 50% of it. Since we separated in April 2025 he hasn't been consistently paying me for all council tax and water bills that are in my name. The mortgage was originally coming out from his bank account and I would transfer my proportion to him but he has taken the direct debit off his account and sent me threatening emails and is now refusing to pay the mortgage at all during the coming months. My solicitor is writing to him to remind him of his obligations but outside of this ive been advised that the pnly thing i can do is take him to court which i cant afford to do. Outside of this is there anything else that i can do because the morrgage company are saying i need his consent to switch the mortgage tobinterest only to sell the house or extend the term whilst the divorce is happening. I dont know how much more i can cope with that i feel like just signing the house over to him and walking away. Does anyone know what i can do please as I dont think ive got very far with the bank or the solicitor

IME if any kind of abuse is involved and recorded you could get legal aid or the costs paid in full if you need to take him to court

Have you reported his abuse to the police?

Divorce most certainly does not affect credit 'scores' (which is a made-up thing anyway, but it doesn't affect your credit record). Source - I am a debt advisor.

tried to edit my message to post this link

https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/sample-letters-to-get-evidence-of-domestic-abuse

OP you need proper legal advice, not on here. If neither of you can afford to buy the other out, the house needs to be sold - you can get a court order to force this if he refuses. You might well qualify for legal aid due to DA.

A couple of solicitors had said to me due to the matrimonial causes act that I would be entitled to 50% as a starting point.

In terms of the abuse I have reported it to the police. I called legal aid this morning and they said on the basis of my salary and wages I would not qualify for legal aid. They said I can look at working through it on the basis of domestic abuse but even then it would still be unlikely because there is a financial element to it. For reference my salary is about 50k but all of the money I had in my savings went on the wedding and the house and I pay rent to my parents. So im stressed with paying mortgage, rent and solicitor fees. Im happy to walk away with a lump sum but its this interim mortgse payment that is the problem

Its probably better to use spare rooms dot com and get into a house share in the OPs position - it seems as if money is an issue and a cheaper rental place without the formal credit checks would work better.

what do you actually want? A stress free parting and take £35k and move on or to have stress and walk away with anything between £35k and 50%

I'm not sure that is correct. It's tends to apply when there is a long or medium length marriage and yours would be defined as short.I can't see a judge awarding much more but to get a decision will cost you 25k at a minimum in legal fees.

The usual agreement, after a very short marriage,is to restore assets as to the start of marriage. If you want 40k and put in 30k but he's offered £35k I think that's reasonable.

Selling a property after a short period will result in losses for both parties because the outlay to purchase isn't recouped.

If you are arguing over 5k then I think that's foolish as your health and well being is better served by settling and moving on.

Pay your share of the mortgage, take the lump sum, move on without him, the house and mortgage will no longer be your problem.

I don’t know about it being ‘better’. I wouldn’t like to be living with randoms in a HMO (perhaps OP would) but needs may have to must, I suppose.

You may have filed for divorce but you need to apply for financial remedy for the court to sort the house - presumably you don’t have the conditional order yet?

In the meantime, consider applying for an occupation order under the family law act. You do not need a solicitor to do this. The court has power to regulate who lives in the house in the short term, and also to make orders about how the mortgage is to be discharged (s40). Other than maintenance pending suit which I believe you’ve had advice on, that’s your route to ask the court for him to pay the mortgage.

50% is always the starting point, but it's not realistic to think that you will get anywhere near that given your situation with such a short marriage and no kids. 35K is a really good offer in your situation.

Hello,
this is a form of economic abuse and it’s important you talk to your bank and explain that. There is far greater awareness of economic abuse now and the bank should have staff who understand the position you are in at the hands of your ex abuser.
I would also encourage you to contact the charity Surviving Economic Abuse for support and guidance - this is a common form of retribution and your bank should be understanding. However, it would be good to have the support of SEA to advise and guide you.
You aren’t alone, you won’t lose everything - but please talk to your bank about your situation.

So the house is worth less than what you paid for it?

If that is so, and you only paid £30k deposit and trying to extricate yourself from an abusive ex, then I would offer to sign the house over to him at no cost to him. You have already lost a chunk of your deposit due to falling house price. After legal fees trying to force a sale you would be left with very little.

The 111k he put down includes stamp duty.

I've just had a further set of messages from him and after all this he is telling me he wants to make things work and doesn't want to lose me. He has over the last few months flipped and flopped about whether to buy me out or not. He is now claiming he is unsure about whether to buy me out or not.

Ideally I would love to walk away from this with my credit score in tact and 35k but he is so inconsistent and this is where it is a problem. And even with maintenance pending suit I feel worried becayse I dont know how much that will cost in court fees.

If he doesn't agree to buying me out what is the next best way to resolve any dispute kver the pe4centage of equity I should get without having to go to court.

50% is unrealistic for such a short marriage and I can understand why your husband is not happy with that considering he contributed so much more than you initially. If you'd been married 20 years it would make sense. Would you be happy if he was coming after 50% if you'd contributed more than 3x the amount for the deposit?

If the house has not increased in value, and it sounds as though it hasn't, then there is no equity and the £10k you've spent on mortgage payments are basically lost. You need to think of it like you've paid rent for your accommodation for the past 18 months. If he's offering £35k to get this sorted then I'd strongly consider it, otherwise you're going to come out of this a whole lot worse off if the bank repossesses.

I think you would be onto a very good deal if you walked away with just the £30k you put in. To expect any more than that would be unfair seeing as the house hasn’t increased in value.

Yeah i understand that you've paid mortgage payments, but what you've paid wont even have scratched the sides on what the interest rate must be on that mortgage... I would see it as you paid him rent and thats now gone, I think 35k would be a great deal tbh - you would be left with so little if you had to go the legal route, and you wouldn't make any more if the house sold anyway, surely the capital remaining is still basically the same after such a short time?

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

Hi OP,

Get onto Rights of Women: the written guides in Marriage, Divorce and Finances will be useful to you to understand the legal starting point for the split of any matrimonial property.

I have no useful advice on managing the financial stress but I see in your latest post that your husband is now flip flopping. THIS IS A CONTROL TACTIC. DO NOT GO BACK.

He is an abuser. He either wants a kick out of reeling you back in so he can debase and abuse you further, or he's realised what he stands to lose in terms of money, convenience and/or reputation. Stay on here, speak to Womens' Aid, read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, look up the abuser profiles, look up the Freedom Program - whatever, just do not allow yourself to be subsumed back into his realm of abuse. We are all backing you.

I would go to court they can make an order over the joint property. From what you have said you can’t resolve it amicably so you don’t really have a choice. Keep record of every interaction with mortgage company.

Can I also just ask what is the correct way of dealing with the utilities like gas and electric gping forwards and water and internet. Should I be expected to pay a contribution to this?

Don't reply to his emails, he knows he is being unreasonable and that he also stands to lose if the mortgage payments are not made. I'd get a new solicitor and keep all dealings with his solicitor through them, don't engage with him. They need to get it in writing what he is prepared to pay you, no dilly dally, walk away with 35k and your head held high.

If you are solely named on them then they can chase you for whole amount. Who is now living in the property?