Husband refusing to pay mortgage

[ThisOliveHelper]

Hi all. Please can I get some urgent advice. I have been married for a year and a half and my husband and I have a mortgage. He usually pays 70% of it and if pay 30% of it proportional to our salaries. He earns 3x the amount I do but has always wanted me to pay 50% of it. Since we separated in April 2025 he hasn't been consistently paying me for all council tax and water bills that are in my name. The mortgage was originally coming out from his bank account and I would transfer my proportion to him but he has taken the direct debit off his account and sent me threatening emails and is now refusing to pay the mortgage at all during the coming months. My solicitor is writing to him to remind him of his obligations but outside of this ive been advised that the pnly thing i can do is take him to court which i cant afford to do. Outside of this is there anything else that i can do because the morrgage company are saying i need his consent to switch the mortgage tobinterest only to sell the house or extend the term whilst the divorce is happening. I dont know how much more i can cope with that i feel like just signing the house over to him and walking away. Does anyone know what i can do please as I dont think ive got very far with the bank or the solicitor

Thank you for your reply. So the issue i have is thst I explained this all to the bank but because my husband has all of October to make the payment they will not act on anything until the mortgage goes into arrears. And even at that point they will do an income and outgoing assessment with me and determine what level of mortgage I can pay.

I just wonder if anyone knows of any other avenue or legal mechanism that I can use to get my husband to respond to paying because it is far easier if he just pays his share but as mentioned after this thread I now feel additional worry over the work of my solicitor and whether he is handling this appropriately

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - it sounds incredibly tough. You do have some options though, and you don’t need to just walk away. I typed my response into chatgpt that has tidied my points up a bit.

• Mortgage & bills: Because the mortgage is joint, the lender can chase both of you, but they can’t just ignore you. Ask to be put through to their specialist “vulnerable customer” team and explain this is a domestic abuse situation. Many lenders now have policies to help in exactly these circumstances (including the Mortgage Charter).
• Legal aid: If you can show evidence of domestic abuse (the threatening emails will help), you should qualify for legal aid for family law and housing matters. That means you can take action in court without having to pay thousands. It’s worth ringing the Civil Legal Advice helpline (0345 345 4 345) or Rights of Women (020 7251 6577) to check.
• Court options: You could apply for a non-molestation order (to stop his threatening behaviour) or an occupation order (to set out who lives in the home while divorce is ongoing). The court also has powers in the divorce process to make financial remedy orders, including forcing sale of the property or redistributing assets if he won’t cooperate.
• Support: Please don’t feel you have to cope alone. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, 24/7) and Women’s Aid can give both emotional support and practical help dealing with banks and solicitors.

You don’t need to sign the house over or give up. There are routes forward and support out there.

Have a look at the charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA). They focus entirely on economic abuse and have lots of free, practical guidance on their website covering different forms it can take. They also campaign to change systems that enable abuse, including the misuse of joint mortgages. Their resources are survivor-focused and may give you some useful next steps and support options.

If the mortgage isn’t paid then it will damage both your credit records so it’s in his interest to ensure it is paid - if he ever wants to buy another house that is.

You need to ring the police and get them to deal with this. Financial abuse is illegal.

also, he can’t evict you from a a property you party own. You need every single step of this documented and the police are the best to do this AND it will scare the shit into him and hopefully persuade him to sell up and or change the mortgage

Are the police aware of the domestic violence?

Move back into the house, it's your house also, call the police if he causes you problems

Take in a lodger to help pay the bills

Call a dv charity for advice. I think you can report him to police and then register an occupation order or something like that and a non molestation order so you can stay in the house and he has to keep away from you.
you will need to go to court for finances. You don’t need a lawyer to do everything. Join family law Facebook groups for advice they’re great.

I would also do this, I doubt he would be expecting it and it could just work. Whatever you do, don’t sign over the house to him. Taking a lodger could help (if you don’t have children). Do whatever it takes to hang onto that house - as a single person not earning a high wage, you may never get on the property ladder again if you walk away from it.

How long were you together prior to the marriage and do you have children?

Because you have only been married a year and a half, and separated for 6 months already you might not be entitled to anymore than what you came with and since the value of the house has decreased so much it won't be much at all.

From what I can see the house was purchased for around £551K, it's now worth £520K and the total equity is down to £110K. You have to then subtract the costs involved in selling + early mortgage repayment fee which takes the equity down to about 100K and you would be entitled to around £20K. This is if you sell at the price it has been valued at and that is definitely not guaranteed either. You could easily spend £20K or more on legal fees and mortgage payments whilst he drags this out.

It's not fair of course, but to save your credit score and to get this done quickly would be worth offering that he buys you out for £10K or so and that you then just both keep what you came with?

Thank you. Sorry to update the finances the house is valued at 520k the same we bought it for. He put 111k down which included 36500 towards the higher rate stamp duty. The total deposit minus stamp was around 100000. I have considered maybe walking away with 40000 because the whole issue is thst he does not want me to walk away with 50%. He wants me to walk with 21%. There are no kids. So this is why im also wondering whether to get this clause put in the initial letter.

I initially viewed it as two issues. 1 is to sort the interim finances out. The second is to sort the longer term finances out and so i dont know if its worth me fighting for 50% of the sale of the house. Or whether it is worth me going for a lump sum but then my husband this week said on his own admission he was only willing to give me 35k when ive already put 40k toward the property myself in my deposit and mortgage contributions.

And again half my issue is thst when I suggest options like cam he buy me out or selling the property he sticks his head in the sand and refuses all options or to negotiate with me.

I don't you will get awarded 50% of the equity even if you took him to court so I wouldn't spend money fighting for that. It is a very short marriage with no children so you basically leave with what you came in with and your percentage of the deposit (inc. the stamp duty he paid) would be what you have put in. 21% is actually acurate. If he is willing to give you 35K then I would be really happy with that. You will walk away with more money than you put in for a house that hasn't increased in value. It really isn't worth fighting this and giving thousands to lawyers.

You wouldn't get 50% of the house anyway as it's a short marriage with no children.

Speak to Women's Aid. You say that your husband is abusive. Were the police involved or do you have evidence (photos/medical records etc after assault)? Legal Aid is available for those who have been in a DA situation. I put in a claim pending suit and my ex was forced by the court to reimburse me, pay the arrears and make mortgage payments. Push for an urgent hearing and ask for costs and an attachment of earnings. Also, ask that all communication is via your solicitor and then block him on everything.

Im sorry that your ex is being so difficult - to say the least

What he is doing is making you react, its a way of controlling you and is cruel

from the outside looking in its easier for me to say - stop reacting in the same way that you always react

BUT the game is he has all of October to pay the mortgage or he will find that his credit rating is affected. He is though trying it on with you, knowing that you'll panic.

The hard part is for you to sit back and not worry

You can't make his pay his 50% of the mortgage but you'll have proof you have paid 50% of the mortgage off every payment going forward (if thats what you choose to do) or pay 30% as you always did if thats what happens.
You'll have a note on your credit file showing it was DA that lead to this error in your payments

Does he contact you by email or text? If the latter then text him to state email only going forward and you'll read them once a week on a Monday - and block his number - you don't need the abuse in your hand and can control the emails better, as you don't need to read them more than once a week

legally he can't kick you out of your own home, you have every right to enter the property.

Yes i really dont know why on earth you think you would get 50% it males no sense

In your shoes, I'd be taking the £35k and considering it a win.

Forget maintenance payments, they are highly unusual and you need to embrace the fact your credit score is probably going to be an issue.

My friend who is divorcing went in to arrears when her ex stopped paying the mortgage part. He doesn’t care as is living in a paid for hime with his new GF.

Stop paying any household bills, register for council tax at whatever address you are at. I wouldn’t be paying 100% of the mortgage. Change solicitors, having supported a couple of friends through their ongoing divorces recently, your ones advice is questionable.

You both need solicitors, his offer does seem ok on the face of it. There is no way you are getting 50% of the house equity.

Take the 35k, get this abusive idiot out of your life, stop all direct contact with him, block his number, don't respond to any emails, how far along are you with the divorce. Listen to what the bank support team suggest, get rid of the solicitor and apply for legal aid for a quick divorce. You were together for a year, you won't be awarded 50%, where are you living now. Contact the council and utility companies, tell them you've moved out, you shouldn't pay bills if you don't live there, let ex sort his own shit out.

Grab the £35,000 with both hands. Forget 50:50 and maintenance, after such a short marriage with no DC, I think you're doing well to walk away with more than your initial deposit and credit in tact. More importantly, you'll be free of his abuse.

You need to go to court. Solicitors/barrister may be willing to defer fees until after the house is sold. But basically, you need the court to order sale. He also owes you rent/occupation if he's kicked you out of your house.

I know you are not saying ot but why would the op get maintenance if there is no children?

OP says it in one of hér earlier posts. I don't know anyone who has been awarded spousal maintenance after such a short marriage.

Same with my SIL. I know it's a tough time for you but deep breaths and I wouldn't worry too much about the future at the moment.

as others say, accept the 35k offer and walk away. I would be surprised though if a man like this follows through on this.

Otherwise, I think you should not have moved out, you should move back in asap if you can AND get estate agents round and get it sold.

Worth pointing out that landlords and letting agents increasingly use credit checks when assessing prospective tenants. These days, having a poor credit rating is far from ideal when you’re single and earning an average income.