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Original poster

Left baby in car for a minute

215 replies

LifeOnAmber · 21/09/2025 17:44

I need some advice.

Earlier today we were at a retail park. I was in the shop whilst my husband stayed in the car as the 15 month old was asleep and the 4 year old didn't wanna go in.

I forgot to take my purse. So he brought it into the shop whilst the kids were in the car.

Our car was directly outside the shop. Well not immediate but the second row. But it was in the eye line.

My husband popped in, handed over and went back. It took less than a minute.

When he went back out, a very cross lady was on the phone and with a face like there are abandoned children. He obviously said they are mine. She showed disapproval.

Then he hears her reading out our number plate to someone on the phone and that the parent is here. I guess she called the police?

Basically did we break the law or is it negligence? What can we expect?

OP posts:
Duckyfondant · 22/09/2025 09:08

cakedup · 22/09/2025 02:35

Gosh times have changed. Me and my sister have sat alone in the car waiting for parents to come back many a time when we were little. One time I had my head out of the window and my sister stepped on the window controls - which weirdly were positioned in between the front two seats - and the window started closing, almost strangling me as it almost reached the top. I kicked her off with my back leg and my dad came back to find us both crying, me with my head still stuck out of the window. That's the 1970s for you. I'm about a 1000 times more resilient than my ds who I wrapped up in cotton wool when he was growing up.

That's actually terrifying and if I was ever tempted to leave my kids in the car for more than a moment I'll definitely rethink it now!

Rosscameasdoody · 22/09/2025 09:09

toonananana · 22/09/2025 08:06

Why did he have to buckle the 4YO in again when he got into the car? Was child not buckled in before he left?

OP didn’t say they weren’t buckled in. She said DH was belting them in. I took that to mean car seat belt, not the buckling system on the car seat.

Rosscameasdoody · 22/09/2025 09:12

Tiswa · 22/09/2025 08:11

But she had no idea she was being OTT did she. In some circumstances it is fine in others yes it can be placing your children at risk and it can be prosecuted (paying at a garage forecourt isn’t)

at that moment even though you and your DH knew the plan she didn’t and was rightly looking out for your children.

now if a simple sorry my wife forgot her purse I was just giving it to her was had there wouldn’t be a problem

Given that she was already on the phone to the police when he got back, he didn’t get the chance to tell her that.

XiCi · 22/09/2025 09:20

There is absolutely no way he was only a few seconds. That is not time for her to notice there were kids in the car, find her phone, call the police and be connected to an operator. Were the kids screaming?, is that how she noticed they were alone?
In any case, set up google wallet/apple pay or don't be so bloody lazy next time and go and grab your purse. Can't believe you'd take even that small risk instead of moving your arse out of the queue for a minute

Moveoverdarlin · 22/09/2025 09:21

Zanatdy · 22/09/2025 05:49

Most people do the same to pay for petrol. Yes, you should have gone out to the car. You could have excused yourself once at front of till whilst assistant scanned it. But I still don’t think it was a big deal. What I do hate is other women using such a misogynistic term ‘Karen’. This ‘Karen’ could have waited a minute before acting, but assume she was acting in the best interests of your DC.

But no one parks in a petrol station. Most people are done and gone within 5 mins max. No one would ever call the authorities if they saw kids left in the car on a petrol forecourt because they would know the parents were inside paying.

The passerby in OP’s situation didn’t know if the baby and four year old had been left for 1 minute or 1 hour.

3456DDF · 22/09/2025 09:25

I was totally with you ... until you used the misogynistic and lazy term "Karen".

Grow up.

FourIsNewSix · 22/09/2025 09:33

LlamaNoDrama · 22/09/2025 08:52

But it wasn't in eye line if he popped into the shop where you were mid queue and didn't want to leave was it? Which makes me think he was probably gone longer than you said. Why wasn't the 4yo strapped in? I don't think you can blame the other woman here, she saw two young children left alone in a car and did the right thing.

Why would the 4 yo be strapped in? They car was parked, so no need to spend the whole waiting time in one position. Maybe was getting a cuddle with their father.

XiCi · 22/09/2025 09:36

What a delight you sound OP. Being nasty to other posters about their spelling (when actually their spelling was correct, how embarrassing for you 😅) and then calling other women 'Karen'. Lovely.

Squishydishy · 22/09/2025 09:48

mathanxiety · 22/09/2025 02:09

You'd be prosecuted, jailed, and lose custody of your children for that where I live. Children have died in cars here due to freezing or hot weather.

Show quote history

Where’s that? I don’t think you go to prison for leaving your baby in the car on your drive in the uk

BumpyJumpers · 22/09/2025 10:07

Dear OP,
I never post on Mumsnet but felt compelled to on this occasion. I’m sorry you’ve received so many judgemental comments on here. I suppose none of those mothers ever actually put their kids in a speeding metal box and drive them anywhere in the first place which is an inherently much greater risk than leaving them in a stationery one for a couple of minutes?!
I once left my 2 youngest in the car whilst I dropped my eldest at the school entrance. I could see the car from where I was and I made the decision to leave them rather than get them across the busy road outside the school. I took 7 minutes.
Turns out someone rang the police about me and told them the children had been in the car for 30 minutes. A policeman came to the house to speak to me about it. At the time I was going through a hard time managing anxiety. I was absolutely hysterical that someone had reported me and that I would have to be contacted by social services. I was convinced they would take the children. In the end Social Services did ring me but weren’t interested and just said try not to do it again. Don’t forget they are dealing with kids that may not even have their own bed, enough food, exposed to abuse etc. All you did was forget your purse!
The experience left me traumatised and totally paranoid for ages to the point at which I would drag my three kids across a petrol forecourt to go in and pay because I was so worried about being reported again. Much more risky than leaving them strapped into their seats.

You will be fine and I’m sorry that it’s caused you a lot of worry. The complete lack of compassion on Mumsnet these days is staggering. It used to be a safe space to get some support not a patronising verbal battering. You posted on here because you felt bad about it-lovely of so many women to compound your misery further. Don’t beat yourself up about it OP. I hope you feel better today.

Original poster
LifeOnAmber · 22/09/2025 10:54

BumpyJumpers · 22/09/2025 10:07

Dear OP,
I never post on Mumsnet but felt compelled to on this occasion. I’m sorry you’ve received so many judgemental comments on here. I suppose none of those mothers ever actually put their kids in a speeding metal box and drive them anywhere in the first place which is an inherently much greater risk than leaving them in a stationery one for a couple of minutes?!
I once left my 2 youngest in the car whilst I dropped my eldest at the school entrance. I could see the car from where I was and I made the decision to leave them rather than get them across the busy road outside the school. I took 7 minutes.
Turns out someone rang the police about me and told them the children had been in the car for 30 minutes. A policeman came to the house to speak to me about it. At the time I was going through a hard time managing anxiety. I was absolutely hysterical that someone had reported me and that I would have to be contacted by social services. I was convinced they would take the children. In the end Social Services did ring me but weren’t interested and just said try not to do it again. Don’t forget they are dealing with kids that may not even have their own bed, enough food, exposed to abuse etc. All you did was forget your purse!
The experience left me traumatised and totally paranoid for ages to the point at which I would drag my three kids across a petrol forecourt to go in and pay because I was so worried about being reported again. Much more risky than leaving them strapped into their seats.

You will be fine and I’m sorry that it’s caused you a lot of worry. The complete lack of compassion on Mumsnet these days is staggering. It used to be a safe space to get some support not a patronising verbal battering. You posted on here because you felt bad about it-lovely of so many women to compound your misery further. Don’t beat yourself up about it OP. I hope you feel better today.

Thank you. This is beautiful.

Yes my question was in the legal section to ask about the law. I don't need to be told what I should have done or feel like I need to justify everything that happened.

What's happened has happened. And there are lessons learnt. But if I've not asked for your advice, then why spew it?

I shouldnt have used Karen. Half of you are doubting the story. It literally was less than a minute. So yes, we see the woman being over zealous.

Thank you for giving me a real life example. Will just have to brace myself for when I get a call.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 22/09/2025 11:25

cakedup · 22/09/2025 02:35

Gosh times have changed. Me and my sister have sat alone in the car waiting for parents to come back many a time when we were little. One time I had my head out of the window and my sister stepped on the window controls - which weirdly were positioned in between the front two seats - and the window started closing, almost strangling me as it almost reached the top. I kicked her off with my back leg and my dad came back to find us both crying, me with my head still stuck out of the window. That's the 1970s for you. I'm about a 1000 times more resilient than my ds who I wrapped up in cotton wool when he was growing up.

And this is why we don’t leave young children in cars by themselves.

TempNameForObviousReasons · 22/09/2025 12:00

cheerupbuttercup · 22/09/2025 07:55

Let’s face it OP, you wouldn’t have left the shop to get your purse because of you precious shopping/place in the queue. Your husband wouldn’t have given your purse to a passer-by the give to you out of fear of it being stolen, and yet, you happily left very young children (presumably the most precious things you have) unattended. Doesn’t make sense really does it.

Oh for heavens sake. Stop with the histrionics.

By the way, if someone gave me a wallet full of money, I would take it, run, and not look back.
If I saw two snotty screaming kids unaccompanied in a car, the last thing I would be compelled to do is run off with them!

Such a stupid comparison.

BumpyJumpers · 22/09/2025 12:20

Hopefully you won’t get a call at all OP. I’m pretty sure the police and social workers have a lot more occupying them these days!
What virtually no one seems to appreciate here is perceived risk versus actual risk-the women having a go at you here have conflated the two things. My toddler could fall down the stairs and hit his head and break every bone in his body, he could end up being set upon by my elderly cat in a sustained and largely toothless attack, he could smother himself in jam, go outside and be immediately descended upon by a swarm of desperate end-of-season angry wasps…..all while in the safety of his own home. My point being, just because something could happen does not make it a likely consequence and being an adult mother, you are allowed to weigh up those risks for yourself and your children. Those who think that occupying the same physical space as their child somehow mitigates against any kind of risk are deluding themselves. Doubtless the very same women will claim that they have eyes on their child 100% of the time and so in their household of course there would be no stair, cat or jam-based incidents. But they don’t. Because no one does or can.

cheerupbuttercup · 22/09/2025 12:49

@TempNameForObviousReasonsok, what about leaving your wallet visible on the front seat then, or your phone, or handbag. Would you do that in a car park or do you hide them away or, possibly, take them with you when you go to ensure their safety??

spoonbillstretford · 22/09/2025 14:00

Leopardspota · 21/09/2025 19:09

Er no. Just because nothing bad happened for your kids doesn’t mean it’s safe.

Show quote history

Walking down the street with them wasn't particularly safe with narrow pavements and vans hurtling past with huge wing mirrors. A speeding car mounted the pavement at the other end of the village and hit two people on the pavement who were left with life changing injuries. There are risks inside your house, when you are at home with them. Best not to dwell on it too much.

spoonbillstretford · 22/09/2025 14:02

cheerupbuttercup · 22/09/2025 12:49

@TempNameForObviousReasonsok, what about leaving your wallet visible on the front seat then, or your phone, or handbag. Would you do that in a car park or do you hide them away or, possibly, take them with you when you go to ensure their safety??

Yeah because people really want to steal children just as much as wallets or bags 🤔

spoonbillstretford · 22/09/2025 14:04

cheerupbuttercup · 22/09/2025 12:49

@TempNameForObviousReasonsok, what about leaving your wallet visible on the front seat then, or your phone, or handbag. Would you do that in a car park or do you hide them away or, possibly, take them with you when you go to ensure their safety??

And obviously when I walk down the street, I stow my daughters away in a concealed zip pocket. Bit inconvenient now they are 5'4" and 5'9" but one does what one can 🙄

Rosscameasdoody · 22/09/2025 17:02

Moveoverdarlin · 22/09/2025 09:21

But no one parks in a petrol station. Most people are done and gone within 5 mins max. No one would ever call the authorities if they saw kids left in the car on a petrol forecourt because they would know the parents were inside paying.

The passerby in OP’s situation didn’t know if the baby and four year old had been left for 1 minute or 1 hour.

Show quote history

And yet was still on the phone to police even after the father returned, reporting the number plate as he was next to her dealing with his kids. If OP’s timeline is correct then this happened in the space of a couple of minutes. Which kind of indicates that the woman was over the top and looking to cause trouble for someone.

Rosscameasdoody · 22/09/2025 17:06

XiCi · 22/09/2025 09:20

There is absolutely no way he was only a few seconds. That is not time for her to notice there were kids in the car, find her phone, call the police and be connected to an operator. Were the kids screaming?, is that how she noticed they were alone?
In any case, set up google wallet/apple pay or don't be so bloody lazy next time and go and grab your purse. Can't believe you'd take even that small risk instead of moving your arse out of the queue for a minute

Read the OP and the second update which gives more detail. If OP is being truthful it was a couple of minutes max. She was seen pulling up next to the car as DH walked to the shop, and had got her phone out as he came back. By the time she was connected DH was dealing with the kids, so he was back at the car even as she was reporting the kids left alone. It’s batshit, nosey busybodying. If she was genuinely concerned she would have waited a bit to see if anyone came back before reporting.

Tiswa · 22/09/2025 17:35

The OP says less than a minute which seems quick to get out of a car walk across a car park into the shop find the OP in the queue hand it over and walk back - time is a funny thing perception can change depending on what you are doing?

What I am saying is that the OP thinking it was a very quick time they were left and the woman thinking it was longer can both be true based on the perceptions of how long it is.

So for the OP DH he was rushing so it seemed a short amount of time. For the women who was concerned about the children being left that heightened state could very much slow down her perception.

So say it is likely to be around 2-2.5 minutes to get from the car and back - for one side it seems less than a minute for the other it could seem 4-5 minutes

PorridgeAndSyrup · 22/09/2025 18:35

BeenzManeenz · 22/09/2025 00:00

Absolutely agree. Parenting small kids is about minimising risk at all times. Of course getting rid of it completely is not possible, but making a proper effort to reduce the risk as much as possible is good parenting.

People make mistakes, we all do, you're supposed to learn from them though. Not sure that has happened here. I'd be mortified not chucking out insults.

Show quote history

There's almost certainly more risk of coming to harm if he gets them out of the car and makes them cross the car park, than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes. In fact, there's more risk of them coming to harm from being in an accident on the drive to the shop than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/09/2025 20:41

Squishydishy · 22/09/2025 09:48

Where’s that? I don’t think you go to prison for leaving your baby in the car on your drive in the uk

Show quote history

From AI

"No, UK parents should never leave a young child unattended in a car, not even for a minute, as it is illegal if it puts them at risk of suffering or injury. While no specific age law exists for leaving a child in a car, parents can face prosecution if their actions result in unnecessary suffering or harm. Leaving a child unsupervised carries significant dangers, including the risk of heatstroke, car theft, or the child accidentally moving the vehicle.
Legal and Safety Considerations

  • Risk of Injury:Leaving a child unsupervised puts them at risk of suffering unnecessary injury to their health.
  • Heatstroke:Cars can become dangerously hot very quickly, leading to heatstroke, which is a life-threatening condition.
  • Accidents:A child could get into the driver's seat and shift the car into drive.
  • Car Theft:An unlocked car is also a target for thieves.
  • Prosecution:The police can prosecute parents or caregivers if they leave a child under 12 for an "unreasonable time" without making reasonable provisions for their supervision and care.
What You Should Do
  • Never leave them alone:For the safety of the child, never leave them alone in a car.
  • Be aware of dangers:Be aware of the dangers of leaving children in cars.
  • Consider alternatives:Plan your errands and shopping to avoid leaving your child in the car, even for short periods.
Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/09/2025 20:44

PorridgeAndSyrup · 22/09/2025 18:35

There's almost certainly more risk of coming to harm if he gets them out of the car and makes them cross the car park, than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes. In fact, there's more risk of them coming to harm from being in an accident on the drive to the shop than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes.

Show quote history

That's not the point, though.

www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/news/25124915.illegal-leave-kids-alone-car-uk/

BeenzManeenz · 22/09/2025 22:04

PorridgeAndSyrup · 22/09/2025 18:35

There's almost certainly more risk of coming to harm if he gets them out of the car and makes them cross the car park, than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes. In fact, there's more risk of them coming to harm from being in an accident on the drive to the shop than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes.

Show quote history

Please see the post below yours. Says it better than I could.

You can do your best to drive safely and minimise risk etc. Just like there was an easy way to minimise risk in the OPs situation, she could have gone back to the car instead of asking her husband to leave the kids in the car on their own. Totally avoidable situation.