Left baby in car for a minute

[LifeOnAmber]

I need some advice.

Earlier today we were at a retail park. I was in the shop whilst my husband stayed in the car as the 15 month old was asleep and the 4 year old didn't wanna go in.

I forgot to take my purse. So he brought it into the shop whilst the kids were in the car.

Our car was directly outside the shop. Well not immediate but the second row. But it was in the eye line.

My husband popped in, handed over and went back. It took less than a minute.

When he went back out, a very cross lady was on the phone and with a face like there are abandoned children. He obviously said they are mine. She showed disapproval.

Then he hears her reading out our number plate to someone on the phone and that the parent is here. I guess she called the police?

Basically did we break the law or is it negligence? What can we expect?

But taking them out of the car isn't risk free.

The 4 YO could run off and get run over while you're getting the baby out of the car seat.

You could trip up while carrying the baby and fall on them.

In the circumstances described, the OPs DH did nothing wrong and the woman overreacted if she was phoning the police.

Surely you'd look around for the parent who is almost certainly seconds away, like he was and she'd have seen him pointing out he was with them.

Not really sure why you made this post in the first place? While some of the responses are extreme, the decision you and your husband made wasn’t ideal so that’s the feedback you’re going to get isn’t it. How can you be so angry at all the comments that you’ve literally asked for?

Ok. They would know, and you could remind them, to get out of the car if hot/go to shade or inside the shop. I was thinking a 4/5 year old. When you said "older."

Do you know how dangerous it is to be driving around with your children in the car? Or to have your children walking across a car park?

Both scenarios where it’s statistically more likely your children will be injured or killed than in the scenarios you set out, so I hope you’ve never done those things with your children given the criticism you’re offering here.

OP’s DH took a reasonably assessed risk and everything was fine, as he anticipated it would be in his risk assessment.

What about when you go to pay at the petrol station?

I don’t use petrol stations so don’t have this issue but if I did I don’t think I would take them with me to pay

Not an issue, it's really not.

When mine were small occasionally we'd arrive home with one or the other (finally) asleep in their car seat. We'd leave them there, window open for ventilation and with those listening devices we had for kids 30 years ago, until they woke up.

It is. We now know that it is not safe to let babies and small children sleep in their car seats due to risk of positional asphyxiation. You did your best with the info you had at the time. Leaving them in car seats is no longer the norm or recommended.

Most people do the same to pay for petrol. Yes, you should have gone out to the car. You could have excused yourself once at front of till whilst assistant scanned it. But I still don’t think it was a big deal. What I do hate is other women using such a misogynistic term ‘Karen’. This ‘Karen’ could have waited a minute before acting, but assume she was acting in the best interests of your DC.

There is no need to be rude.

Must we start throwing round the “Karen” insult. The woman was legitimately concerned. She had no idea your husband had “only been a minute”. Be more careful in future and maybe pay on your phone

I used to leave my kids in the car from time to time, not a big issue at all. I am very capable of assessing risk and am confident that I have never put my children at an unacceptable level of risk. We all make decisions day to day that are different to those that someone else would have made.

However OP you probably shouldn't have asked the question if you were going to be so defensive. And using the insult "Karen" is ugly and misogynistic so please stop that if you want people to take you seriously.

I agree with you. Its a none issue.

But please stop using 'Karen' as a derogatory term. It is my sisters name and this trend of using it as a putdown has really affected her mental health. I'd even say it has moderately impacted her life. I'm not being dramatic. I've seen the sniggering when people have asked for her name. Just stop it.

I always imagine it as a daily mail headline. Helps me think of worst case scenario

‘’I guess mumsnet is bound to have many Karens.’’
You should be reported for misogyny.

At the age I'm talking off, sitting unsupported and close to walking, she could reposition herself. The car seat is meant to be sat in so I don't think leaving a kid in it for 40 minutes on the drive is really an issue.

We get too hung up on tiny risks.

OP do you regularly go into shops, presumably to buy something, without any means of payment?

When mine were younger the advice was NOT to get children out of the car at petrol stations as there was a higher risk from moving cars than from random spontaneous combustion.

This really surprises me. At my nursery there are many parents with younger siblings and we all haul them out of the car and carry them in to drop off/pickup older siblings.

Never forgotten your wallet?

I've arrived at work without any cash and no means to access cash more than once.

Keep a credit card in the car now.

I always left mine in the car to pay for petrol and so did every single one of my friends. Apart from being far less hassle, it is obviously safer than taking them across the forecourt. The same would apply to your situation. Unless you live in an area where the police are sitting around twiddling their thumbs, I doubt they will be the slightest bit interested.

I think most people have Apple/ Google pay now.

I have twins. I'd always try to, for example, use pay at pump machines or fuel up when they weren't with me, but in real life that doesn't always work. I would leave them in the car in circumstances like the OP's as long as I had sight of the car at all times. I've stopped doing that now because my daughter, now 4, is exactly the kind of child who would somehow get out of her car seat harness, get into the driver's seat and start pressing buttons. Or come out of the car to look at something. Really I think each person needs to risk assess for their circumstances.

Welcome to real life where most people pay using their phones! Using a misogynistic slur against another woman is bang out of order too. She was acting out of genuine concern for your DC who'd been left alone locked inside a car.

Give over.

Male 'Karen's' exist as well.

So where's the male name that's been deployed to denigrate them? Oh, that's right, it's Karen. You must be a bloke not to have a problem with misogyny.