Left baby in car for a minute

[LifeOnAmber]

I need some advice.

Earlier today we were at a retail park. I was in the shop whilst my husband stayed in the car as the 15 month old was asleep and the 4 year old didn't wanna go in.

I forgot to take my purse. So he brought it into the shop whilst the kids were in the car.

Our car was directly outside the shop. Well not immediate but the second row. But it was in the eye line.

My husband popped in, handed over and went back. It took less than a minute.

When he went back out, a very cross lady was on the phone and with a face like there are abandoned children. He obviously said they are mine. She showed disapproval.

Then he hears her reading out our number plate to someone on the phone and that the parent is here. I guess she called the police?

Basically did we break the law or is it negligence? What can we expect?

I do. Always! Even to pay for petrol. Takes a few mins to get him in and out of the car seat. Why does this seem insurmountable?

I really don't see the issue with leaving kids in the car for a few minutes when it is not scorching hot outside. I feel like it is statistically more likely thet they will be hit by a car when being dragged from the car for a quick pop to the counter than the car being spontaneously caught on fire.

But, clearly not applicable to OP's circumstances.

I wouldn’t leave my children in the car ever. Always take them in to pay for petrol and always take them with me to return trolley. It takes seconds to snatch a child and be gone. It’s not a risk I’m prepared to take.

In the scenario OP described I don’t understand why she didn’t return to the car if it was so close. Why did the Dad who was supervising the children be the one to ‘leave his post’ so to speak when OP was free as a bird in the shop? Even if she was at the checkout in a long queue - if the husband was literally a minute away, why didn’t she say to the cashier ‘one minute, purse is in the car, but it’s just that blue one there, back in a flash!’

So what's the concern then with leaving children unattended for a short period of time?

Because welcome to real life love. I started at 10th in the queue and was now 3rd. Queuing really tests everyone's patience. I simply, humanly, felt awkward to say, 'can you save my spot, I'll be back.' The convention is, if you move, you lose it! I'd be leaving the shop.

So please empathise!

The next option was, DH purse is in car, do you think you can drop it off? DH assesses situation, reassures son. Comes in and back out. I could see him get out of the car and come in.. My eyes are on him, so I hadn't noticed a lady is peeping through our windows.

Only as he turns and exits the shop he notices her. But for him, it's like. I've done nothing wrong. He doesn't owe her an explanation. And doesn't suspect her to be on the phone to the police.

I'd rather they obtain cctv footage to say, 'sorry sir but that lady was a Karen.'

A long time ago I read about the best parenting advice people had received. The one I remembered was about imagining standing in a coroners court explaining what happened to your children. So there is a difference between ‘they were asleep in bed at 3am and there was an electrical fault that started a fire’ and ‘I left them in a car by themselves while I took my wife’s purse to her in a shop because if she came to fetch it herself she would have had to go to the back of the queue again’. Obviously it would be your husband standing there explaining that to the coroner.

It is unhinged advice to couch every decision in thinking about explaining it to a coroner. Sorry but you would go mad with anxiety imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios.

This was pages back but someone was going on about cigarette lighters - cars haven't been made with actual heating up things in the 9v socket for about 20 years.

I imagine the parking neighbour lady was sending herself a voice note. Not necessarily making a call.

Well no sympathy for you now, OP, you're happy to use an ageist and sexist slur for someone who had the best interests of your children at heart.

It is unhinged advice to couch every decision in thinking about explaining it to a coroner. Sorry but you would go mad with anxiety imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios.

It makes the decision very simple. Husband should have taken the children with him, or said come and fetch your purse.

Absolutely agree. Parenting small kids is about minimising risk at all times. Of course getting rid of it completely is not possible, but making a proper effort to reduce the risk as much as possible is good parenting.

People make mistakes, we all do, you're supposed to learn from them though. Not sure that has happened here. I'd be mortified not chucking out insults.

Welcome to 2025 love, where we can pay on our mobile phones.

In your original post you ask for advice, then berate anyone who has the audacity to give you some or dares to disagree with you.

I have, and do leave my kids in the car all the time. Even when it's hot now they're older. I'm not afraid of kidnappers lurking at every corner, or some random calling the cops.

Also, shock horror, they have been left home alone from younger than mumsnet would approve of.

It's fine OP, no one has eyes on their kids 24/7. We need to sleep, go to the toilet, shower etc.

If you're telling the truth about the time I can't see you'd be in any trouble; he wasn't away from longer than he'd be returning the trolley or at home hanging out the laundry.

YABVU calling the woman a Karen though. Using a woman's name as an insult is nasty to start with. She has no way to know they weren't alone longer. It's just bad luck that she saw them at that particular moment. It's better you're checked up on than other kids who may have been left for much longer are not. She logs a call, the police may check in with you, they know there's no prior record, it's shelved.

My alarm would go off if I left my kids in a locked car.

"I have, and do leave my kids in the car all the time. Even when it's hot now they're older."

What? For how long????

Idk, 10/20/30 minutes or longer. If we're out and about and they don't want to come into the shop or whatever they can elect to stay in the car. Of course I'll try to park in the shade, and they can open the door or roll down the windows, I don't lock them in. They're 11 and 14.

Lol, that is completely different. At 11 and 14 you could stay in the car and send them in to do the shopping if you wanted. The pp probably thought you meant older than a baby not old enough to be getting the bus on their own!

Can you even lock a person in a car? Surely they're designed so you can't? Even if the child locks are on, they could climb into the driver's seat and open the doors from there. (Which is one reason the 4 yr old isn't safe if you go away long enough for them to get a daft idea, undo seatbelt, climb over and escape. Kidnappers would be the least of my worries.)

This is just madness. If you really look at parenting through this catastrophising lens you probably need some help for your anxiety.

You'd be prosecuted, jailed, and lose custody of your children for that where I live. Children have died in cars here due to freezing or hot weather.

You say that, but I know a young man who survived a short trip through a wooden fence and into a below ground backyard swimming pool behind the wheel of a car he had put in neutral.

Gosh times have changed. Me and my sister have sat alone in the car waiting for parents to come back many a time when we were little. One time I had my head out of the window and my sister stepped on the window controls - which weirdly were positioned in between the front two seats - and the window started closing, almost strangling me as it almost reached the top. I kicked her off with my back leg and my dad came back to find us both crying, me with my head still stuck out of the window. That's the 1970s for you. I'm about a 1000 times more resilient than my ds who I wrapped up in cotton wool when he was growing up.