Deceitful behaviour from school - don't know where to turn

[godofthunder24]

Hi,

My son's school denied him access for 3 days last year due to his mum having COVID. Following our own research we determined that it was unlawful for the school to deny access for this reason.

Once we presented the legal advice to the school they changed their advice and altered their criteria for allowing my son back into school. It seems very clear to me that they were concerned about the repercussions of unlawful actions and tried to misrepresent their original instructions.

I complained to the school and I've gone through the complaints process with the chair of governors, a complaints panel and the DfE.

The governors have consistently provided inaccurate information during the complaints process which I strongly believe is their attempt to cover up the schools original actions. The governors have access to all of the evidence which is in email form but they continue to misrepresent that evidence.

The DfE have confirmed that the decision to deny access was unlawful.

The Local Authority are not willing to do any other than ensure the school is adhering to the complaints process from now forwards.

I am literally sick to death of feeling wronged by the school and not having a channel that will listen to me and go through the evidence in sufficient detail.

I don't really want to go down the legal route myself but feel like I'm running out of options. Would be great to hear any advice from someone in the know or someone who has been through something similar.

Many thanks,
Ian.

Do you think it's ok for teachers and governors to lie to avoid taking some responsibility? I don't. If they don't get called out on it do you think they will think twice next time. This whole episode has drawn more attention to the school and their exclusion practices than would have happened otherwise. Someone has to stick up for what is right.

I’m wondering if you’re right, LittleMonks, because Ian's obsession with this is clearly irrational, bordering on OCD, if this really was the only issue. Did his wife have difficulties with the school management? Were there disputes about other topics?

Ian, I hope you can see, from the reactions here, that your obsession with this does not sound normal or healthy (for any of your family). Please let it go or I dread to think what the future holds for you.

Whose attention had been drawn to it? Who have you been sharing this sorry saga with?

If it's human rights you are passionate about there are many causes you could give your time to that would have more impact. Privately the school may have learned a lesson about what to do in cases of Covid but you aren't going to get your day in court. You're coming across as obsessive and somewhat sanctimonious. It doesn't sound like you want what is right for society but to appease your ego. Honestly stop and let go and you will feel better.

I say this kindly, but I think you need to reframe this in order to move on. I don’t think the school are lying but they are most likely very cautious to not accept blame due to possible repercussions that may or may not arise.
Is an apology really going to end this?
Your child could easily have caught COVID and missed those three days due to feeling unwell.
Yes it was sad for your child to miss out- but in the years he attended that school I presume they kept your child safe and provided them with a suitable education and also helped to shape them as the child you know and love?
I think it’s time to let this go

I think you need help, sorry.

There are lots of times in life when people
get away with things they shouldn’t. Some times these are big things that have a huge impact on people, but most of the time they are smaller things
like this situation.

You need to learn when to let go. In the grand scheme of things, how much has this impacted your child’s life today? I doubt very much.

So this is just a personal vendetta at this point.

my daughter missed her end of school activities because she got Covid. Indeed it was very sad at the time but a year on and a new school she didn’t pay it a thought.

All this time could be spent on something far more beneficial. Forget your pride and free the headspace. Your son is growing up and he’s going to find this pretty embarrassing. let that school get on with more pressing issues than being dragged into meetings just to declare you’re right.

There’s a whole bunch of people here telling you it’s time to put it to bed. Listen.

I mean this kindly, OP, but I think it's time to let it go and move forward.

I can understand that you are pissed off that the school didn't tell the truth, but it is doing you no good at all to keep on with this fight.

My DS1 missed the whole of his last week of year 6 as he broke his arm badly on the Sunday before and had to have emergency surgery on the Monday. He was gutted and so were we. I was heartbroken for him but we did our best to try to cheer him up and he's now in year 9 and hasn't given it a second thought for the last couple of years. It will have been disappointing for your son, but I promise you there are lots of other children who have missed out on the same and more. I think it bothers us more as parents than it does the kids sometimes, they are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.

I also know what it's like to feel aggrieved at a school communication/decision, having been through a school places appeal process and ultimately being unsuccessful, when my child didn't get a place at the village school. It affected me for a long time, far more than it affected my child. I felt it was so unfair and that he was missing out on making friends in our village. It did have an impact but then Covid hit and he ended up at the village school in year 6. Fast forward to year 9 and none of his friends from secondary school live in our village anyway.

What I'm trying to say is that I wasted a lot of time, energy and head space on something that was never going to change. I look back now and think how much better life would have been if I'd let it go sooner. Don't look back and regret that you've wasted so much time and energy on this. Look to the future and spend the time and energy you are spending on this on enjoying time with your family.

But you have already done all this. You have made your point to them. Now you are just making a fool of yourself. What kind of restorative justice are you actually after?

This is what you don't seem to grasp - the very fact that it got to the point of a meeting is ridiculous. An email or phone call to state that you think theyre not following current guidelines would have sufficed. If they stuck to their guns, which they did, then you sit your son down and say oh well, at least you'll be in for the last day. While the last week is more fun, it isn't all fun and parties, certainly not in my school anyway

School stuffed up. They have since changed their policy.

Your son was disappointed, but while I’m sure he was sad for a few days, there is no lasting damage or harm.

Personally I would have been unhappy that a school still didn’t have a grip on Covid by summer 2024 but I would be glad my son was out of there and moving on to secondary. There isn’t a single thing to be gained by pursuing this and you have the option to end it now for the benefit of you and your family.

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but if the poor man being released after been wrongly imprisoned for 38 years for a rape and murder he categorically didn't commit can say 'I'm not angry, I'm not bitter" then I suggest Ian take a leaf out of his book and let his non problem go and get on with life.

We had good relations with the school and my wife worked there for many years often volunteering her time to do extra curricular activities. The head made a snap decision which was unlawful. I know the head didn't make the decision knowing that it was unlawful but when the head found out it was unlawful the head didn't acknowledge the mistake and instead said that they hadn't told my son to stay away from school.

End of primary school is a really emotive time. Your son not being allowed to be there in his last week must have been hard, plus the added weight of it being related to your wife telling her employer about her Covid infection. I can totally understand this affecting you.
However
In my experience, teachers and school management NEVER apologise or accept responsibility. It just won't happen. You know you're right, they know you're right (somewhere in their conscience), but they won't every say it. So, for YOU, and your family, you need to decide what it will take now - that's in your gift to make happen - to let this go. It's coming up to a year now, it's long enough.
You could, for example, write one last letter/email to the HT or chair of govs,explaining why it upset you all so much and that all you ever wanted was an apology,and how disappointed you are that they can't do that.
Then let it go

Exactly - a complete non event.

(missing the point of the thread, but in my school days a three day ban from attending would have been like all my Christmases coming at once!)

You’re going to give yourself an ulcer if you keep up this level of stress over something so minor. Please let it go.

You’re trying to make yourself sound like a noble upholder of truth and justice ("someone has to stick up for what is right") but actually all you’re doing is flogging a dead horse, on a topic that will make absolutely no difference to anyone else, and trying to tie up time that the school would be far better spending on things that would benefit their current pupils.

All this is the case EVEN IF YOU ARE RIGHT.

No OP you aren’t running out of options you have one fundamental option left which you seem completely unwilling to take. Let it go and move on.

The amount of time and energy on your part and all of the people you have gotten involved (taking away from your kids education I might add) are ridiculous.

Oh to have all the time in the world to fight for the sake of being right with no real consequence.

I really despair that there are people like you in the world that feel that they are right to do these things.

On a separate but related note- thank you to all of the teachers, schools, governors (voluntary position I might add!!!) who have to deal with crap like this on a retailer basis from people who will think nothing to take their kid out of school for a holiday but can’t let this go.

You wanted to hear from someone who has had a similar experience to you OP. Well, you won’t, because no one else would go to the lengths you have gone to to get what you perceive to be justice.

I suppose he could do a judical review! Or take it to the House of Lords!

I hope you don’t have to deal with anything serious OP as this is way over the top for something so inconsequential.

OP: AIBU?
Whole of mumsnet united: yes!
OP: No I'm not; I am a warrior for truth and justice.

Maybe he's happy that the truth is out.

What laws have been broken?