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Legal matters

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Original poster

Who has the right to decide what happens to ashes?

31 replies

averylongtimeago · 25/04/2025 16:09

My FiL and MiL passed away over 10 years ago, and were cremated. My DH’s brother was executor and dealt with the funerals but the ashes have never been collected and are still with the funeral director. BiL recently passed away as well and now his wife is claiming that only she will be able to collect the ashes and will decide how they are dealt with. This doesn’t seem right to us, as there is a surviving child (my DH). Can anyone with some legal expertise advise please? Can my DH collect his parents ashes and dispose of them in a way agreed with the grandchildren, or does my SiL have to do it?

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 27/04/2025 17:15

I collected my FILs ashes from the funeral director and i had no legal standing in relation to him.

mondaytosunday · 27/04/2025 17:39

I would imagine next of kin - it doesn’t have to be the executor. Your DH is the next of kin - ashes are not personal possessions that are included in an estate (and why would she want them)? The ashes could have been picked up at any time by your DH, so why didn’t he?

Maddy70 · 27/04/2025 17:46

They won't be there now. They will have s attere. Them in the garden of remembrance, and tbh your DH could easily have contacted the funeral directors to have collected them himself before now. Noone has the legal rights to ashes. So they would have given them to him if he has asked

Cynic17 · 27/04/2025 17:53

I know of a funeral director who will keep the ashes for 10 years before contacting the Executor, so that would seem to be a good starting point.

Arlanymor · 27/04/2025 18:57

People are allowed to comment that this is a very sad (and bizarre) situation and still give advice. I don’t think you think this is ideal either. How awful.

mathanxiety · 27/04/2025 19:15

averylongtimeago · 25/04/2025 16:50

Thank you to those giving genuine advice. In answer to some of your questions, family relationships are complicated. DH and BiL have not always seen eye to eye and now we no longer live in the same country. And yes, SiL really is that petty.

Your H needs to call the funeral directors, identify himself, and ask about the ashes. If they're still waiting for collection, he needs to show up and claim them.

SIL can huff and puff all she wants. She doesn't have any standing to claim them unless BIL bequeathed them to her (highly doubtful as they are nobody's property) and as direct descendant, your H would be the obvious next in line to claim them, not her.

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