Ex’s family court application

[friendshipbracelets]

friendshipbracelets · Today 04:44

Ex dp has children by two women. I’m the second woman - two kids. I caught him having an affair and he has since moved in with his affair partner, 30 years younger with no kids. Kids stayed living with me. For two years he has had as much contact as he wants, after school and at weekends. Picking them up from mine. Taking them for a meal/ swim/ shopping/ to the park or for activities. Sometimes for trips/ meals as a family (with me included). It’s been (mostly) fairly friendly considering the nightmare he put us through. He’s also taken them to his parents. The only times he hasn’t had contact is when he hasn’t wanted it/ has had other stuff to do. But now he’s going to the family court applying for them to stay with him every other weekend and one evening a week/ pressuring me to reach an agreement so we don’t go to court. He lives with the affair partner who the kids have never met (older child is aware of her existence and part in relationship breakdown). I am uncomfortable naturally at the thought of the two of them playing happy families with my kids. But he is saying she’s not going to be there when they visit - says she has “no ambition to meet the kids” and will move out when they come. I find this implausible - she rents the house with him, where on earth is she going to go on such a regular basis and why would anyone in their right mind agree to do that? Am worried this is either a deception to try and make me agree to something I’m not comfortable with (and then, suddenly, she will be there after all) or, if I take what he is saying at face value and she doesn’t want to meet them, a weird situation to put my kids in, staying in the girlfriend’s home with the girlfriend avoiding them. In the CAFCASS report, ex partner for reasons known only to himself painted a picture of a much more hostile relationship than we in fact have and the recommendation was that he have contact with the kids away from my home (it’s not at my home anyway - that’s just where he picks them up). No mention of where contact should be, though it said both parents agreed kids enjoyed going to paternal grandparents. That’s a distance away though and would not be possible on a weekday and unfair in my view to make them even do it every other weekend. What do you think a family judge would make of all this? How to interpret the CAFCASS report? Would court order regular stays at his home on this basis?

He is asking for very reasonable contact, he will be awarded it.

i would be telling the DC about his new partner and then tell your ex they know she exists as the lying about it isn’t in the DC best interests.

What distance is there?
He is absolutely going to have overnights. No doubt at all.

Even if his girlfriend is present in the home, a court isn’t going to deny him EOW and one weeknight just because they had an affair. Barring some actual problematic behavior towards the children, there is no reason they should not be spending real time in their father’s home. They deserve to have a relationship with him. eow is the absolute minimum.

How was contact managed with kids from first relationship when he and you met? And just now?

Isn't it good he wants the children overnight?
He may have over egged the pudding when describing your relationship in the hope that it will help his case.
You may not want your kids to meet his new partner but it is going to happen 🤷🏻‍♀️ and he should be able to have them overnight.

You get no say on who he introduces them to in his contact time and equally he gets no say in who you introduce them too.
what he is asking for is highly reasonable and he would almost certainly get it. You would be best served to agree.

Yeah I'm afraid you need to accept that the children will meet his girlfriend and stay at his house. Have you had mediation yet? Try to come to an agreement with him and avoid court because a court will absolutely award him EOW and midweek at his house.

Yes of course the court will allow overnights if he has a new partner…. It sounds like a stable relationship even if she was/is the OW … honestly I would very quickly sign on the dotted line EOW and a night a week sounds perfect

If you go to court he might if he asked get 50/50 so personally I would agree and get it written up

He has the right as do you to introduce new partners as long as their truly isn’t a safeguarding issue …

Well, first, I didn’t have an affair with him and met much later (I know MN likes that to be clarified!) The kids were older and came when they liked of their own volition, one much more than the other.

He is asking for the bare minimum and this would be granted.

you would be mad to put yourself through the emotional and financial stress of court to try and stop this.

Yes. I understand that normally the court will let kids have overnight stays with their father who lives with a new partner minus any other concerns (there are some but I’m not going into them here). But what about this aspect of him telling me that the girlfriend does not want to meet the kids and that she will be moving out (of the home she lives in) whenever the kids are there? Would the court not have concerns about this if true, as he is insisting it is? Does the court care if he is being truthful or not about his plans?

If anything I would expect him to rewind his demands. I don’t think he really wants them for nearly as much time as he says.

He’ll be granted exactly what he’s asked for I would think. There’s no reason he shouldn’t other than your very justified upset at the ow.
But that alone won’t stop overnight at their house happening

The court won’t care whether his partner is there or not. It won’t be considered relevant unless she’s considered a risk to them - like if she was an alcoholic or drug addict or had convictions for hurting children. Her being younger and not a parent and his affair partner won’t be taken into account.

There are other aspects to the whole thing but I’m not going into them. Just was curious about this point

Will her (reportedly) not wanting to meet them
and the plans for her to move out EOW and one weekday a week to make way for them be taken into account. I mean this is just BIZARRE

He will get what’s he asking for.

whether there is a partner on the scene or not, who likes kids or not, who meets them or not, who sleeps there or not makes not an ounce of difference

Unless the partner is a safeguarding risk, the court won’t take it into account at all.

I don't think the GF leaving when the kids are there is that bizarre esp at the start,it's giving him one on one time with the kids, letting them be comfortable in a new space. If it's untrue well then they meet her & unless she is a danger to your kids I don't see the issue.

Whether or not the gf wants to meet them is irrelevant to the court’s assessment of contact with their dad.

Do you oppose the level of contact he wants? If so, why? The only relevant factor will be what’s in the kids’ best interests and usually, regular contact is in their best interests.

I can't see why he won't get that. It's fairly standard.

My ex introduced new girlfriends very quickly, I had no say in what he did when the kids were with him.

Court won’t care about the ow’s plans, I completely understand how unpalatable this is, but I wouldn’t take it to court as they will agree to his request as long as there is no safeguarding issue.

I would like to reach an agreement with him but don’t want to do so on some potentially phoney basis that he is feeding me and thought maybe in court we would get to the truth of the matter - but is this not the case they just wouldn’t care?

If you allow this application to go to Court, stating the reasons, you've given here as to why you won't allow the access your ex would like, you will be the one given a dressing down by the Judge. You will come across as bitter, resentful and not putting your children first. The access your ex is requesting is not unreasonable. It's irrelevant if his girlfriend will be there or not, unless she's danger to your children, a Court won't be interested. Your children need to know that Dad has a girlfriend, and she may or may not be there when they visit.

Me too.
This is standard
I know it’s painful , but they will ended up playing happy families until the next affair - try not to bad mouth him to the kids.
I know it’s very hard.