Son and inheritance - worried!

[Changedforsafety]

Sorry in advance for the length of this, but I’d really appreciate opinions and suggestions.
My ex husband has very sadly passed away. It was sudden and unexpected .
We were on good terms post our divorce, and I am helping the executor sort out his estate . He left a will but everything else is a bit of a mess. But I’m getting through it bit by bit , including arranging his funeral.
Our adult son , mid 20’s is his sole beneficiary and our only child. There is a house owned outright plus an amount of money . He will move into the house in a few months.
DS has a girlfriend , who frankly has shown herself to be not particularly trustworthy where money is concerned. They have been together for several years . She is the higher earner by some way , but they do not split rent and bills in proportion , whereby she is able to buy herself what she likes, yet my son frequently runs out of money before month end, not spending particularly lavishly and I often have to subsidise him , which I do gladly as I am not seeing him short of money when I have it. I suspect she is controlling and my son is quite a gentle soul. She has pulled some stunts around finances which are not nice at all and I can’t forget them.
I regularly treat them to dinner and holiday spending money which I’m happy to do and I have helped her out with emergencies in the past. I don’t expect her to kiss my feet but she seems to have now to come to expect it and is I think m quite entitled.

So ex h death has crystallised this issue. She knows there is money around , but not the detail and I am loath to have her know anything for the reasons stated. My son is quite happy for me and the executor of the will ( ex h best friend who I get on great with) to invest the money wisely for him , he has no immediate need for it, but I’m getting the vibe that she is quizzing him about finances and what’s what.

I’d really appreciate views on what you all consider a fair split of finances as they move into ex H house, in terms of expenditure and whether something can be drawn up legally to both set out fair terms for them living together and also protect his inheritance , both the house and money. His dad had no time for his girlfriend and I know would want me to make sure he was looked after. He’s a lovely natured boy but naive and whilst I am desperate not to fall out with him , (we have a lovely close relationship but I let him get on with his life and I have my own life too) , I really feel that he needs some guidance and legal protection if it’s possible.
Sorry for the length of this post, I’m really worried and feeling the weight of responsibility as his now only parent. Thank you if you got this far.

This isn't a level of control you can have over a grown man. All you can do is advise and support. You cannot decide what is a fair split of money or invest his inheritance for him.

Well presumably as long as the house is in his sole name, and they don’t get married, there isn’t a major issue at the minute.

I would advise him to
a) see a financial advisor
b) pay for any and all house improvements, maintenance himself.
c) Do not get married- unless she also has assets equal or greater.

I would also get him to discuss with the FA the implications of letting her live there. Is it better she pays rent? Or rent free? Does he need, and would she sign a contract etc.

Put the house in a trust where your son is the dole beneficiary so his 'grabber' misses can't get her hands on it even if they marry. But, if he has kids they exclusively will (I think)

@northerneast sorry I don’t agree. He’s young, vulnerable after losing his dad so unexpectedly and she has already proved herself to be , in my opinion borderline financially abusive . If I don’t look out for him, who will?

Maybe make sure house stays in his name & then they split bills in half. Hopefully he will then have more cash to go out & for travelling. Presumably they pay rent at the moment?

I’m not saying don’t look out for him just that you don’t have control of it. In fact I said advise and support. But since he is mid 20s you don’t get to decide what he does, regardless of how you feel about his partner.

why is he running out of money each month? Is he on a very low pay, or does he overspend?

If he owned the house with a mortgage, then the mortgage company would insist that there was an agreement in place that formalised her having no claim on the property.

You could insinuate that the property is between you and your son but you’re ok with it going all to him if that kind of agreement is put in place.

I'd be quite careful around using the term 'financially abusive'. There's a chasm between a victim of abuse and an unwise adult who has no fear of their partner

Literally it the case. The mortgage company wouldn’t care who he moves in.

*not the case.

thank you @northerneast sorry hope you don’t think I’m having a go. I’m just so worried. It’s so sad what has happened , but it’s happened and I want to make sure that he is not taken advantage of . Or at least try. He’s quite happy for me to help him put his money away safe. He pocket dialled me a couple of weeks ago after we had been briefly discussing something and I heard her asking him about his dad’s money then.

The house being in his name and them not being married won’t protect him. Unmarried cohabitees can acquire an equitable interest in the property, simply by living there for a long time.

The best bet would be to execute a deed of trust whereby they agree up front their intentions as to the ownership of the property. It might also be prudent to consider a cohabitation agreement.

Your son needs legal advice from a private client solicitor.

The mortgage company would make her sign an occupiers waiver form in fact.

An occupier waiver form, also known as an occupier consent form or deed of consent, is a legal document that non-borrower residents of a property sign to acknowledge the existence of a mortgage and waive their rights to reside in the property if the lender repossesses it.

Here's a more detailed explanation:
Purpose:
The primary purpose of an occupier waiver form is to ensure that mortgage lenders can legally evict non-borrower residents if the borrower defaults on the mortgage and the lender initiates repossession.

Who Needs to Sign:
Adult occupiers who are not on the mortgage or the deeds of the property are typically required to sign an occupier waiver form. This can include family members, tenants, or other non-borrower residents.

Legal Implications:
Signing the form means the occupier waives their right to stay in the property if the lender repossesses it.

Independent Legal Advice:
Mortgage lenders often require occupiers to seek independent legal advice (ILA) before signing the form to ensure they understand the implications of the agreement.

Alternatives:
The form is also known as an Occupier Consent Form, a Deed of Consent, or a Consent to Mortgage form.

Example:
If a couple buys a house together, but one of them moves out and a friend starts living there, the friend would need to sign an occupier waiver form.

@Crocmush he doesn’t earn loads, high rent ( because she insisted on a certain flat) and then from what I can see , she spends on stuff and then asks him for half , despite her earning quite a bit more. He’s not a spender , but she is

If he’s concerned about money other than the property, he could always set up a trust with you as the trustee and him as the beneficiary until he is older, say 25. You’d invest the money for his benefit, control what lump sums he can withdraw, and then he gets the balance when the trust ends.

The house is mortgage free.

Op

spend a few hundred pound on a reputable lawyer to get something water tight in place!

Surely they carry on as they are with thier 50/50 lifestyle? You’re very happy to paint her as financially abusive, but she’s the higher earner??
she’s probably wondering if things might ease up for her a bit now financially and more fairly.

to protect my son, I’d recommend he rents out his house and keeps it as income, and carries on exactly as he was with partner

@AllTheChatsAboutTea he’s 26 now. It sounds daft but he’s such a gentle soul, I see him some times say something and then check her reaction , it makes me really uncomfortable and he has alluded a few times to her being difficult .

@alcoholnightmare she earns more but the split of spend is not proportionate and that to me is not fair and even less fair when she is moving into a house effectively rent free.

Get a decent solicitor on board to put a cohabitation agreement in place.

@SantasLargerHelper

I believe that @Collaborate is a solicitor

Yes as others have said as they're not married I don't think you/your DS have a huge amount to worry about. As others have said I would advise your DS to make sure his girlfriend doesn't contribute towards anything like renovations or other improvement work on the house, to be absolutely on the safe side he should probably pay even for cosmetic works and furniture and stuff too. Otherwise there really isn't a huge risk she'll be able to lay claim to the house. How they split the bills shouldn't really matter and I'd advise you to stay well clear of that, I don't think he should ask her to pay rent given he won't be paying a mortgage, just her share of bills. I think given they've done 50:50 to date just sticking with that is fine, perhaps as she's the higher earner and will be benefitting from living rent free in his house it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to pay a higher share of bills but I wouldn't die on the hill of £100 a month on the gas bill or whatever. I really think as the mother of an adult child with a long term partner while you can support and advise them as much as possible ultimately when it comes down to paying the council tax and going to the supermarket that's for them to sort out.

If he's happy for you to invest the money for him and doesn't immediately need it for anything you could look at some longer term options like a pension or a long term bond which would also head off the girlfriend thinking he's going to fritter the money on fancy holidays or designer clothes or whatever (although I also think it would be perfectly reasonable if he does want to spend a few ££ on himself and his partner, he must have been through a really rough time with his dad dieing so suddenly so I'm sure his dad wouldn't begrudge him a treat or two so long as he's responsible with the majority).

It would probably be wise for the girlfriend to be saving the money she's saving on rent towards a deposit on a property or other investment of her own, living in someone else's house when you aren't on the property ladder yourself can leave you a little vulnerable. When she's saved up she could maybe get a buy to rent, or if your DS wants her to have a stake in the house she could buy a % of it from him at market value and they could be tenants in common. Or she could just invest it in her own pensions or stocks and shares or similar. All sensible options but again doesn't sound like you and she have the kind of relationship where she'd welcome advise from you?

I think at this young age when they aren’t married and don’t have children, they don’t have to worry about splitting things proportionally. You were upset when he paid 50/50 and she had more, but now not happy when HE has more!?