Anyway to protect our dad's house from new "girlfriend"? (big age gap, possibly coercive relationship)

[LegalQElderlyDad]

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

Our mum died a few years ago - her share of their house reverted to Dad.

He is now in his late 80s and thinks he's in a relationship with a married woman nearly 40 years his junior. He thinks she is a nice person but resisted her for a long time, telling her he wasn't interested but she kept turning up on his doorstep crying "as she loves him".
We will be talking to his GP as we're very concerned about him (tried the police, they're not interested at all, even though she's had a friend come round to persuade Dad that he really should be in a relationship with her).
She's constantly messaging him, he has to reply quickly, he meets up with her two or three times a day regardless of weather or how he's feeling. He does seem obsessed or possibly controlled (hard to tell the difference tbh).

We obviously have huge concerns and he thinks that - if the house is protected for us - that will prove to us that she is only with him for him, and not for any money or for the house.
Is there any legal way to:

• protect the house from her if it turns out he's wrong about her
• ensure that Dad can live there as long as he wants (we wouldn't kick him out, he's our dad, but ironically he wants to be protected from us but sees no danger with this relatively new, much younger, woman who has pressured him into a relationship)
• prevent her inheriting the house in a way that is legal, and that - god forbid - if he married her that it wouldn't go to her?

I know people will think we're grabby but it's more that we're convinced that, if it's clear to her that she can't ever get the house, that she'll move onto someone else very quickly (from what we hear, Dad isn't the only much older man that she's been seeing....). He's had to have heart investigations due to spiking BP since she's been around so we do have concerns about his health as well.

Age Concern suggested talking to the police, however the police weren't interested and suggested talking to a solicitor which is what we'll do next.
We will also talk to his GP and his bank (we have got both health and financial POAs registered for him already).
We're very worried about this as a similar thing happened to an elderly relative of a friend and it wasn't realised until it was too late.....

I was just wondering if anyone on here has any good advice to keep her from getting the house.

Thanks

If he thinks the house should go to you as you’ve said, then make sure it’s in his will.

If they eventually get married, then obviously the will has to be reviewed.

What if he tells her, casually that he doesn’t own the house, it was signed over to you a few months ago? If he’s willing as you say to show that she just wants him for him. Then review her reaction. But make sure that the will is properly in place first.

From memory you can invoke a financial POA straight away if its set up like that so your Dad would have to run financial decisions past you BUT if he married her it may over rule the POA
Solicitor is your best bet

If he actually does want to protect his assets then he needs to make a will. Take him to a solicitor who will advise him, ascertain his wishes and draw up the will.

@LegalQElderlyDad Its good you have PoAs.

The only suggestion I have is to update the Land Registrar to add your email address as one of the 3 permitted addresses. It’s free https://customerhelp.landregistry.gov.uk/guide-page-external/?stepid=e5b9b296-b482-eb11-a812-000d3ad48f95&kbonly=true&setanswer=

The benefit of doing this is you will be notified by email if anyone tries to take a charge or change names etc. Email is far harder to intercept than snail mail.

The other thing you can try and do is online research (legal) to see if you can find more out about the woman e.g. dating sites, linked in, Facebook etc.

Can he sign the house over to you now, with something written up legally so that you can’t sell the house, you can’t raise a mortgage against it, you can’t kick him out, and you will sell it if needed for care home fees?

He could transfer the property to you now as a way to circumnavigate inheritance tax - speak to a. Solicitor to get this confirmed. And you can grant him a lifetime interest in the property so he can continue to live there. If he ended up needing additional care (sorry to mention this) then transfer of a property in advance of care can’t be don’t to avoid paying care home fees and there may be some recourse. At that point though perhaps you’d be thinking of selling to pay for care in a better (private) facility?

I’m sorry if what I’ve said sounds harsh, just wanted to put it all out there for you to think about. I understand your concerns - he’s vulnerable and maybe she’s genuine, but maybe she’s not. If he tells her he has already transferred the property into all of your names as DC and you run his accounts under POA maybe you’ll see her true colours then.

Goodness, I cannot understand where this audacity in women like that comes from. I am shy to say much to a stranger, let alone to pretend am getting to love an 80 years old and knowing he has family

but also, what happened to this teacher who left her London job and cared for her partner after he bought a house in the North and then he died without a will

Has he made a Will, @LegalQElderlyDad?

If you suspect that he’s being coerced or controlled by her, could you take some leave and spend a few days with him so that you can have some proper chats and work out what’s going on. Perhaps your sibling(s) could do the same and that’ll make it clear to her that his family is involved and looking out for him. I’d also worry that she’ll start tapping him for money now-perhaps he might be willing to activate Financial POA to protect himself from her.

Does he have capacity?

Have you spoken to his LA Adult Social Services regarding your safeguarding concerns?

Don’t persuade him to sign over the house to you because if he needs to go to a care home and can’t afford the care after a certain point, this will open up a huge can of worms regarding deprivation of assets.

The email / land registry thing mentioned above is good advice.

I think the best thing is to see your dad and tell him your concerns. And hope that he doesn’t marry her because regardless of what he puts in the will that house will go to her when he passes.

@unsync Yes, Adult Social Services can be very helpful.

Marriage revokes a will so it would need to be more than ‘reviewed’ it would need to be re-signed. It can be done in advance of the marriage if ‘in contemplation’ of marriage and correct wording included in Will.
Also if they end up living together and/ or he financially maintains her then she would have a claim against his estate under IPFD act 1975.

This does not work to ‘circumvent inheritance tax’. It would be a ‘gift with reservation of benefit’ unless full market rent paid.

"He could transfer the property to you now as a way to circumnavigate inheritance tax"

No, that is an incredibly bad idea and will not work.

"And you can grant him a lifetime interest in the property so he can continue to live there."

Are you perhaps getting mixed up with owning a house as tenants in common? That would not be the situation here. From what the OP has said, this would not have any benefit from an IHT point of view as he would need to pay a full market rent for the property.
.

OP, what your dad needs to do is to write a will leaving everything to his children. That will then leave everything to you. This will need to be updated if her marries.

However, if they do marry and he leaves her nothing then she may well have a claim against the estate. Depending on the circumstances she may well be successful in claiming part of your father's estate to meet her needs.

If they do marry and your father does not make a will then (presuming you live in England) the first £322,000 will go to his wife and anything above that is split 50/50 with the children.

Thanks - yes he already has a will that leaves it to us.
Our concern is that wills can be superseded very easily by a new one and we wouldn't know until it was too late if she was to take him to a solicitor to write a new one leaving everything to her.
I know it sounds far-fetched but this is what happened to a friend's elderly relative....

I haven't met her yet - she shows no sign of wanting to meet us properly. She has met one of my siblings, didn't speak at all and just stared them down. Very disconcerting - Dad can't see anything wrong with her behaviour though unfortunately...
We have asked him whether he has signed anything she has given him and he said No, but his memory is very poor so we can't rule it out.

Thanks - I registered with the Land Registry a few months ago so that I will get notified if anything changes with the entry for his house.

And yes, as advised by a friend, I have googled her so I know her job, her address, her mobile number, her husband's name, her involvement with local churches 🙄 etc.

Don't worry, I'm not taking it as harsh - one of the reasons we want to protect it precisely so that she doesn't con him out of the money and he can pay for a decent care facility if and when the time comes.
He's vulnerable but can't see it, and he's flattered so he's blind to the risks - we've tried explaining it to him but he's one of those people that just can't see that he'd fall for it....

That's what I'm trying to find out - if he can sign it over to us but we can't do anything with it until it would have come to us after he passes away.
It would reassure him - we wouldn't do anything anyway but he seems to be more suspicious of us than this stranger. It's very upsetting.

We both live within a 5 minute drive of his house and usually see him a couple of times a week each. We've tried the chats - he tells us that he's ended it then it starts again (he said she turns up at his house crying about how much she loves him).
She even sent a mutual friend round one time to persuade Dad that he should start it all up again.
She knows we are local but she's not bothered at all....
I think we do need to talk to him and his bank and invoked the financial POA in case he is already giving her money....

The question is whether he has capacity to make this decision. Social services or a GP should be able to advise if he does or not. If he's able to understand the consequences of a decision then he's allowed to make it as long as it's within the law, even if it's a bad one.

That's a tricky one - he would say yes, he's fine.
I'm a bit concerned about his failing memory and that she could be using that to persuade him that he's agreed to things that he actually hasn't but that she's telling him he has "but he must have forgotten".

Yes, I will email Adult Social Services and we're also planning to talk to the GP too as I think it's affecting his health.

Your father can give the house to you. You can do it for about £5k through a solicitor.

iF your father needs care, you can sell the house and pay the fees. the LA only come after the house if there is any reluctance to pay the fees.

We would not be attempting to avoid care home fees, it's about protecting the house so that he can afford to pay them.

Land Registry monitoring is already in place.
We've talked to Dad endless times - he tells us he's ended it, it's not what he wants, then she talks him into it.
And yes - if she was to get divorced and persuades him to marry her, we understand she would get the house - he says he would never let that happen but she always persuades him to do what she wants.

Surely if he's being coerced then we can protect him somehow?
She shouldn't be sending friends round to persuade him back into a relationship with her....
We will see the GP and I'll also contact Adult Social Services.
Apart from anything else, I'm concerned this woman may be doing this to other elderly men....