Anyway to protect our dad's house from new "girlfriend"? (big age gap, possibly coercive relationship)

[LegalQElderlyDad]

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

Our mum died a few years ago - her share of their house reverted to Dad.

He is now in his late 80s and thinks he's in a relationship with a married woman nearly 40 years his junior. He thinks she is a nice person but resisted her for a long time, telling her he wasn't interested but she kept turning up on his doorstep crying "as she loves him".
We will be talking to his GP as we're very concerned about him (tried the police, they're not interested at all, even though she's had a friend come round to persuade Dad that he really should be in a relationship with her).
She's constantly messaging him, he has to reply quickly, he meets up with her two or three times a day regardless of weather or how he's feeling. He does seem obsessed or possibly controlled (hard to tell the difference tbh).

We obviously have huge concerns and he thinks that - if the house is protected for us - that will prove to us that she is only with him for him, and not for any money or for the house.
Is there any legal way to:

• protect the house from her if it turns out he's wrong about her
• ensure that Dad can live there as long as he wants (we wouldn't kick him out, he's our dad, but ironically he wants to be protected from us but sees no danger with this relatively new, much younger, woman who has pressured him into a relationship)
• prevent her inheriting the house in a way that is legal, and that - god forbid - if he married her that it wouldn't go to her?

I know people will think we're grabby but it's more that we're convinced that, if it's clear to her that she can't ever get the house, that she'll move onto someone else very quickly (from what we hear, Dad isn't the only much older man that she's been seeing....). He's had to have heart investigations due to spiking BP since she's been around so we do have concerns about his health as well.

Age Concern suggested talking to the police, however the police weren't interested and suggested talking to a solicitor which is what we'll do next.
We will also talk to his GP and his bank (we have got both health and financial POAs registered for him already).
We're very worried about this as a similar thing happened to an elderly relative of a friend and it wasn't realised until it was too late.....

I was just wondering if anyone on here has any good advice to keep her from getting the house.

Thanks

Just to let you know
Somebody who I was POA for got a new one without telling me and I was never officially informed, I found out by other means.
I probably could have fought it as I am not sure that person really had capacity to make a new one at that time but to be honest I was more relieved than anything.

Regarding the church, if she’s on the PCC (eg the church committee made up of local parishioners) she would be held to very strict safeguarding rules. Abuse of power and vulnerable adults are covered in this.

It’s perhaps a grey area in that she isn’t acting for the church at the time, but in your position I would be contacting the parish safeguarding lead (should be on their website) or the vicar saying that you have concerns re safeguarding. Mention your father’s vulnerability and the extremes of behaviour (multiple calls a day) and a potential abuse of power. Send any evidence such as screenshots of messages or call logs.

I think at this point I’d be gathering the siblings and going to this lady’s house, beard her in her own den. Embarrass her. Call her out in front of her husband. Tell her the next step is reporting her for harassment, and getting a non-mol. Tell her the parish committee needs to be informed that she’s a safeguarding risk. I’d be very calm, no raised voices, no threats, just outlining the consequences of her actions.

I think it is likely that the husband knows, it isn’t as though she actually has any feelings for your Dad, she is trying to get his assets. It may well be something that she and her husband have done before.

Do this but not alone.

I really would be very surprised if she's married to this man and wouldn't have marriage on her mind to OP's father, if plan A (signing over the house) doesn't work out.

This sort of thing makes me really angry. She's nothing more than a vulture and I'd bet my life that her husband is in on this too.
You don't sound grabby at all, it sounds like she has ulterior motives and you need to protect your dad, before she love bombs him into submission and gets her feet under the table. Is it possible for you to be at his home when she appears? I would be there to confront her and I'd pull no punches. She's found a "victim" in your dad and she'll be relentless in getting what she wants.
Where did he meet her? If he hasn't known her too long, that adds to the worry.
He needs a new phone and a new number that he doesn't know, if she manages to get it, then you know she is manipulating him, as she will have been through his phone to get it.
It's a shame that he's so taken up with the flattery of it all, as it's clouding his judgement.
I'm so sorry I don't have much in the way of advice. But I would be making sure she knows that you're onto her. She clearly has no shame and you need to match that in your approach to her. Threaten her with letting her husband know what's going on (that's if he isn't involved of course).
I really hope you can get through to your dad and resolve all this 💐

The point about Clare’s Law is to protect against future crimes by finding out about past events

I don't get many breaks during the working day so just brief comments for now.
She is definitely married - I've searched online and can find registry info on her marriage and no record (so far) of a divorce but I don't know how long it takes for that info to become public.

Relatives have stayed with him - he just continues to go out to meet her, almost as if he has to.

Her influence is such that if we got him a new phone number, I am 100% sure that he would immediately walk round to her house and give her his new number.

I told him to tell her I was reporting her to the police (she needs a DBS for her work so I thought the threat of that might put her off) - that didn't put her off at all, and the police were no help.

I'll contact Adult social services and arrange a GP appt.
Thanks everyone

I am going through this now with an elderly relative.

Act now, and log the POA with the bank. You have the option to leave him "with capacity" for now, meaning he can manage his own accounts. But it will also give you the ability to monitor his accounts closely and spot any suspicious transactions.

If he has online banking, I suggest you remove it.

Take it from me, prevention is better than cure and I am finding this out the hard way.

Her husband will know, it‘s her „job“ scamming elderly men just like if you are married your husband knows your job.

op I assume when they are going out he’s buying her things?

If she works in care (for example) you could ask to meet with her employer and discuss your concerns. I work in care and at the very least that would be extremely embarrassing -her employer might be concerned enough to have a conversation with her about what her behavior looks like and the accusations that it could bring,

If it were me, I would print out very carefully worded factually accurate leaflets about this person with her photo (withholding your father's information) detailing what she is doing and then leaflet every house in her road, hand them out to people outside of her church, and people leaving her place of work.

You could even put leaflets up on lamposts and in shop windows

OP could get done for harassment.

Would be an interesting investigation.

If your dad signs the house over to you surely she can’t touch it. You’re not doing it to avoid iht you simply declare it on the form when the time comes. You’re also not doing it to deprive assets for care as the intention is to sell if the time comes.

Does he have other monetary assets.

You can log the POA with banks so you can keep an eye on accounts. If you made it in the last few years, you may just be able to do that online (www.gov.uk/use-lasting-power-of-attorney). Different banks have different processes and your Dad will need to be involved/notified, so do it carefully so you don't spook him (ie: spook her). What you don't want is for him to revoke the POA.

I wouldn't necessarily trust you'll be notified if it's revoked. Make sure you have the original paper copy. He will need to send that back to revoke it. However, he can remove you as an attorney, in which case the gov website says it's up to him to notify you...

I would also notify his bank that he is vulnerable and is potentially being targeted by a scammer. Hopefully that should put some sort of flag on his accounts.

Yes, get advice from solicitors. But I think your best bet is to make it physically difficult for this woman to access your Dad. So a rota of family staying with him every day and night.

For my in laws we have
Set up a trust that holds the ownership of their house and savings. My DH is the trustee and my in laws are the beneficiaries.
My in laws do not have the ability to withdraw any money from the trust bank accounts, they have a separate bank account in their names and each month an amount is transferred into it that just covers their living expenses. If they want to go on a vacation or have any extra expenses, they just let DH know and he arranges an extra transfer.
When they die, the trust will unwind and the money will go to the subsequent beneficiaries (the grandchildren). Any change to the details of this has to be approved by my DH.
My inlaws clearly have a great deal of trust in my DH, but are also protected in that the trust is set up for their benefit, so if a trustee was to start spending money on other people, there is legal recourse.

This set up has saved them from being scammed several times and is also now exceptionally useful that FIL has Alzheimer's and MIL doesnt have to worry about managing the finances and DH can just do everything online without multiple painful conversations and visits to remind them of things etc

This will NOT be happening....
Apart from anything it's likely to result in me being the subject of a police investigation (not her), her husband kicking her out and literally everyone local knowing what a fool he's being.....

Speak to a solicitor - there may be a way to get protection via a trust / or alt. if the house is owned by himself and yourself / your siblings as joint tenants (as then the can't be gifted via a will). There will be tax implications on both - so definitely speak to a solicitor.

The more details you share, the more I’m wondering whether your Dad’s capacity IS slightly impaired. Not badly, but he seems to be overly trusting towards others, as if that sense of self-preservation that we develop as adults has gone.

That's such a difficult spot to be in and so stressful for you OP, with elderly parents myself I can only imagine what you're going through, the worry must be immense.

No other advice that's not been covered, I would focus on the daily spending as that will be where she goes initially, as well as the more high level stuff, she will likely plan to syphon off small yet increasing amounts regularly.

You could move in and install security cameras but it sounds like you'd have to body guard him 24/7 almost, if he said he was going out at 10pm to meet her, then you'd have to be getting your coat and say I'll come with you for the fresh air. It's so difficult to safeguard elderly people without infantalising them, it's a horrid position to be put in. I'd say her husband is absolutley aware, and you won't get any assistance from approaching him. I'd certainly be tempted to start getting an urge to sing some hymns on a Sunday morning that's for sure.

Do not give up on the police entirely, there's nothing to stop you going back to them with a diary of events every month, you never know when the balance might tip.

I wish you well with this, it's a vile thing to do to anyone.

Log it with the police & request a reference number
Raise as a safeguarding concern with adult services - provide case reference number
Inform Bank / other finances of safeguarding issue with same case reference
Do a credit search and set up an alert so you are notified of any changes
Educate your dad in cuckooing (documentaries / articles)etc
Tell the minx that you have informed authorities, set up alerts & his property has already been gifted in trust with a lifetime interest. The trust can be set up - it’s only viewed as deprivation of assets if funding not available for care

Agree with all of this except everyone knowing what a fool he’s being. I can’t imagine anyone would think he’s being a fool - he’s being victimised fgs and even if any did it would be the minority and who fares about them? Honestly you really need to be getting tough on this now.

OP needs to be careful because as she said, her father seems more suspicious of her and her siblings than this ‘girlfriend’. So getting tough with her father could alienate him from them, thus making him more vulnerable.