Anyway to protect our dad's house from new "girlfriend"? (big age gap, possibly coercive relationship)

[LegalQElderlyDad]

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

Our mum died a few years ago - her share of their house reverted to Dad.

He is now in his late 80s and thinks he's in a relationship with a married woman nearly 40 years his junior. He thinks she is a nice person but resisted her for a long time, telling her he wasn't interested but she kept turning up on his doorstep crying "as she loves him".
We will be talking to his GP as we're very concerned about him (tried the police, they're not interested at all, even though she's had a friend come round to persuade Dad that he really should be in a relationship with her).
She's constantly messaging him, he has to reply quickly, he meets up with her two or three times a day regardless of weather or how he's feeling. He does seem obsessed or possibly controlled (hard to tell the difference tbh).

We obviously have huge concerns and he thinks that - if the house is protected for us - that will prove to us that she is only with him for him, and not for any money or for the house.
Is there any legal way to:

• protect the house from her if it turns out he's wrong about her
• ensure that Dad can live there as long as he wants (we wouldn't kick him out, he's our dad, but ironically he wants to be protected from us but sees no danger with this relatively new, much younger, woman who has pressured him into a relationship)
• prevent her inheriting the house in a way that is legal, and that - god forbid - if he married her that it wouldn't go to her?

I know people will think we're grabby but it's more that we're convinced that, if it's clear to her that she can't ever get the house, that she'll move onto someone else very quickly (from what we hear, Dad isn't the only much older man that she's been seeing....). He's had to have heart investigations due to spiking BP since she's been around so we do have concerns about his health as well.

Age Concern suggested talking to the police, however the police weren't interested and suggested talking to a solicitor which is what we'll do next.
We will also talk to his GP and his bank (we have got both health and financial POAs registered for him already).
We're very worried about this as a similar thing happened to an elderly relative of a friend and it wasn't realised until it was too late.....

I was just wondering if anyone on here has any good advice to keep her from getting the house.

Thanks

Yes, we'll be getting legal advice but we'd want him to be able to stay living in the house as long as he wants to (it's too big for him really but he wants to be there, so that's fine) so there would be tax implications as a previous poster mentioned.

I'll find a local solicitor who specialises in this sort of stuff

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far, I do really appreciate all the useful suggestions.

Hi OP

I assume he knows she’s married?

I think looking at her social media could be helpful if there is stuff on there of her and hubby together - she’s probably told your dad a fairy story of how she’s badly treated.

Also, what church is it? Is it possible to have a word with the vicar? Does dad say anything to you about her “work” for the church? Could be another avenue to investigate.

Also, agree with @BruFord . Everyone goes to his a lot more, without giving prior notice, so that she knows there are plenty of people looking out for him. Sounds like she awas trying to intimidate your sis so she would feel uncomfortable going round there.

Sounds like she’s a scammer and could be the husband’s well aware. Time for a visit to hers maybe? No nastiness, more like “I just wanted to check that X lives here” and let her wonder why.

Hope it all gets sorted.

He can't judge his own capacity. Has he been assessed medically? I know it's not a black and white thing and it can vary day to day, but it gives you a starting point.

You say the PoA is registered, is that just with the CoP or are the Attorneys registered at the bank etc? If the latter, you should already be in a position to lock everything down.

Definitely ASS though for urgent safeguarding, call first and follow up via email.

Yes, he knows she's married, I think he thinks he's a "catch", he's very flattered.
I will talk to the vicar if I need to - I don't really want to do too much that might cause her husband to kick her out as that will just play into her hands as Dad will then feel obliged to take her in ....

We do go to his a fair bit, often without warning, and he is nearly always out with her....
I've gone round there late evening when it's been dark and he was on his way out to meet her - she seems to insist on seeing him at least twice a day at all hours....
I can't stress how concerned we are for his wellbeing, and how blase he's being about it all - he really has very little awareness generally about his personal safety, not just with this but with other things as well.
I do worry it could be an early sign of dementia or similar, so we do need to talk to the GP.

And yes, it has occurred to us that the husband could be involved, or the mutual "friend" who came round to persuade Dad that he should relent and start seeing her again....
It's all very very stressful....

We do need to get him assessed by the GP so we're planning to talk to the GP on our own first and explain our concerns and that we've got a POA then get them to see Dad.

Currently the POA is just registered with the Court of Protection - I did also check with them that we would get notified (we will) if anyone files a replacement POA that displaces us.
We need to talk to the bank too then.
Thanks

OP there was a thread (a year or so back I think) where the OP was in a very similar situation. So similar that I have wondered if it was the same woman !

Might be worth searching through threads for it.

Honestly OP, I think you are being too nice. I would be staying with my DF indefinitely, confronting her directly and telling her in no
uncertain words where to go. He is a vulnerable old man and she is taking the piss. You need to stop beating about the bush.

Tell her husband!!

That’s awful! Your poor dad.

I would suggest that the husband and friend are complicit.

i would be concerned about her church connections as there will almost certainly be elders and vulnerable people there she either has or is taking advantage of. You need to speak to the vicar sooner rather than later. Get onto the GP, Social Services, the Bank - everyone you can think of to leave a paper trail as such (not forgetting obviously your concerns about his memory etc). So angry for your poor dad.

Yes, this. I’d also be getting my ear to the ground and trying to find out if she’d done the same to anyone else - I very much expect she has.

is there a way of finding local wils?

@DoComeToMeKitty Yes, given that they all live locally, I was also wondering whether some overnight stays might be a good idea. She can’t get to him if someone’s literally in the house.

My Dad’s a similar age and just thinking about this type of behavior makes me so angry.

Her profession is being in libe with OAPs!

Sorry if already suggested but could you get him to install CCTV or Alexa or similar so that you can keep a check on him. I know it's a little like you will be spying on him but given the circumstances it might be useful. You could set it up so that you and him have access details.
Might you be able to 'helpfully' look after his important documents for him? His passports, birth certificate etc. If you could do it with his permission that would be helpful.
Does he always use the same Solicetor? Could you give them the heads up to be careful? I'm not sure if that's possible though.

Hi OP,
I just wanted to say if you/your dad do go down the route of signing the house to your dad's children sooner rather than later consider and research what the consequences for him (and you/your siblings) would be if any of his children die, divorce, go bankrupt or want to sell.

Let's take divorce as an example. If you or a sibling owned a 100k stake in your dad's house and divorced this could be considered a marital asset and affect how much of your own house/savings/pensions you were able to keep.

I think the suggestion to ask your dad if you can keep his documents (birth certificate/driving licence/ passport) safe is a good idea as you often need at least one of this type of document as ID to do heavy duty legal things. Not foolproof of course as replacements could be applied for.

Gosh, how horrible for you. I would go full on abusive husband mode. Start by calling a family meeting without him so you can be coordinated in your approach.

Cameras, both obvious and hidden.
Does he have a mobile phone? A hidden tracker on that. Or an Apple watch?
Activate POA everywhere you can. Do you have access to his bank accounts so you can see where money is going?
Yes, yes to family on a rota staying overnight.
Can anyone take him on holiday? Get him out of the house and away from her for a couple of weeks and block her phone number when you leave?
And stalk her, too. Find out as much as you can about her. Would a Clare’s Law application work here?

@LegalQElderlyDad I knew of a lonely vulnerable man that left a property {600k's worth} to someone who wasn't a relative.{definitely not a sex thing, either}...the man had a son of his own.

They also target other lonely vulnerable but wealthy people.

Block her phone number and change his phone number and then take him on holiday. Can he stay with you for some time?

I would be going round there and politely intimidating the shit out of her if she turns up to visit him. Might be worth hiring a private detective to keep tabs on her.

There was a similar case in Radio 4 Moneybox programme last year and they did give some advice.

I used to have an elderly bachelor neighbour next door who was very lonely. He planned to leave everything to his beloved nephew. Then this young woman health professional started visiting him and quickly befriended him and tried to get him to change his will and things. Fortunately he was a bit of a chatterbox and told us about it and we advised him that she may be taking advantage. We advised caution and thankfully he did eventually see sense and break off contact with her. These people are scum and prey on the most vulnerable in our society.

If you could find some similar stories of what has happened to other vulnerable elderly people, maybe in the press, would your father read them and understand better? He's probably lonely and flattered, so any attention is a plus for him.

Quick response to some of the questions/points made overnight before I start work:

We did put cameras in last year as he was going away and the house would be empty - he told us to leave them afterwards as "they keep her away".

He refused to have a Ring doorbell though...

We have blocked her number on his phone several times at his request - he unblocks her, then deletes all the messages from her every day. I don't think he would have thought of doing this himself, I think she has told him to.

Changing his phone number won't help - he will just give her his new one - he sees her multiple times a day, she sends her friend round, we've seen her waiting nearby when we've dropped him off late at night. She is the definition of a stalker but the police aren't interested. I'm sure they would have had a different view if it had been my nearly 90 year old Mum and a married man nearly 40 years younger.....

We have taken him on holiday a couple of times - he messaged her throughout (unblocking her number to do so). He seems to be obsessed with her.

We have his birth certificate but, as noted, there's nothing to stop him applying for a new one.

We're not aware that he has a solicitor he uses. Mum used to do all that and - as far as we know - he hasn't contacted a solicitor since she died, apart from to review his will back then.

I hadn't thought of Claire's Law and, if it's applicable, it's a bit concerning that the police didn't suggest it when I contacted them with my concerns so I will look into that.

We won't be approaching the husband for now, or doing anything that might cause him to kick her out - we don't want her moving in with Dad as then that will be game over and she'll have what she's after....

We do clearly have to escalate this now at the risk of alienating Dad....

We have given him examples of elderly relatives of people he knows but he thinks they are foolish old people and he knows better 🙄
He's not lonely, he has lots of friends and activities he does but he is flattered.

This is so sinister. What a predator. No suggestions from me but I hope you get this sorted.

The police didn't suggesting using Clare's Law because no crime has been committed.

What about the suggestions from others about you and other family members staying over at his house - strength in numbers?

Can you speak to her husband?