Treated badly at a supermarket

[Peaceguide]

Me and a mate went to a supermarket. When I was at the till, the cashier mentioned __ 'Camera' and some things quietly (he had a earphone). After this incident, I spoke to my mate. He and the people at the store are friends. He said one of the staff (his friend) said to him, He looks suspicious. The security in the room said he kept taking stuffs from the shelf, looking at them and putting them back. He walks around. He has a big bag. This is the 2nd time the system flagged. My mate said to the staff (his friend), He is just browsing the items. He likes to browse / look around. He is a decent bloke. He goes to a faith place. He also said while I was doing shopping, the security was watching you. The earpiece on his ear was flashing red. The security in the room said to him to watch 'him'. There are cameras above (the crystal ball / black dome). They are watching you.

He said they suspect you because you come out with a big bag, you look at stuff a long time etc. I said to him but you know what I have in my bag, I am not a bad / wrong person! (PC stuff, shopping bags etc in my bag cause I can't leave them in my place due to my living situation). He said You know! I know! but they don't know. They are doing this just to you. They do this to everyone because there are a lot of thieves and so on. That's why a couple of weeks ago, he sent a text Hurry up__ ! while I was doing shopping. He said It's nothing personal. After what he said to them, the staff (friend) went to tell the security in room and said to my mate, It's ok, I have told them, it's ok now etc. Which faith place does he go to?

I told him everything, This is what is bothering me. If a store or place suspects you, watches, how would you be? How would you feel? Won't you get upset, angry, offended, hurt, uncomfortable etc? He said he won't get offended etc. I said I won't go there anymore! He said Oh, come on. They are my friends. Look, they have already told them. It's okay. I said If someone, something causes problems, does bad, wrong, offends, hurts one or a certain number of times, I won't go there, I won't have anything to do with them anymore! I have to find a new place to shop at!

I am concerned how am I going to do shopping now. I don't want to go through the same experience again. It is very obnoxious, uncomfortable.

I want to know if there are any actions I can take against the store, how they treated me, for everything. Is there anything I can do? What should be done? I / my conscious is not good leaving this as it is and not do anything, if there is something I should do. I need to stand up. This needs to be sorted.

Almost every single shop has a security guard now and sometimes they’ll get it wrong. No one actually said or did anything to you. Just completely forget about it surely!

Your mate says a lot - too much !
Go shopping without him.

Maybe stop taking so much of whichever the drug is that makes you paranoid.

Because changing shop isn't going to help if you continue taking it.

Are you living in a hostel for the homeless or for people with mental heath difficulties @Peaceguide?

It does sound like you are either ND or suffering from a mental health crisis at the moment as your behaviour in the shop (picking multiple items up, scrutinising them very closely and then not purchasing them) is not the norm for a supermarket. I can understand why that might have attracted the attention of the security guard and why you might have been observed more closely than other shoppers

it’s your reaction to this which is concerning however, not that you were observed in the first place. Do you have a support worker either where you live or at your place of faith? If not maybe speaking to your GP would be a good idea. There are things which can help manage these sorts of intrusive thoughts which could be beneficial to you.

So the cashier said something about a camera while they were serving you. It's vanishing unlikely it was about you because a) you could hear and b) the cashier was looking at you, why would someone need to look at you on camera at the same time!

Then your friend said the security guards earpiece flashed. So what? Maybe someone was talking to him, maybe he had no signal, maybe the battery was low.

Your friend said it was because someone in the security room was telling the security guard to watch you. How could your friend possibly know that? He can't hear what's being said, he's got no idea, he's talking grade A bollocks and is either mentally ill or not a good friend.

'they' are not watching you. There's no big conspiracy. It's not a plot to treat you badly. They're just people existing in the same space as you and sometimes having conversations that are nothing to do with you.

Your friend has wound you up by talking rubbish, and has - if we believe what he's told you - randomly told staff at a shop that you're a good 'faith place' person so they don't need to watch you. Has he though? Did he have any opportunity to? Or is this some mind waves nonsense form a very paranoid person? It sounds very much like people I've known who have smoked a lot of weed and become completely irrational.

My son has a 'mate' like yours. You only have his word for it, he is stirring because weirdly he enjoys your discomfort. It's not a refection on you, no doubt he's a good mate a lot of the time but makes you doubt yourself and any moments of confidence crisis you have are probably down to what he tells you. As I say, it is a reflection on him, not you.

I would say picking stuff up and scrutinising things in a shop is exactly a part of the shopping experience. It's browsing! Some people even pit things in their trolley then out them back and don't buy them 😱

There is absolutely nothing to take personally here. These things happen, you were shopping, they were doing exactly what they are paid to do. Nothing to see here. Move on. I work in a supermarket and the alerts on the headset regarding customers are constant. It's not just YOU.🙄

Shoplifting is a massive issue so there need to be resources used to reduce it. Those resources are in themselves expensive so to bring most value they will look out for the behaviours that have statistically been shown to mean people are more likely to be stealing.

I like to check labels to check what is in food and drink and to see the materials clothing is made of, this probably makes me more of a suspect but as I have no intention of taking anything without paying it doesn't bother me.

The post doesn’t really make sense

I’m not sure what the issue is. If you don’t want to be followed, don’t look suspicious

Everyone is monitored in shops. You're not being victimised here by any member of staff.
You don't sound very well atm. I'm not sure if your friend is playing into that or if your paranoia is related to him as well, but I hope you're feeling better soon. I imagine this feels pretty awful

It is awkward. When I was younger I was always followed around one store, it made me so uncomfortable. I hated going there but it was my local supermarket and I’m naturally lazy. Generally people who dither (I also do this) and/or have bags with them look like potential shoplifters.

I really don’t care anymore, perhaps an age thing. If someone wants to take time out watching me that’s fine. I wouldn’t dream of shoplifting so it really makes no difference to me at all.

OP I think you need to get real.

Security have done nothing wrong (just doing their jobs) and you wouldn’t have been none the wiser if the cashier hasn’t told you.

You want to create issue and drama where there is none. Let it go.

So, you've got a backpack, is it on your back, zipped up, or open in the trolley? Whenever I have other stuff with me, I either hang it on the trolley hook or fold it up nice and tightly in the trolley. Do the same and then you won't look suspicious.

Without your shit stirring friend?

@Peaceguide getting your knickers in a twist about absolutely nothing!! they didnt search you or take you into a sideroom or phone the police! that is 3 minutes of my life I cant get back, spent reading your post!

None issue. Just a shit stirring friend

'Security guards', and you also mean the security in the room watching cameras. And when those times they're wrong / you're the victim, how would you be? How would you feel? Won't it be injustice? Won't you be unfairly treated? Won't you want to get justice, fairness, make a complaint, take legal action, do something?

Personally, I couldn’t give a shit. I’ll do whatever I want, look at whatever I want for however long I want, and if that means there are people watching me or suspecting me, couldn’t care less as I know I’m doing absolutely nothing wrong. They have to look at people for these things as part of their job and if they want to spend time on me, power to them, couldn’t care less either way.

Given you are doing nothing wrong, what does it matter, why are you getting so distressed about this? I don’t believe the level of distress you are experiencing is proportionately normal.

Oh dear, I think your friend is doing you a miss service here, by telling you what the staff/security are thinking/saying/doing and you're believing them without any evidence that they're actually thinking/saying/doing it.

No one approached you directly, no one spoke to you about it, you weren't stopped and searched or asked to turn your bag out. Not every conversation in your vicinity is about you. Literally nothing happened to you in this shop, you browsed and then bought whatever you bought and left.

It sounds to me like your friend is trying to make you feel like you're being targeted, they possibly feel uneasy that you're carrying a big bag with you and that as you were browsing, the 2 together could raise the suspicions of staff, because it's common for shop lifters to do that.

Even if your bag/behaviour did arouse suspicion, because you weren't stealing anything, no action was taken, so I'm not sure what sort of redress you expect? You can't control how people perceive you and as many pp have said, it's a reasonable action for someone employed to watch the customers for those who are shoplifting, to watch the customers, which included you, because unfortunately people who do steal from shops don't have a great big badge identifying them as such, they try to act as normal as possible - like a customer who's not stealing - so they don't raise suspicions and therefore get away with it.

AI would know it's stuff not stuffs

Which faith place does he go to?

What's this got to do with the price of fish?
People of any faith or none steal. It isn't a faith-based thing. I mean you're told not to steal in the 10 commandments for example and in most faiths there's something about not stealing and the vast majority of atheists don't steal either because the vast majority of people have a moral code of not stealing or harming others.
Just because you go to a "faith place" doesn't automatically mean you're not a thief.

Someone entering a store with a large bag and taking a long time looking at lots of different items will look suspicious and staff will keep an eye on them.
You could leave the bag at home. You could ensure the bag is always on your back and zipped up. You could put it on the rack underneath the trolley so it's obvious you aren't accessing it. You could spend less time looking at items. It's a supermarket you say, so it's not like you are debating which item of very expensive clothing to buy so it shouldn't take that long.

Anyway, nothing happened. They just looked at you. It's not like you were stopped and your bag searched, so obviously they'd observed you and decided you hadn't nicked anything.

'Paranoid' is wrong term. Nobody likes being watched, suspected (badly / wrongly). It feels bad. As said, take stuffs in my bag currently due to living situation. When I am in a stable / better place, I leave those stuffs at my place. Yes but few.

I probably wouldn't know, there's still the till cashier who said things which caused my suspicion, my 'friend' had told me about it in this case. But they made me / my life difficult.

I normally keep the shopping bags in backpack. It's more convenient that way. Just saying it again if necessary, I normally leave stuffs at my place when I was in a stable / secure place. Am thinking next time, I will leave the bag in friend's place, try to take just shopping bags and/or what I need out, go shopping then come straight back to friend's place. I normally use a basket. It's bad you have to go through difficulty, inconvenience 'do not touch trolley/basket again until you get to the till'.

AI? If not, it's very poorly written.

I keep my rucksack on my back whilst I shop and I only get my shopping bags out after I unload my shopping from the basket onto the checkout conveyor belt. This makes it very clear that I am not putting items into my rucksack.