This is a long one but I'm in desperate need of some legal advice. I will get a solicitor but this is imminent.
I have a 9 year old son, he's 10 in 2 weeks time. I left his dad in July 2015 due to domestic abuse. Out of fear of social services intervention I never reported the abuse at the time, but it was bad. Multiple occasions of strangulations, kicks, punches, objects thrown, items broken, locked in rooms for hours, phone hidden from me so I couldn't call for help, hair pulled. I left when my son was 5 months old and the only professional person I did disclose the abuse to was a housing officer and I have contacted them to see if they still have a record of that interview although I doubt it as it has been a long time.
I have messages on my phone from his dad's own mum, detailing him refusing to look after my son. These are from 2020 when he used to have supervised visits with his son at his mums house, he screamed at his mum telling her our son wasn't his problem and to leave him alone. He also hit his mum and his sister and was disowned and kicked out. he no longer has contact with any of his family.
for the first few years of his life, untill he was about 6 he was in and out, would go months without asking how he was, didn't see him for ages and then would pop up see him once and disappear again.
In 2021 he started seeing him now and again at his bedsit, I said no at this time to over night stays as he had no bed for our son to sleep in, and I was wary of who else he might live with. I didn't want him sleeping in a house with strangers.
This year he now lives in a 2 bed house with his girlfriend. I should add incase anyone thinks this is a case of bitter baby mum it's really not. I'm getting married soon to a wonderful man, and I have 2 young daughters I'm not jealous of his relationship, I know some people might think that.
So, he's never ever paid me a penny towards our son's upbringing in 9 and a half years. I asked him once to contribute towards football kit for his club he'd joined around 2019 and he said no. He states that he dosnt have to pay me because the government pays to bring our son up despite the fact I haven't claimed any benefits since 2020.
we have a verbal agreement only made through text message that he sees him from 11:30 to 5 on Saturdays and every second Saturday he has started to stay every other Saturday, this started in July 2024 because of his history of abuse I would rather he had no contact at all but I didn't feel I could refuse as I was worried he would take me to court for custody and it would make things worse for my son, so I agreed to this contact to keep the peace. possibly the wrong thing to do.
On the 27th of December I brought up his lack on contribution in hopes of being able to come to an amicable agreement. Our son is getting older, he's in lots of clubs and activities he's got an expensive residential trip soon, but he decided to ignore the message. I left it for a week but on the 4th of January I decided to apply for Child maintenance.
He messaged me yesterday saying that if he was going to pay child maintence he wanted 50/50 custody, obviously because of everything I've mentioned I obviously didn't agree to that, and he said he's going to take it to court and ensure he gets 50/50 custody. Even at the moment he makes any excuse not to go, but I always say he has to go and encourage him to go and have fun. Just this Saturday past his dad messaged me to say he wanted picked up 3 hours early, if he dosnt even want to be there for the minimal amount he goes now, imagine how he'd feel if he had to live there 50/50. Hes only going for 50:50 to worm out of paying maintenance. He's gone 9 almost 10 years doing the bare minimum And now suddenly because it's gonna cost him he wants to be a proper dad.
Im so careful not to bad mouth his dad in front of him, and everything my son says is his own opinion im so careful not to sway him against visiting. And I have never stopped him going out of spite ever, if hes ever not gone it's been down to illness. Or we've agreed over message to swap weekends or miss a weekend due to prior plans such as holidays or birthday parties.
If you've got this far Thankyou. this is where I need the advice...
Our son is supposed to be going to his dads as per our verbal agreement at 11:30 tommorow morning, His dad got him a PS5 for Christmas and some games which is great, the ps5 is in his room at my house because he lives here. That was his choice to allow him to bring it home. but because of our dispute we're having he has tonight while I've been at work messaged our son on the PS5 saying he has to bring the ps5 back to his house, and when my son has said why he said because I bought it, your mum can buy you one. And he will explain tommorow. My son called me crying. It's fine because my partner has a PS5 in the living room so he can have that one. I've been sure not to influence his choice, but he's said he dosnt want to see his dad tommorow now. He's said that his dad is taking out his anger on him and he's really upset and hurt. His words were "you can't just take back a Christmas present because you're angry, why is my dad being so horrible" I have explained to my son that his dads anger is aimed at me and not him and he's not to worry, I will sort it out.
But my question is this, tommorow morning I plan to take the ps5 and any accessories on their box to his house at 11:30. Do I have to force my son to go against his wishes if there's no court order? And if this Coll goes to court which I imagine it will what's the best course of action. What do I do? I don't want to make myself look bad by saying he's not going but at the same time knowing he has a history of abuse against me and other women, how can I send my send unsupervised into his house when I know he's angry and wants to upset me? What if he hurts him? What if he refuses to give him back? I'm beside myself with worry. Any advice would be greatly appreciated