Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

thank you.

anything else is just irresponsible imo.

Fairly sure that's a different poster; one who was refusing to go to midwife appointments and engage with antenatal care.

I'm a mental health professional and I find it staggering and devastating you're being offered no therapy.

I wonder if it's worth speaking to your local MP.

Hi, I have experience in this area.

I cannot offer personalised advice as I don’t know your full circumstances but usually, baby would be moved to a different ward and be cared for by the nurses there separately from you.

You would be able to express milk to be given to your baby, it would depend on your contact arrangements with baby as to whether you breastfeed so speak to your solicitor about this.

In terms of naming the baby, even with an Interim or Full Care Order, you retain PR for your baby. You’re their mum. You would share PR with the Local Authority and theirs is overriding in cases of disagreement. The only way to remove PR from a birth mum is through adoption. You will be able to name your baby and required to register their birth.

I really wish you and your baby all the best through this, it’s so difficult and emotional. I would agree with everyone saying to get an advocate too, don’t go through all this on your own, it’s a lot to deal with. Speak to your perni natal mental health worker and maybe to MIND about advocacy support.

You don’t seem measured. You seem annoyed, irritated and pretending to know more than the OPs experiences and relationships more than she does. You are also invalidating and dismissing her feelings. Validating someone’s feelings is not ‘encouraging anger and distress’ it is validation and doing what you’re doing will cause far greater distress. Perhaps you should suggest the OP has a bath and a hot drink, that’s the level of insight you seem to have - which is little.

You will still have parental responsibility so will have every right to be involved in the naming of your child, ideally in partnership with Dad.

@Mumtobe799 On further thought, could you get legal advice and representation? If you could, these and other questions might be answered and you might find better protection and explanation of your rights.

If you RTFT you'd see that she has.
This is from her second post:

I have a specialist solicitor, I was just wondering if anyone has any advice

FFS if you RTFT (just the OPs posts even) you would know the answer to your suggestion!

Had missed that. Thank you for being so astute! 👍

Ooh i'm new here, not exactly sure how to do what you're suggesting. I'm not on a PC just my phone, it's a bit glitchy. I only answer things as they are appearing to me. Held up today as the OP read all by button wasn't working well. Damn! Thought I was helping...thank you for letting me know.

I have no idea what you're talking about I answered in good faith and have been thanked for it. I am an experienced bod, and also kind to OPs. I am how ever intolerant of ignorant and rude people especially when they are speaking to and about a very sick vulnerable person who is being discussed as if she isnt there. I don't need your permission. Its a public forum. If you don't want caring professionals commenting, why are you here? You don't own the space? Its the OPs post. I didn't even come here happen stance, I was invited. I have no idea who you are? And I have never referred to you as far as I'm aware. Soothe your troubled brow. And stop threatening me and name calling/ being rude, before you understand you've made a mistake...

Absolutely this!

Not only is OP not having any therapy now, she won't have it after giving birth either (OP said: Ive had no psychological support and will be discharged from Specialist Perinatal as I won’t be primary caregiver so it means I lose specialist support after birth sadly )

That is shocking! A woman having peri natal psychosis, with a history of PPP. Fingers crossed - hard - that she is luckier this time, but statistically, she is being abandoned to a second bout of PPP. Don't health professionals know what giving birth entails, what it does to your hormones and your MH? Really??

OP, you will get through this and hopefully you will be able to bond with your baby and have more frequent and continued access to both your eldest and the baby as time goes on.

But I do implore you to look after yourself now, and ask if there is a way to receive therapy straight after birth.
And please ignore the dangerously ignorant posts about 'accountability'.
I hope you get some decent sleep soon 🌷.

I’m also a mental health professional and have put my views in previous posts, however it is unlikely that the OP will be discharged from perinatal without being referred to a community mental health team first. OP will be considered high risk, and knowing how defensive services are and how keen to cover their behinds to avoid complaint, discharging with no support seems an unlikely possibility. Unfortunately so much gate keeping happens around access to services and referrals are bounced between teams, it could be that the perinatal team could keep the OP in their service considering all the complexities and she will have only just given birth. If not then the perinatal team will refer her back to the community.

If this doesn’t happen, and she is discharged with no follow on support, there is grounds for serious complaint unless I am missing something here which has been omitted.

But yes the fact she’s not seen a psychologist at all is shocking and highly questionable, from a clinical standpoint.

OP, my heart absolutely breaks for you. It sounds like you have been extremely let down like a lot of people with mental health issues by the NHS. I cannot believe that they're being so unsupportive and not facilitating you having all the care and support you need to keep your baby. Like you say, it's not as if there is substance misuse or domestic violence issues, you didn't even have any mental health issues until pregnancy. Post partum psychosis is not your fault and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to be with your child and that shows just how great a mum you are. I understand there is a risk and that things need to happen to protect the baby incase the psychosis happens again, but I feel that if you had the right care and support your baby doesn't need to be taken away from you. I also don't see how you have been blamed for trying to hurt your child, you had a psychosis episode and naturally but drastically tried to get yourself out of it. As someone who's really struggling with pnd right now, I feel at an absolute loss for you. I honestly feel like this is why women don't reach out for help for fear of such an extreme reaction from services.

Thank you so much for your kind replies. I’ve read every single one.

I just don’t know how I navigate the next few weeks. I can’t eat, sleep and I’m so so so dizzy, I feel I’m about to faint constantly.

Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end.

Try to reframe it in your mind if you can. I know it's easier said than done, but try to be grateful that your ex will look after your baby so that you can heal. Once you are better, you can work on getting your baby back home with you.

None of this is your fault and it's obvious that you are not being supported in the way you deserve, but you can get through this.

I will be sending you all of the calming and healing vibes I can muster. You have so many women rooting for you here. You can do this.

I have had PND and been under the crisis team and what helped me when I was unwell was only thinking about the next 30 minutes and no more. At the end of that 30 minutes I repeated the process.
Understandably you are spiralling about what the future holds. Your brain is feverishly trying to solve this awful situation you are in. And of course you must spend some time thinking about how to handle what’s ahead. But your brain will work better if you allow it to rest in between bouts of thinking. Please give yourself permission to rest and let your brain and body replenish themselves.

Hi OP. I don't have any advice to offer you I'm afraid, but just sending you good wishes and thoughts. You've found yourself in this terrible situation through no fault of your own. You deserve support, love and empathy. It could be any one of us that experienced this, I'm sorry that it's you . You sound intelligent and caring. I wish you nothing but positive thoughts and hopes for you and your children in the future. You will get through this 💕

So sorry OP. This is heartbreaking to read.

I have had non pregnancy psychosis. Been sectioned etc. So I know what psychosis is like and can’t imagine what you have been through and what you’re going through at the moment with the knowledge you will be separated for a period.

The fact you have been given low support is awful and that no one is communicating clear plans with you must be adding to your distress. I feel absolutely terrible you are navigating this. You are doing so well with coping.

Can you go and stay with your parents maybe? Have someone to support and feed you and you can just sleep, cry, eat, bath. Just put your feet up if you can and try to stay as relaxed and well rested as possible. This will hopefully reduce the chance of a relapse and as your on medication already it might be ok if you can be somehow superhuman zen about this. Which is honestly superhuman. Most normal people couldn’t do that let alone someone post partum or at psychosis. So if you can’t make it without having a full on meltdown then it’s not your fault. It really isn’t. But really do try to give yourself the best chance and if that means leaning on others then absolutely do!

Goodluck and we are all here for you 🌷

I have found that sometimes the only way to get through the gatekeeping and get help is to use the official channels of complaint. But I have only ever done them after the event. When you are unwell it is pretty much impossible. And PALs in my experience side with the medical team unless they are really forced to examine written evidence etc.

I know there are charities offering advocacy but this differs from area to area. I sympathise so much and I hope your solicitor is a very efficient one

@friendlyflicka I agree, unfortunately it is emotionally and physically exhausting and re-traumatising to go through the complaints process which leads people to not go ahead with it. It is understandable as you must protect your wellbeing first and foremost, it’s frustrating that it takes a complaint for people to feel listened to. There should be far more collaboration and opportunities for meaningful feedback before a formal complaint process is needed.

Wishing all the best to the OP.

I just wanted to update this thread

Social Services have confirmed they will be seeking an Interim Care Order in favour of my baby’s Dad shortly after birth.

My baby and I have to stay in for a few days. We’ll be staying together and separated upon discharge. Baby for monitoring as I’ve been taking prescribed medication during my pregnancy and myself for a mental health assessment as if I’m going to become unwell with Post Partum Psychosis it will likely come on over a few days after birth.

I’ll be seeing baby a minimum of a few times a week, some of this will be in a centre for assessment purposes and some will be at home with my older baby.

I can choose a name and register baby. I can also choose to breastfeed during our time together and supply milk, they have said there’s no issue with this. I’ll also be recommending baby is supplemented with Kendamill as this is Kosher (thank you to the lady who commented that).

During the Interim Care Order I will have the opportunity to be reassessed, there will likely be psychiatric assessments and other assessments out in place.

I wanted to update as everyone has been very kind on this thread and also in case there’s another woman who is going through similar and wants some information.

I’ll continue to update the thread as and when things happen. Thank you again for all of your support x

Oh @Mumtobe799 that all sounds really good (in the circumstances) and I am so pleased for you, and hope that you get all the care you need to have you home with your little one as soon as possible.