Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

It’s really a tragedy that there are not enough mother and baby units to meet the huge demand. It very much sounds to me as if this would be an ideal solution. Is there any way you can get legal representation and push for this @Mumtobe799

she has a solicitor already and has been assessed as too severe for MB unit.

Of course you're not undeserving of a child! It's not your fault you're not well. I really hope things improve and you can have regular contact with your baby in the future x

Work with your lawyer, see if you can get a change of social worker and a review of the previous social worker's findings based. You may not be able to change the outcome but you should feel safe when working with social services and your medical team.

Personally, I've been quite concerned when coming into contact with social workers from other countries who are now working here. This is an issue that extends to the health visiting team too (and other areas of the NHS and local government). Cultural differences are bad enough as they are without throwing religious differences into the mix, further compounded by not fully understanding the situation so they hinder and cause harm rather than support those they're working with.

Edit: Have you had anyone else (e.g., parents) with you during the meeting with your social worker? Has there been another social worker present due to the nature of discussions? I find it odd this isn't happening - especially with a social worker who isn't (from your side) understanding of the situation at all. There should be a support person with you to help you feel more at ease. Please talk to your lawyer and get this in place alongside relevant medical support.

@beAsensible1 ’Trustful engagement’ goes both ways and actually the onus on providing a psychologically safe environment is on service providers. It helps if they adhere to the principles of trauma-informed care, and operate with openness and transparency, being mindful of the inherent power imbalances that exist in mental health teams between patients and professionals. Cultural competence is also part of this. The OP’s feelings and concerns seem valid to me. She is hardly going to ‘maintain equilibrium’ during this highly uncertain, stressful and uncertain time. She needs psychological support and she is not even getting that.

I didn't get to the end of the thread, but I just wanted to send you my heartfelt best wishes.

My mother had a lot of mental health problems in her life, and like you, she did the best she could.

I don't have anything else to say but that.

This is my point though there should be units that can deal with all levels of need.

She has a solicitor!! You'd think on a long, emotionally fraught and real life important thread like this posters would read all the OP's updates before posting!

I honestly don’t know what I’d do if they tried to remove my baby directly after birth, I don’t even think I could get myself to hospital to have them as I’d be in such a state

OP you've made countless threads during this pregnancy, under lots of different user names.

But the one that concerned me the most was when you talked about moving to a different area and giving birth alone, having changed your name.
You were adamant that it would be the best thing for the baby.

You've also been clear that your pregnancy was not an accident, because you wanted to prove to social services that you were well enough to look after a baby. In some of your threads, you did not agree that the eventual removal of your first child had been in his best interests.

Clearly your boyfriend also bears some responsibility for not using contraception.

He will soon be a single father to four children. It's fortunate that he has stepped up, and agreed to have the new baby when she arrives.

I hope that you'll eventually be able to have contact with both your children. But you must cooperate with social services.

So sorry to hear this OP. The thing that stood out to me as someone who used to be a care co-ordinator in a perinatal mental health service is that it sounds like you'll be discharged from them shortly after your baby is born?

The way the services are commissioned means that mum needs to have baby with her in order to access the service. However, there is some flexibility. I had a case myself whereby I was able to keep the patient on for about 3 months as there was a good chance the baby could be returned. In this case there were some other issues and unfortunately she didn't end up getting her baby back due to these.

What I'm confused about is that if their only concern is postpartum psychosis, which typically presents very quickly after birth, then surely at some point in the relatively near future they will be able to reevaluate your risk level and determine whether baby can return. Certainly if this case the team I worked in would have kept you on, offered support and kept the situation under close review. If postpartum psychosis is really the only concern of SS (in the context of potential harm due to delusional content) then surely the plan should be to offer as much support and specialist input/assessment as possible so that your baby can come back to you as soon as it is safe for them to do so.

I echo what everyone else has said, just engage as much as possible (which it sounds like you are) and contact APP as soon as possible, they are amazing. Thinking of you and your little one x

RTFT.
This issue has been addressed on here, many times.

I may have misread but I thought OP said she was not ill enough now for a M and B mental health unit but too risky for a parent and child care placement. MBUs are short term interventions to stabilise mum for a move on plan. If there is no possibility of her moving on to a placement together with baby then a MBU would be a waste of resources and OP's emotional resilience anyway.

I have no experience of what you are going through but just wanted to message to show support and say I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it literally could of been any one of us who have given birth or will give birth and your social worker should be empathetic towards you.

Having worked closely with many social workers I am well aware how some can be cold, robotic and unreliable. I think sadly they have so many cases to deal with all at once and they often become desensitised to the cases and people they are dealing with. I hope everything turns out for the best for you.

If your ex partner who will care for your baby lives close by, maybe you could express milk for your baby and drop it over daily.

I don't think the OP is allowed to go to his house.
Contact with her older child is facilitated by her parents at their house, and must be supervised, even five years later.

Yes, exactly.

Oh OP, I've been reading your thread since early morning, please try to rest even if you can't sleep, sending so many good wishes that everything works out for you.

Specifically how does she do that? Yours sounds like really good advice to OP. But it may be she doesn't know even how to do it. OP speak to your doctors, get help from citizens advice as to where to go for legal advice. They have a legal section. If you give your general area we can help you find the addresses you need. Speak to your obstetric team, they can provide you with advocacy and social work input as can your midwife. Perhaps this contributer will message you with specific ways to help. I'm not going to judge you at all as to the why they are doing it because we know nothing of the circumstances. In my experience the SS do either way too much or not enough. Clearly here it's not enough support for OP. Otherwise she'd know the answers to these questions. There's support here always but no judging, your contributions to help OP are not supposed to be judgemental or rude or upsetting for her.

It's important to establish why they want to remove your baby from you at birth. Especially if you want to breastfeed. Why do you think this is happening? Who supports you now? GP? Midwife? Any family relative?

It's harder to help without the specific answers to those questions but you must be feeling awfully apprehensive right now. Try to stay calm and hopefully we'll get you some help. If you don't want to share of course it's your choice but I hope you take at least the advice to get legal help and share with your midwife.

Can you try to tell us where you feel you need support?

Sorry, I haven’t read the whole thread, but you should really contact www.app-network.org if you haven’t already. They are a great charity with an excellent support network and I’m sure someone there could help you.

Is there no one you can take along to these meetings to advocate for you?

Specifically how does she do that? Yours sounds like really good advice to OP. But it may be she doesn't know even how to do it. OP speak to your doctors, get help from citizens advice as to where to go for legal advice

@Mamabearsmile I don't know who you're addressing in your post as you haven't quoted anyone.

All the answers to your many questions are contained within this thread, however. And the OP has got a solicitor.

Over 200 posts and quite a few by the OP answer your questions. Read the fucking thread!!

I don't know if anyone has answered this already as I've only read your posts. The contact centre will be because there is a chance you will recover and have an active role in parenting the baby in the future. Contact centre contact is supervised and the supervisor will write a report each time of how contact went and how you interact and parent the baby. This will be used in any future decisions regarding residency or frequency of contact etc.

I really hope you recover OP it's a horrible situation you're in and it isn't your fault. I'm very impressed at the way you are planning for your baby's care and how to minimise the withdrawal and put aside your differences with your ex in order to make sure the children's needs come first. You clearly understand that you are not capable of parenting at the moment and your acceptance of this fact will reflect well on you.

You can request a different social worker citing cultural and religious differences but honestly I would be trying to make an ally of the one you have. Social workers care about children. The parents needs don't really factor into it, they are there for the children. Maybe use that as something you do have in common. You both want what is best for your children even if you don't quite agree on what that is.

I would offer an olive branch. Perhaps a Christmas card? Just saying you understand that there are differences between you but thank you for her effort with your children. Even if you don't particularly feel it. Social work is a stressful, frustrating and thankless job sometimes and they certainly don't do it for the money. I'd put money on it that she does care. So if you can forge some kind of working relationship it will only benefit your children.

It's super important to attend and stick out as many of the meetings as you can. Even if it's hard. You should be given the opportunity to speak so you can ask questions and tell them where you are struggling and point out areas that you feel you have improved and what you are working to improve. It's not just your social worker who gets a say.

“If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there’d be no need for tinkers”

There isn’t the support- Mental health is a Cinderella service.

A mother and baby walked out of a maternity hospital to their deaths a few years ago , walking past nurses who were distracted by snacks at a vending machine.

There is no funding, no support.