Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Part of my job is supervising contact between parents and children who live apart. In the years I've been doing it and chatting with the mothers, I can't recall a single case where a mother hasn't had at least a couple of days (often nearer a week) in hospital with their baby, before the baby went to live elsewhere. This includes mothers still in active drug addiction up to the time of birth, unless they choose to self discharge and leave the baby in hospital. I assume exactly how this works and the level of supervision at this time varies according to the safety plan in place.

I've known mothers to breastfeed while they're in hospital and then to express and freeze milk, which they've passed to the foster carer, who supplements with formula as necessary. On a practical level, a lunchbox sized cool bag, ice blocks and lots of milk pots for the freezer so you can swap your full ones for empty ones from dad, assuming he's willing, is useful to have ready for when you get home.

Normally the mother would register the baby's birth unless they're medically (or otherwise) unable to do so, and as such, names are your choice. You don't need to have the baby with you when you do this but it's helpful if you can take their red book. It might be possible to do it in the hospital before you leave (some have this facility, not all). More info here: https://www.gov.uk/register-birth

RTFT

I'm so sad for you OP and I hope that you get well soon and have your beautiful babies back with you permanently once this nightmare is over. A relative of mine had this and it was horrific. She was absolutely fine having been treated and is so close and the best mother to her dc today. Can you get a long form of contraception after you have this baby? Hugs and best wishes to you.

No judgement OP, just a hug x

I have no information to give but want to say I am so so sorry you are going through this.
You ought to be informed about the process; insist of being given the information that applies to your particular situation because generic advice may not be correct. Ask social services and the midwives to put it in writing. They may have to say that some things depend on others and can't be predicted, but at least you'll know that.

Usually at discharge point. I had my granddaughter’from birth’. She was 4 days old when her and mum were discharged separately. All paperwork for section 20 was signed at that point.

@Mumtobe799. I have popped back in to say that I feel like you are being punished for 100% of the responsibility for contraception when the baby’s father was equally involved and knew the risks he was taking too. Not just by the social worker, but by the father himself. That doesn’t seem to have been addressed.

Actually I disagree. You’re working with SS, you’re not arguing what’s best. You acknowledge your own limitations (despite being no fault of your own).

As I told my DIL. It takes a strong woman that loves her child to accept she might not be he best option in the first instance. It is not declaration of failure, rather an act of courage.

My DIL cared for her baby, with midwife support until she was discharged. There was a specialist midwife to assist her with the complex emotions surrounding removal.

there is a back story. she has experienced it previously and she tried to harm herself at 20 weeks.

she has a solicitor and needs to remain safe and engaged with the process and her professional tram to ensure good outcomes for both baby and herself.

Post Partum Psychosis is a very serious MH issue and should be dealt with immediately and calmly for everyone involved. encouraging resistance to care is unhelpful.

Poor baby, having to withdraw from medication, then being torn away from its mother.

Did you think this would help? REALLY? Read the room.

Thank you for your kind words everyone

I had a meeting the Social Worker was so cold. I burst into tears and had to leave after 20 minutes.
I just cannot cope with the fact they’re going to remove my newborn baby and no one is giving me any plan moving forward.

I feel sick, I can’t eat or sleep. I am in an absolute state. I don’t know how women do this.

I don’t know the answers but I wanted to send you wishes of support. Reach out to all the medical and social work professionals who will listen and help you and your baby.

It’s likely my baby won’t have withdrawal symptoms, they’re being monitored just in case. This is why the consultant has said breastfeeding even if for a few days will be helpful in case of a withdrawal.

@Mumtobe799 Have they said why they are not giving you a plan or any information? Do you have any access to psychological support at this time? Sending you strength 💐

No. They’re literally giving me nothing despite me pushing. I am due to give birth in around 10 days.

Ive had no psychological support and will be discharged from Specialist Perinatal as I won’t be primary caregiver so it means I lose specialist support after birth sadly.

You mentioned that your Social Worker is from a different cultural background to you, and you are Jewish. I’m sure she is being professional, but I can’t help wondering if her coldness towards you is due to unconscious bias. Is there any way you can request that a different social worker is assigned to your case?

There is 100% a cultural and religious bias. She trained in another country very different to the UK and I doubt she has any experience of working with Jewish families as the area I live in isn’t very ‘Jewish’. Whenever I mention my religious views they’re discarded straight away. It’s almost like kosher or my religious celebrations aren’t important at all.

My dd had ppp after her 2 nd baby and we had an awful time trying to get her on the correct meds . I wish you and your baby all the best and hope you get well soon x

Your baby won't have to stay in hospital for a few days. She or he can be discharged immediately to her father's care.

Surely it depends? Baby can be in hospital for all kinds of reasons: jaundice, inhaling meconium etc. you never know.

Oh Op it’s so tough that’s there’s no mental health support for you after this, can you GP help?

im so sorry to read your social worker was cold and your meeting was not calm and okay. I expect you burst in to tears because it doesn’t feel right in your gut to be separated from baby. I don’t think any women in your position find it easy, you won’t be alone in it being such a tough period. Keep focusing on the finish line which is getting better and working towards having more contact with your children

As you have no alcohol or substance concerns it is absolutely reasonable and possible for you to feed your baby breastmilk. You would have to get it double checked if you are on any other medications but if your consultant is happy that it’s low or no risk then SS should support this. You will likely need to freeze milk and then regular collections will be organised . I’ve seen it done successfully a few times so absolutely put the idea forward as it is in baby’s best interests .

I’m sorry to hear this. Presumably you will be under the care of a community mental health team instead and will be able to have support there? You will not be left with nothing. We are all thinking of you and sending you strength.

Just so your aware op you disclosed the gender upthread.

Your in my thoughts

OP please get some sleep, you've been on here all night and this won't help your stress levels nor help you to maintain equilibrium.

Please remember the social worker wants what is best for your baby. As a previous poster said trust in your team and trustful engagement is important.

Get some rest and then call a family member or friend for a chat and some verbal support. You have been here before and made it out the other side.

you will again, remain strong and think of positive outcomes.