Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

OP IS entitled to non means non merits Legal Aid, no question about “usually”. See a children’s panel solicitor NOW OP. Just do it. Ignore posts telling you to see some vague “advisory service”. Social Care should have given you a list of appropriate solicitors local to you and if they haven’t, you can ask them, otherwise Google. You need legal advice now, not MN.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it sounds truly heartbreaking for you.
Maybe you could write something with your solicitor before the birth about what you want for your baby —names, to be present at registration, anything else that you would like but within reason? ( might not be practical for dad to be constantly collecting milk from you for example and that could also put oressure on you)
I hope your future goes well, and you can be the mum you obviously want to be.
I don’t know much about pregnancy and post partum psychosis but maybe it’s important not to be pregnant again and to get advice from a professional you trust ? You don’t want to fall ill again, it sounds really frightening.

Wishing you and your baby all the best. 💐

I wish you all the best I hope you and baby get all the support you need.

Based on my experience, it is unlikely the DNA test would take weeks due to the situation. The test will be done as high priority to provide the required evidence, by the court date, for social services to remove the baby and place in the care of the presumed father. For at least a couple of days, OP will be able to care, or at least, breastfeed, for their baby. They'll be supervised (ideally by midwife or relevant medical professional) but they should have access.

Your thread has moved an old hard nut like me to tears this morning.

What a horrible illness. Wishing you and your children good health and all best.

You sound like you’re dealing with this in the best way, very calm and rational. Stay strong and I’m sending you love and strength x

Gosh OP you can’t help having psychosis! I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your baby, and I hope things will work out for you in the future. Unmumsnetty hugs and to you

Just to read is unbearably sad but a mere fraction of what you are coping with.

Wishing you all the very best and hope to read better news from you in the future.

Were you and dad living together when you fell pregnant the second time? You mention he had custody and you had visitation. Was the relationship a committed one? Why is he questioning paternity of the 2nd child?

All irrelevant to the matter in hand and to the advice OP is seeking.

Sorry but I doubt they will let you breastfeed at least not for more than a day or two, as soon as baby is removed I don't see how they'd go about with the logistics of you expressing your milk and giving it to dad. Unfortunately dad has main responsibility once the baby is born and he might prefer to formula feed anyway

I'm also incredibly moved by your thread OP.

I know a lot of mental ill health is closely related to trauma (mine certainly is), and trauma is caused by a lack of agency during distressing incidents in one's past. To me it seems as if it would be beneficial to your mental health (and therefore to your baby) for the services involved to a) keep you better informed about precisely what will happen and b) to allow you agency to make decisions where it is safe to do so.

Otherwise aren't they just exacerbating an already difficult situation?

However I'm no expert in psychosis medications etc.

Please do stay around for support here longer term.. It is heartbreaking that you view yourself as unworthy. Your mental illness is not your fault.

OP- this horrible illness doesn’t totally define you. You sound like a very loving mum, despite your horrendous situation.You’ve said medical advice is that you breastfeed- hold on to this as it should be a positive thing and a good opportunity for bonding/closeness.
So glad you’ve got your parents for support.
Take lots of photos, footprints, handprints; maybe a little lock of hair. Do things that will give you some comfort in these awful times.
Don’t worry that people will judge you- most won’t
Wishing you all the best and hope you feel much better very soon

Absolutely this. Perinatal services should be trauma-informed, which means actively working towards reducing re-traumatisation - by ensuring transparency, choice where possible, agency, psychological safety and trust. Unfortunately involvement with mental health services can serve to add to someone’s pre-existing trauma. It’s not good enough.

I wasn't married when my first child was born, but the Registrar held a few sessions a week at the maternity hospital, so partner and I were able to Register the birth together before we left. An unmarried Dad has to be present to do this.
Does your hospital offer this?
Could you tolerate it? Assuming you're well, of course.
I wish you all the best.

I'm moved to tears reading this, @Mumtobe799 and want to send you much love.

Dad doesn’t want the baby but feels pushed into a corner and I feel guilt because it’s going to disrupt his life a lot.

Please don't feel guilty about disrupting your baby's dad's life, because he knew the risks of unprotected sex but went ahead anyway.

You are facing this awful situation with grace - very best of luck to you OP.

Just want to send you a hug dearest girl, two friends of mine have had PPP and it's a horrible illness...both are now at home with their children and hopefully before too long you will be too.

Oh OP, I’ve not read the whole thread but this is heart breaking to read. Every mother’s worse nightmare - mental health can affect anyone.

I wish I could give you a hug. I’m not sure if this is the wrong choice of words but stay strong, and hopefully you’ll be reunited with your babies soon.

Oh OP, I’ve not read the whole thread but this is heart breaking to read. Every mother’s worse nightmare - mental health can affect anyone.

I wish I could give you a hug. I’m not sure if this is the wrong choice of words but stay strong, and hopefully you’ll be reunited with your babies soon.

Tubes being tied isn't serious or invasive, it's keyhole surgery, not hysterectomy .

This is what many women have done when they have completed their families.

If there was no more risk of more children to trigger the mental health problems, the chances of getting existing children back might be greater? {Or at least having a chance to see them regularly}

Hi @Mumtobe799, I can’t give you any advice but I just want to say I wish you all the very best. You come across as incredibly eloquent and desperate to do the best for both your children. I really hope that all goes well for you x

I have no useful advice to offer but would like to offer you my deepest sympathy and hopes for the future. Remember none of this is your fault. Like many others on this thread I send you a virtual hug.🩷

I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you at this very challenging time and that you sound like such a caring mum. I hope that all the professionals are treating you with respect and compassion and that the future brings you health and peace

I’m sorry I have no advice but I just want to say I’m proud of you. You’ve struggled with mental health during this pregnancy and yet you still want what’s best for your baby. You’re in the right place for your MH and I’m proud of you xxx

It's still a permanent (usually) procedure! You can't render people without mental capacity infertile.