Crazy ex in laws suing for child visitation and parental rights (England)

[Cliffordthedog]

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate insight or support of any kind on this, any legal insight would be extremely appreciated.

My ex partners (separated for over a year but not formally divorced yet) parents are taking us to court trying to get visitation and parental right over our daughter, age 3, after we stopped contact with them following an incident where they kicked my ex out of their flat while my daughter was also with them. He tried to get back in to her but they wouldn’t let him.

They’ve made false allegations about us on the form C100, incl. child abuse and neglect (these are completely false and we have plenty of evidence, this child is the light of our lives). My ex has had lifelong struggles with severe depression and alcohol. Never in front of our child. They’re using that to say he’s unfit to be a parent.

There’s a lot of toxicity and abuse in the family. My ex grew up with an enormous amount of trauma from them. His mom is an alcoholic who’s lied about going to rehab (can’t prove that one because ex partners sister won’t provide evidence, she’s their flying monkey). They’ve spat at my ex in front of our daughter. Started fights. Called the police on him for slamming a door (they lied about this on the C100, saying they asked the police to drop any charges while in actuality police saw it as a nuisance call — we have proof).

The sad part is we were naive and intimidated by them for a while after her birth so they were very involved. They have a mean narc streak and going against them was really tough, always. My daughter is their golden child and they’ve always tried to get more and more contact with her. They’d do nice things for us and demand more contact with her in return, then trash talk us to other people. We lived with them for several month so they’re claiming an established bond. But that bond was build on control and manipulation.

I also have a new partner who is my rock. Both him and I support my ex. Me and ex have a good relationship now and our daughter is our priority.

Ex in laws have also twice taken pictures in public of my new partner. Once surreptitiously (then circulated it among their friends) and then while my partner was working (outside). We filed a police report for stalking.

Please, if anyone has any experience with this, I’d appreciate any insight. We have some savings we were hoping to pay for a down payment on a house with. I’m so afraid that this is all going to go down the drain because I was so naive with these people.

Will x-post to raised by narcissists

I think this thread is becoming very unhelpful to the OP with a LOT of misinformation being spread from people who seemingly have no understanding of family courts.

There's no reason to scaremonger especially if you don't know what you're talking about.

OP your current relationship, as long as it's healthy, shouldn't be a problem.

Thank you. It did make me feel anxious to read those comments and I’m now afraid that I’ll be seen as a bad mum for trying to do something good. The reality is I took her out of a volatile and unstable family. Since we cut contact, ex partner has thrived and is in two types of therapy, thriving at work etc which has all led him to be the best dad possible. My new partner is a one in a million type and has had a highly positive impact on my daughter through his super calm, safe and overall lovely personality. She adores him AND her daddy who is now predictably there for her.

Thank you so much for this comment, this aligns with my reasoning as well.

I don't want to say much but as someone who knows family courts, there's nothing you've written that you need to worry about in regards to your own parenting. Based on what you've shared here.

Agree with this

But surely visitation rights should be granted, they clearly love gc

They’re abusers, who illegally tried to stop the girl’s father taking her home, and apparently didn’t care much about their other GC (truly loving people don’t play favourites).
If they get visitation rights, it’s not out of the scope of possibility that they’d straight up kidnap this grandchild and her real, legal parents might never see her again. Not that I want to scare OP but her posts make it clear the grandparents are not safe people for the GC to be with.

If it does make it to court your ex could see if his privately paid therapist may be able to provide some proof of their abuse as parents and ongoing alcoholism. I don't know if an NHS employee could do this, hence suggesting the non NHS one.

For PP love isn't enough if it comes with damaging abuse. I can't see people like this being a positive presence in any child's life.

Sad to see yet another update you fawning all over this new partner.

This case sounds so complicated. It actually does need a full social services assessment of need.

This just turned 3 year old has had a lot of caregivers in her short life. She needs stability & consistency. She is the priority here.

It's not a straightforward grandparent access case. Those fail. Given the thread from last May the GPs had care of DGD 2 hours a day plus weekends and she even lived with them for a time when OP had PND & ex DP seemingly couldn't cope due to his alcoholism.

Just those circumstances alone could have triggered a SS investigation if they'd known. A solid care & support plan should have been done then rather than this dragging on for 3 years.

OP you previously stated DD was attached to DGP - this will hold weight with the court. However much you don't like them as ex primary carers there is every chance a court could grant contact to maintain this attachment. Does DD miss them? Ask for them?

You need to develop more insight into how it affects a baby's development to have had a Mum with PND & a DAD who was an alcoholic 'always on his phone' who were both so unable to manage her care that they had to move in with the grandparents to help care for her. So that's 4 main carers already.
Now she's had the loss (separation anxiety?) of 3 of those and the introduction of a new father figure. If you don't acknowledge this to CAFFASS it will be a red flag that you have insufficient understanding of child development & her need for consistent care.

Things like calling GPs 'narcs' and saying your dd is beautiful are completely irrelevant & show a naivety that is a red flag.

What is the health visitors view?

Do you have any other support such as home start?

You really need an outsiders view.

Didn't let father take her home because of his alleged behaviour?
Important to see both sides objectively