Crazy ex in laws suing for child visitation and parental rights (England)

[Cliffordthedog]

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate insight or support of any kind on this, any legal insight would be extremely appreciated.

My ex partners (separated for over a year but not formally divorced yet) parents are taking us to court trying to get visitation and parental right over our daughter, age 3, after we stopped contact with them following an incident where they kicked my ex out of their flat while my daughter was also with them. He tried to get back in to her but they wouldn’t let him.

They’ve made false allegations about us on the form C100, incl. child abuse and neglect (these are completely false and we have plenty of evidence, this child is the light of our lives). My ex has had lifelong struggles with severe depression and alcohol. Never in front of our child. They’re using that to say he’s unfit to be a parent.

There’s a lot of toxicity and abuse in the family. My ex grew up with an enormous amount of trauma from them. His mom is an alcoholic who’s lied about going to rehab (can’t prove that one because ex partners sister won’t provide evidence, she’s their flying monkey). They’ve spat at my ex in front of our daughter. Started fights. Called the police on him for slamming a door (they lied about this on the C100, saying they asked the police to drop any charges while in actuality police saw it as a nuisance call — we have proof).

The sad part is we were naive and intimidated by them for a while after her birth so they were very involved. They have a mean narc streak and going against them was really tough, always. My daughter is their golden child and they’ve always tried to get more and more contact with her. They’d do nice things for us and demand more contact with her in return, then trash talk us to other people. We lived with them for several month so they’re claiming an established bond. But that bond was build on control and manipulation.

I also have a new partner who is my rock. Both him and I support my ex. Me and ex have a good relationship now and our daughter is our priority.

Ex in laws have also twice taken pictures in public of my new partner. Once surreptitiously (then circulated it among their friends) and then while my partner was working (outside). We filed a police report for stalking.

Please, if anyone has any experience with this, I’d appreciate any insight. We have some savings we were hoping to pay for a down payment on a house with. I’m so afraid that this is all going to go down the drain because I was so naive with these people.

Will x-post to raised by narcissists

indeed

I think there is an option for your ex to report abuse he received as a child, the word abuse though is used a lot here on Mumsnet, and only he knows if it meets that threshold as opposed to a dysfunctional childhood (this isn't good but it's different legally to abuse). The authorities would question him as to why he knowingly lived with his child at his parents' house if he knew they were abusive to him so consider carefully what the consequences are.

Grandparents rarely get rights unless it can be argued they had a prominent role in their grandchild's upbringing. The legal action sounds like grandparents desperate to see their grandchild, I would consider if there is a compromise somewhere, all take a breather and consider the truth which i strongly suggest is complicated and got a bit lost.

I would also keep your new dp well out of this mess as it will just complicate things further, he has no part in this.

You need to concentrate on being a great parent then social services won't be interested, they can see through false allegations

Sorry if I’m misunderstood but they surely can’t get parental responsibility when she has two parents?

Neither of you seems to have read the post. The ex in laws made allegations on their court form, like that she’s dirty and I’m not raising her ‘with love’. So cafcass are automatically triggered. Regardless, I don’t care if cafcass moves in with us for a year. My child is well cared for and always has been. If you have nothing of substance to contribute to the discussion, please refrain from spamming.

Cafcass are involved because the grandparents have made an application to court. If there are concerns for welfare there will be a referral to social care. Cafcass will complete a report for the judge which will take into account your views your child's views if old enough, police and social care information and school or nursery information. There will be a recommendation made by cafcass and it will go to a judge for a decision whether an order is made to enforce contact. Just be honest and focus on what's best for your child.

We went to mediation with them and requested family therapy for them and my ex as a condition for seeing her which they refused . They never tried to apologise or seek reconciliation. They went straight to harassment

However they will be involved if Ex PiL have made allegations of abuse to CAFCASS.
OP, I would try not to stress (easier said than done), it is highly unlikely that they will get any custody or visiting rights. You are both (as parents) within your rights to refuse them access to your child.
Stick to your guns. I think it is great that you and your partner are both supporting your ex.
Keep going!

DP wasn’t involved until they started stalking him. He’s shaken.

I was a doormat thinking I could trust them. My own parents live far away and we aren’t close. Ex PiLs don’t have any sense of boundaries and have often intimidated, insulted and emotionally controlled both their kids. It took me leaving my ex for both ex and I to understand that most of the toxicity is coming from them.

I agree. An alcoholic doesn't stop being an alcoholic around a child and OP seems very naive.

Also social services don't get involved because a child was dirty once.

Is your child on a child in need plan or child protection plan?

Well he needs to report that to the police, for starters.

Lots of people with reading comprehension problems on this thread 🙃

That’s been reported and they will be getting cautioned at a minimum, if another incident takes place they will be arrested.

No, she’s a happy kid with two loving parents

Social services get involved whenever an allegation, false or true, is made. Anyone can make an allegation when applying to court. It’s the courts and social services job to assess the veracity of these allegations.

Yes, it’s making me a bit sad

The case is still open isn’t it?

how long ago was the court appearance which triggered their visit?

Sorry, you either haven’t read the post or are unable to comprehend the information in it. The case has just started because two narcissists filed a piece of paper perjuring themselves with false allegations. There wasnt any ‘court appearance’ and social services have never visited us and probably never will.

tas the grandparents made allegations on their court form

how long ago?

I don’t think so but we want to make sure they don’t have any visitation rights to her in light of their actions. That’s why I’m taking this case seriously.

Oh please the grandmother is an alcoholic!!! Why do you think her son ended up going down the same path, and being depressed? Because if anyone who has grown up with an alcoholic parent knows, is how nasty and manipulative they can be when drinking. She spat at her own son. Lovely behaviour for a young child to be around. Not saying the ex partner sounds perfect but sounds like he’s had it tough, im
sure OP wouldn’t let her child see him if he’s a risk to her.

Sorry people are being so awful on your thread OP. It seems those commenting thinking they know it all don't even know the difference between CAFCASS and local authority children's social care. Ignore them.

CAFCASS will become involve during court applications/ ongoing proceedings.

LA social workers will becoming involved for safeguarding.

It's completely normal that CAFCASS are involved given the application made and the allegations in it. My advice would be to remain calm and work with CAFCASS. If there are concerns however about your ex's alcohol use then obviously you need to take these seriously and safeguard appropriately.

Thank you being the voice of reason. He’s great with her and she loves him to bits. Now that ex in laws are not involved they’re both happier and more confident. He is in both private and NHS provided therapy, in full time employment, has been through rehab twice and has been desperately trying to achieve a normal level of mental health his entire life but he’s broken. His mom on the other hand is untreated.

"Because if anyone who has grown up with an alcoholic parent knows, is how nasty and manipulative they can be when drinking." Well, quite. Yet OP thinks her daughter is absolutely fine being raised by one.