Crazy ex in laws suing for child visitation and parental rights (England)

[Cliffordthedog]

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate insight or support of any kind on this, any legal insight would be extremely appreciated.

My ex partners (separated for over a year but not formally divorced yet) parents are taking us to court trying to get visitation and parental right over our daughter, age 3, after we stopped contact with them following an incident where they kicked my ex out of their flat while my daughter was also with them. He tried to get back in to her but they wouldn’t let him.

They’ve made false allegations about us on the form C100, incl. child abuse and neglect (these are completely false and we have plenty of evidence, this child is the light of our lives). My ex has had lifelong struggles with severe depression and alcohol. Never in front of our child. They’re using that to say he’s unfit to be a parent.

There’s a lot of toxicity and abuse in the family. My ex grew up with an enormous amount of trauma from them. His mom is an alcoholic who’s lied about going to rehab (can’t prove that one because ex partners sister won’t provide evidence, she’s their flying monkey). They’ve spat at my ex in front of our daughter. Started fights. Called the police on him for slamming a door (they lied about this on the C100, saying they asked the police to drop any charges while in actuality police saw it as a nuisance call — we have proof).

The sad part is we were naive and intimidated by them for a while after her birth so they were very involved. They have a mean narc streak and going against them was really tough, always. My daughter is their golden child and they’ve always tried to get more and more contact with her. They’d do nice things for us and demand more contact with her in return, then trash talk us to other people. We lived with them for several month so they’re claiming an established bond. But that bond was build on control and manipulation.

I also have a new partner who is my rock. Both him and I support my ex. Me and ex have a good relationship now and our daughter is our priority.

Ex in laws have also twice taken pictures in public of my new partner. Once surreptitiously (then circulated it among their friends) and then while my partner was working (outside). We filed a police report for stalking.

Please, if anyone has any experience with this, I’d appreciate any insight. We have some savings we were hoping to pay for a down payment on a house with. I’m so afraid that this is all going to go down the drain because I was so naive with these people.

Will x-post to raised by narcissists

I hope you kept those messages. I think that the fact that you are supporting your ex and both of you want NC with his parents, he just needs to document, document, document everything he has experienced.

I would also get legal advice/guidance.

I’d be careful with all this. You’ve been separated a year, not even divorced yet, and about to move a new man in with your pre school child? Social services may not view this as good risk assessment on your part. Building your life and your child’s life around a presumably very new partners job and community standing isn’t a good idea.

People responding to the OP do not seem to understand there is a difference between CAFCASS and social services. The former are involved because of the information that GP have written on their court submitted form. Social services aren't involved. Social services would be involved if an allegation has been made to them. Brace yourself OP because that may be the next step in their playbook. It must be a very worrying time OP but take heart that you and your ex partner who sounds vulnerable tbh are doing your very best for your lovely daughter. Just be honest and truthful with CAFCASS, work with them. However you should also find a good solicitor that specialises in family law and get some advice. Strengthen your hand.

The fact you refer to him as a parental figure after such a short time is a worry too. Do you struggle to parent alone or live without a partner?

The OP wrote a thread about their overbearing behaviour 18 months ago. You can search by her user name. She isn't just making this up. They came round every single day and insisted on bathing OP's daughter. When her mother visited from abroad for a few days and OP asked her PILs to not come round while her mother was there, to enable her to get to know her grand-daughter, they made a big scene.

How old is your DD now? If you don't mind, what "kind" of bad place were you in? Are you sure your ex has never been drunk around your DD? Why did he get kicked out of his parent's house and not allowed back in?

What’s being beautiful got to do with SS involvement?
🤣

I would be collating every single piece of evidence and ask for a restraining order. Immediately.

Your ex needs to contact the police and report everything that has happened to him. You really have to take this seriously op. In terms of the lengths they are willing to go. Not their chances in court so much.

Your best hope is to move away - a long way away and ask ex to visit her at your home. Your dp can commute or move his job.

You being harassed out of town is really the last thing you should be worried about her given the lengths they are going to op.

They are threatening and trying to scare you with court action that they have no hope of winning, especially when the evidence is produced of their sustained abuse.

Get the best legal advice you can afford.

Move away even a short distance, and never share your new details.

Be aware there seems to be one or two bad characters on here strangely.

The gps have no right to do this op.

Cafcass have to follow up when someone makes an allegation, the fact it’s just a phone call is a good sign. Even if they were heavily involved for the first two years of her life the fact you have seen what they are like, have concerns and have stopped contact to protect your daughter will show the judge you are doing what’s right for your child. You will get to make a statement on the back of the c100 application they have made, lay it out clearly with facts, 1) this is what it was like 2) the reason you have stopped contact 3) your concerns going forward if contact was allowed. Any allegations they have made against you as in dirty clothes at pre school explain end of day all kids get dirty etc. try to keep the statement as factual as possible without being petty/name calling. Maybe even propose if the judge does see fit that they get visits which you strongly advise against you propose them to be at a contact centre whilst the grandparent seek the therapy and rehab they need. I can’t see a judge going against you on what you have told us, and if he does go for contact which is unlikely he will see your requests for therapy/counselling as reasonable. From what you’ve said they won’t stick to them and then contact will fall through anyway.

All of this is about your DP not your daughter. You should not be putting him ahead of her. It's very clear that she'd be better off with some distance between her and these toxic people. And in no way whatsoever should she be about to move in with an unrelated man, no matter how 'wonderful' you think he is. You're showing really poor decision making and it won't look good if this does go to court. You need to prove you're putting her first, and although I'm really sorry for what you've been through, you actually aren't at the moment.

Going to go slightly against the grain, regardless of the kind of people they are,as they’ve had daily access with your dd, I think it’s extremely likely they’ll be awarded visitation.

In terms of moving a new man in within five minutes and referring to him as a parental figure, this shows a huge lack in judgement on your part.

if you genuinely want to get away from these people you’ll move. If the relationship with dp is meant to be then you will be together in time.

get a restraining order - that should help surely?

to protect you, partner and daughter (make sure shes included on it)

I agree with @AnxietySloth. You need to be putting your child first, not your DP or your comfort.

You need to move, and stop prioritising your dp. You made mistakes with your judgement before, and again you are underestimating the situation.

Move as far away as you possibly can as is your right to do so.

Ask on legal dnd maybe visit the CAB.
in the U.K. grandparents don’t have any right of access / visitation or custody. In very rare cases, where they have been primary carers, they can succeed in gaining a court order in their favour, but such cases are not typical.
So, broadly speaking, they don’t have a leg to stand on. However, the problem is that if they are willing to pay, they can make your lives difficult and potentially cause you to incur a legal bill of your own. That’s why I’d visit the CAB now and ask if they have any pro bono lawyers able to advise you or, if necessary, write a legal letter back to their lawyer (if they actually instruct one) making it clear that they have no valid claim and that you will defend your parental rights against their harassment.

CAFCASS are involved whenever someone applies to family court to obtain custody or access to a child. They act as an advocate for the child within the court process and investigate any concerns raised, major or not. It is not a reflection on the OP’s parenting.

They're CFs. I would literally move to Spain to prevent my child from being exposed to my partners parents if they're as unbalanced as you say

Yes I have dozens of messages like that screenshoted and catalogued. I really hope this counts for something.

Save / record / screenshot and keep all the threats and the false things they say. Record the audio on your phone if they're threatening to tell lies about child abuse etc and you can do it without them noticing. Keep everything.

Thank you, that’s a valid point. It’s not so much DPs preferences but rather my daughters connection to where we live. If DP has to move he will although it would be very hard for him, I know he will just do it because that’s what’s needed. This town is all she’s ever known thought and it fills me with rage that I have to upend her life here because of two bloodthirsty narcs.

None of this has been about my comfort. I worked damn hard to build a good relationship with my ex despite all our differences and the challenges we had while married because it’s a priority for me for her to have a stable, loving and predictable relationship with her father. We and the ex in laws all live in a tiny town together, that my DP happens to be from and that means we’ve got the entire town community behind us as his family are well loved and known in these parts as they’re all good people. It’s unfair that I have to take my daughter out of an environment where she, were it not for the ex in laws, would otherwise be safe and happy.

Honestly you are much better woman than me because I would move to Greece or Spain just to fuck with them

OP please he careful what you post here.

This will easily show in a Google search on this situation, and possibly very identifying with information on here.

@BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan

She will never move to protect her daughter, too invested in the new man. Story old as time on here...

OP just be careful with rushing a new relationship when you're involved in a very complex situation already.