Crazy ex in laws suing for child visitation and parental rights (England)

[Cliffordthedog]

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate insight or support of any kind on this, any legal insight would be extremely appreciated.

My ex partners (separated for over a year but not formally divorced yet) parents are taking us to court trying to get visitation and parental right over our daughter, age 3, after we stopped contact with them following an incident where they kicked my ex out of their flat while my daughter was also with them. He tried to get back in to her but they wouldn’t let him.

They’ve made false allegations about us on the form C100, incl. child abuse and neglect (these are completely false and we have plenty of evidence, this child is the light of our lives). My ex has had lifelong struggles with severe depression and alcohol. Never in front of our child. They’re using that to say he’s unfit to be a parent.

There’s a lot of toxicity and abuse in the family. My ex grew up with an enormous amount of trauma from them. His mom is an alcoholic who’s lied about going to rehab (can’t prove that one because ex partners sister won’t provide evidence, she’s their flying monkey). They’ve spat at my ex in front of our daughter. Started fights. Called the police on him for slamming a door (they lied about this on the C100, saying they asked the police to drop any charges while in actuality police saw it as a nuisance call — we have proof).

The sad part is we were naive and intimidated by them for a while after her birth so they were very involved. They have a mean narc streak and going against them was really tough, always. My daughter is their golden child and they’ve always tried to get more and more contact with her. They’d do nice things for us and demand more contact with her in return, then trash talk us to other people. We lived with them for several month so they’re claiming an established bond. But that bond was build on control and manipulation.

I also have a new partner who is my rock. Both him and I support my ex. Me and ex have a good relationship now and our daughter is our priority.

Ex in laws have also twice taken pictures in public of my new partner. Once surreptitiously (then circulated it among their friends) and then while my partner was working (outside). We filed a police report for stalking.

Please, if anyone has any experience with this, I’d appreciate any insight. We have some savings we were hoping to pay for a down payment on a house with. I’m so afraid that this is all going to go down the drain because I was so naive with these people.

Will x-post to raised by narcissists

As others have said, they don't have any rights as grandparents, your daughter is obviously safe and loved by you, and they are way overstepping, and sound very obsessive about your daughter.

Can you move so they don't know where you live, so there's no chance of them turning up at your door?

You sound like you're doing a great job of co-parenting with your ex.

Stop panicking OP.

Keep calm and factual when talking to caffcas or whoever is trying to get involved.

Just state the abusive behaviour your daughter has witnessed by the GPs.

Don't go in "all guns blazing" listen,think and respond in your calm demeanour.

This they have no case and it will go no where.

Op, if your child is safe, happy and well cared for, ss will retreat, and your ex-ILs will get nowhere. They have no rights and will not be awarded custody.

Document everything, save all messages. Then have as little contact with them as possible. Do not let them worm their way back in.

If you can afford it, a consultation with a family law specialist might help reassure you.

OP hasn’t said social services are involved. Cafcass are independent of social services and will be involved purely because the grandparents have made an application to the court.

How long has it been since they last saw the child?

Just don't allow contact. Don't communicate, if you're thinking of buying a house anyway, move out of the area if possible

Just on the point of posting the same thing. Horrible attitude.

They actually do, he’s a civil servant and they’ve got savings. I’m not that worried about custody but rather visitation and access to her after they’ve been abusive to her dad and threatened me and stalked by DP

Since early June when they started a violent incident involving her dad and kicked him out of her flat barring his access to her. They never apologised, refused to go family therapy and went straight to court

Unfortunately we can’t move due to DP’s job, she’s also at a wonderful nursery and we’re about to move into a wonderful house together. This is my DPs home town, he’s well known and loved here, everyone knows his family etc. It would be such a shame to be harassed out of here

Thank you, that’s really good advice. Obviously we are all hurt and enraged but I too think that the more calm and fact based we are the better. Their allegations are baseless and if it comes to evidence they don’t actually have anything

It feels like they do because they were involved heavily in her life between ages 0 — 2,5

I would not move in with your DP so soon. You've been separated just over a year and your DD needs stability.

I wouldn't even have her around him yet.

It's too much change between the grandparents no longer being in her life and her dad being in rehab.

You dd has been through too much already with the things she's seen.

It also won't look good in court.

Social services have a duty to log and investigate all accusations of abuse however spurious.Log every letter and contact and record spoken conversations and phone calls to back up your claim of harassment.They sound like a nightmare.When the Shit hits the fan ie court make sure you are armed with relevant evidence and call logs etc .Visit your local law centre and get advice.There are people that can help you negotiate the involvment of social services .Fight this all the way.Best of luck.x

Sorry not buying your post. Cafcass do not get involved like this unless there are major evidenceable concerns.

He’s someone I’ve known for a while and has been an absolute rock to me and my daughter. He’s got a crystal clear reputation, he works with kids and has enhanced DBSs and character references up the wazoo. After 7 years in an emotionally challenging relationship, I got incredibly fortunate to meet an amazing person and I went for it. He’s supportive of my ex and an extremely supportive parental figure in my daughters life.

I think you’re sadly misinformed, cafcass get automatically involved wherever any kind of allegation of child mistreatment is made. A simple Google search.

Her dad isn’t in rehab, he’s regularly in her life and she’s blossomed since the ex in laws left our lives. She’s become an outgoing,
confident child and is the youngest in her preschool class based on development.

So many nasty replies.

They sound horrible, poor you!

Keep a track of everything they are doing in terms of harassment and stalking.

Can you afford a legal advice? There is no way they will be getting any parental rights, but I would get a legal advice, so you can stop worrying.

Have you read the thread, cus they sound like manipulative arseholes!

He sounds wonderful, I have an amazing partner as well who is a crisis worker.

I was with my ex for 22 years. I get it.

We've been together now 2 years, but there's no way I'm moving him in. Ds and I have our own relationship and space and I'm very protective of that.

You can be with this amazing man and not live with him so soon, or do you already live together?

That sounds a very difficult situation.

I think it helps a lot that you and your ex are a united front on this matter.

I thought the earlier advice to request alcohol testing for the grandmother is a good suggestion. The fact she has never done rehab would be concerning in terms of her ability to parent your daughter!

Moving in with this 'wonderful' partner is ridiculous. Won't do your daughter or your court case with the grandparents any good. Put the breaks on, your poor daughter.

@Cliffordthedog

I know GPs don't have 'automatic rights' to a grandchild in the UK, but they are allowed to file suit to gain permission to sue for access.

Honestly, you need to get legal advice. I don't know exactly what constitutes being a 'regular and involved' part of a child's life, but a solicitor would. Only they would know if coming over every night to bathe a child would meet that criteria. A solicitor would also be best placed to advise you as to whether or not this is the right time to move in with your partner in light of a possible lawsuit. Personally, I don't think a year is long enough whether you've known him for a long time or not. Living with someone is a different dynamic than friendship or even dating.

You and your Ex need to focus on the access situation. I'm glad that you can work together on this. Your DP needs to pursue the stalking allegation separately.

Please don't worry about this. It won't get anywhere. CAFCASS are only being involved as there's been an allegation of welfare concerns, I'm guessing they have said that CAFCASS will talk to all parties. This is very standard.

Have the PIL reported to SS and have SS ever been involved? Feel free to PM if you don't want to share publicly