Help please, ExH has taken all my belongings

[diamondsonthesolesofmysoul]

He changed the locks and refused me access, proceeded to get rid of all my belongings. Lawyer has said there is nothing he can do to help and police say I can't prove I owned it.
Is that really it? Desperately hoping someone here may be able to offer some advice.

What an arse he is.

However, he’s doing it for the reaction. Doing it to hurt you. Try not to look.

purplepie1
He's not even paying maintenance, he's hiding his income and paying bare minimum (£30).
TheFormidableMrsC
I have reported it to the police. I have also provided quite a number of receipts. They are being beyond unhelpful and say it's a civil matter because the divorce has gone through Court. They are insisting they can't get involved. I've shown them the lawyers letters stating the items which he said were returned (and are now up for sale) and they said 'lying is not a crime'???

As you keep saying, you can't prove anything, especially so long after the event. It's your word against his and those cases very rarely benefit anyone except the lawyers - if even your lawyer is saying don't bother, take heed.

The police aren't being unhelpful - they're correct that it's a civil matter and it isn't their job to marshall disputes over who paid for kids toys/furniture/whatever.

At best, you might be able to take him to small claims court. But you say that he is currently not able to afford child support, so even if you win, if he can't pay, he can't pay.

Thanks for taking the time to message, but with respect, the police have been unhelpful.

They said they would visit his house and report back to me. They did not visit him, they did not contact me again and they did not log any details.
I know someone who has worked within the police for decades and they have said this is a theft and it is criminal; which is why I came onto this forum to hopefully get a few more perspectives on that aspect.

He has sent solicitors letters, multiple, stating these specific items have been returned to me. Now he is selling them.

He can afford child maintenance, he has a very wealthy lifestyle. But as he is self employed he has so far hidden that income.

Some of the items in question are expensive, the items he has are in the tens of thousands. I appreciate they are worth a lot less in a second hand market and it's galling to see him sell luxury items for a few hundred pounds - he's just happy to get anything he can for them.

You should put in a complaint about the police response, or lack of. You should also contact domestic abuse charities for help and advice as he is still abusing you by stealing your belongings and lying about it so even though you have physically left him, he is able to continue his abuse due to lack of action by statutory services.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. Have you told CMS that he is wealthy but hiding his income?

There is no point complaining about the police response. This is a civil matter, not a criminal one.

Were you represented by a solicitor in the divorce proceedings, OP?

What an absolute shit. I feel for you. Your solicitor and police sound rather passive, so I think you will need to get better advice.

A domestic abuse charity will be able to offer this kind of support. They will have come across this kind of thing before. Citizens Advice in your area may also be able to help.

You've signed the house over to him So you've no right of access. You need to forget about the stuff after two years and move on.

I feel for you but I agree with the person who said just drop the rope.

I left my marital home (25 year relationship) with a car-load of stuff as I thought I had the whole weekend to move. My ex then said he was coming back and if I came back to the house he would phone the police. At the time I was in a fragile state and very much scared of him so didn't return. I had £1000s worth of belongings that I had inherited as well as family photos, children's toys that I would have liked to keep for sentimental reasons etc (kids were teens at this stage). I ended up just letting it go as it became clear that he would hold it over me and use it to keep the control.

This was 7 years ago and I'm glad I didn't pursue it. It allowed me to be free from him much sooner and I was able to recover from the damage he caused. Yes, I am a little sad that I don't have all our family photos but I have some on my phone and the kids have recovered some as well. As for beloved toys etc, it's just stuff and doesn't matter anywhere near as much as your peace of mind.

Focus on the bigger picture - your freedom from him, your children's welfare and happiness and your much happier future!

I know this might sound contrary, but your ex will spend the value of those possessions, and more, on making sure you don’t have them. They are gone. The value of them is not ever going to be available to you. He will enjoy (possibly sexually) any distress he senses you are experiencing about it.

I know (having being there) that it is distressing, but my advice is to let it go. Unfortunately you (both of us) got into a relationship with what is generally called “an absolute fucking prick”, and this is part of the price of extracting ourselves from the havoc.

How much, and for how long would you pay solicitors to get those items back, especially if you then fail to get them.
Really really think about just dropping the rope, and not engaging with his crazy making.

You wouldn't think I'd had a solicitor MissScarletInTheBallroom. I should have saved myself the fees.

As PaulKnickerless has said, they were indeed passive. I was busy building up our home from nothing and foolishly (in hindsight) left it to the 'professionals'. It never crossed my mind I could end up with nothing.

I was genuinely so sad to read your story Madickenxx, it is a horrendous thing to happen.

It's not just having lost my things, it's that he's selling them and pocketing that cash. Things I worked so hard to buy and treasured. Of course, he's picking off the items that I specifically listed that I wanted back.

Well to update on what happened with the police, I waited for several days then went into the station. I was told they'd call me. Which they did at midnight that night. Ok they're on shift but I did think that was a little unusual.

They said they'd gone to his house, he locked himself in and refused to answer the door. Spineless doesn't cover it. There was nothing more they could do and so they left. Then they were 'busy' which was their explanation for no update.

I feel so let down by everyone. I wanted to see him in court, to be told by someone that he was in the wrong. I can't see how this isn't criminal.

Outwardly I have been strong, have built up a lovely home, successful at work, even had a promotion, I don't know how. Kids are thriving and carefree, I'm so thankful for that. But it's actually getting harder. I feel like I've tried to be resilient for so long now, put in so many many hours each day at work and our home. And now I have nothing in my tank. I just want to curl up. I've fought and fought and now all the fight has gone.

I know that's self indulgent. I know many people would love to swap my problems but it's just how I feel. I feel so defeated.

Thank you also LHR2JFK - I do agree with what you say. It's the 'prick tax' I pay to have gotten away.

But the injustice burns. I contributed equally financially (if not more) all those years together. And he's left us with nothing to show from all that whilst he has the big car, the big house, the new relationship. I'm not jealous of any of those things - I'm not. I appreciate and value the life I have. But he has so systematically taken everything and I'm struggling to find a way past it. Maybe I just need more time to pass. Sorry for typing all this out and still banging on about the same old story. I just don't know what else to do. I know I need to lift myself up and keep going.

Thanks to everyone who commented, I appreciate your time.