Child rights with absent dad?

[whatcolourarepolarbears]

My ex walked out 9 years ago and last made an effort to see our daughter (13, ASD/ADHD) in 2016 - that was for 45 minutes. The last regular contact he had was the year before for a few days every other month. It was his choice - I've never withheld contact, but didn't reach out to him either. He's a grown man who was sadly distracted with other women, our daughter was low on his priority list. I stayed in that house for another 4 years, never changed my number/email/socials so he can still contact if he chooses. I believe he's changed his number, and I'm blocked on all his social media.

In 2017 I met my new partner - we took things slowly, and moved in together 2 years ago. He's amazing with her, she adores him and life is pretty good. Her autism means she fixates on things, and the latest is us dying - she's worried about what will happen to her.(I believe it's triggered in part from watching Annie and seeing the orphanages..)She stopped mentioning her dad months before his last visit, and hasn't ever spoke about him or asked. She introduces my partner as 'step-dad' without us bringing it up - she's come to that decision alone.

So - I want to put some legal protection in place - including granting parental responsibility to my partner, and appointing my dad as a 'guardian' in case anything happens to either of us. And immediately hit some snags! It seems I can't allocate parental responsibility unless we're married or in a civil partnership - and all the forms etc mention mediation is mandatory before you can apply for a Child Arrangement Order - but I don't know where he lives or how to contact him! I also don't really want to 'lift that rock' of contacting him in case he demands access - I don't think she would cope well at all after all this time. I'm waiting to hear back from some solicitors, but wondered if anyone else has dealt with anything similar?

how long were you with him before he walked out?

but you think he’d be after the CB money if you died (although i think unlikely given paltry amount and fact he has paid CMS consistently throughout the years)

So i’m confused why you also think he’s grant permission for this?

op

do you accept that your daughter is of an age where in the event of your sudden demise

1. she would be able to articulate forcefully her preference and the courts would put a LOT of weight against this
2. no one can physically force a 14/15 year old to live anywhere. And at 16, wouldn’t be a court issue anyway

9 years.

Yes the CB money but also DLA, plus he wouldn’t have to pay CM any more to me.

Yes but she has autism and ADHD so i’m concerned about how much this would impact things.

it wouldn’t

in fact, presuming your ex has no experience of caring for a ND child and your father is very involved…. combine that with a teenage girl articulating that she wants to live with her grandfather and not a man she’s not seen for years…. the court would almost certainly see your father as more suitable

added to which, as a teenage girl no one can force her to live anywhere

Would he actually want her? No court can force him to parent, they couldn't send her unless he wanted her.

If you did get his PR removed it might be the same as with adoption by a step parent that the parent who no longer has PR doesn't need to pay maintenance anymore. Sorry just seen you know this bit.

Why do you think this will impact things? Does she also have a low IQ or global developmental delays or severe learning difficulties? Being ND doesn't affect capacity to make decisions or reduce competency to make decisions in and of itself. My ND DD would be considered no less competent in court than an NT child her age, her Autism doesn't make her less competent.

Personally at her age I'd rely on the court listening to her, but if I did want to sort it all out legally then if I had the money I'd start by finding a good private investigator and see if they can track him down. There will he some sort of legal process for parents that completely disappear,
but given he's paying CM that's not the case here. Finding him and selling it as no more CM is probably the best option.