Left my toddler in the car yesterday. Will I be in trouble?

[LivelyLion]

Yesterday, my 21 month old had just fallen asleep in the car as I was on my way home. I needed to call into the supermarket to get her some food, so parked in the closest possible parking space and ran in as quickly as I could and was gone for a couple of minutes tops.

When I returned, what seemed to be an employee was taking pictures of the car and rightfully gave me a telling off for leaving her in the car unattended. Now I can’t stop feeling guilty and can’t stop thinking about the consequences. Is this a social service matter or even a police matter if he passes those photos on? My child had woke by the time I got back which makes me feel worse and I feel like it makes the situation seem worse. What are the possible repercussions?

Your survivorship bias is showing, here.
I bet plenty of bad things did happen to children back then, you just don’t know about them, probably because people generally didn’t talk about it openly if a tragedy occurred (look at the amount of women who lost babies and got told not to be silly and forget it happened if they got upset, even just a few decades ago).

Drunk driving without a seatbelt was also legal at one point. I have known a few people who have actually bemoaned that you can’t do it any more.
The mind boggles!

Yeah, this was a bad call OP.

I'm pretty casual about a lot of stuff that MN'ers get tied up about, but this isn't it I'm afraid.

You say it was a "couple of minutes", but how long was it really? If I think about my supermarket, I wouldn't get much change from 10 to get from the car and back again. If I just wanted one thing and power-walked, I could probably do it in 5, but that's assuming no queue to pay, and there often is.

To give a member of staff time to notice your child, time to scan around for you a bit - maybe thinking you were just putting a trolley back, and getting to the point of taking photos. I'd think you were probably gone more than a couple of minutes. And remember, this is mid-summer. Cars get very hot very quickly.

As I said, I'm pretty casual, but I'd never, ever leave my child unattended in a car I didn't have eyes on the whole time.

Would leave all your cash and savings or your most valuable objects on the back seat of your car whilst you went shopping? Answer is no so why do you think it ok to leave your child who is more precious than anything? Answer is … you fill in the blank. I say selfish. It’s easy to just take your child with you into the shop or pay for a babysitter whilst you do your shopping.

@LivelyLion I can't believe you even have to ASK if this is OK. Of course it's not. FFS! You should never even leave a baby alone, unattended for a SECOND, let alone a few minutes whilst you 'pop into the shop.' What if someone had stolen your car? I genuinely hope the person who took the photo does send it to the police or social services, and that they do visit you.

Also I don't give a shiny SHITE if people used to do this sort of thing 'back in the day,' and leave the baby in the front garden while they fucked off inside for a shower etc! It's not OK now, and it wasn't OK then. Lessons have been learned from the past, and this is why we behave better now!

Not justifying what OP did, but it's funny how we could also write a totally different scenario- OP run to the market as the staff member was right there at the spot, walking after putting the trolleys back, and as she grabbed 3 items and ran back, she/he was already taking photos. It was raining and not that hot at all (it certainly wasnt where I live, not all of the Uk has the same temperature).

Obviously your scenario works for what you imagined, but it does not mean this actually happened like that and OP could have actually done the dash in 2-3 minutes if she parked right next to the entrance, grabbed a few items from next to the till and ran back. You say there often is a queue, but also there often isnt.

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That being said OP, you did a stupid thing, SS may get involved, it is possible it will only be a phonecall with a lecture and that will be the end of it.
It's also possible they will be so overburdened the call will take months to happen or never.

People always say it was less time than it really was when they’ve taken their eye off the ball.

OP is not ASKING if this is OK- do people really struggle to read to this extent?

She is asking what are the likely consequences of what happened.

You might get a call, you might not.

it sounds like this has been a wake up call. Never do it again!

I find these replies so surprising!

When my older DC started primary my younger DC was a toddler. The school had a car park across the road from the school ( you couldn't see the cars from the playground where you waited for the kids).
Every day my toddler fell asleep in the car and I'd have to wake them up to take them across with me. I was the only parent to do this and it caused so much smirking, laughing and sarcastic comments. For two years I had practically daily piss taking because i wasnt leaving a toddler alone in the car.
This is less than ten years ago, btw, in the North West. ....

Yeah and horrible things happened. Such a survival mentality but just because you made it through doesn't counteract the fact its stupid and dangerous.

To add in that in the past people walked to the local shops with a pram. The shops were small - a counter, a product display and that was it. Each shop had a specific product such as the bread shop, the butchers, the grocer, fruit/veg, the laundrette, the newsagent, the haberdashers, the iron monger, fishmonger etc. people went into many small shops for one or two items sold at a counter. Prams were too big to all fit inside. You could see your pram through the window as you got served. Now it’s supermarkets with car parks and the situation is completely different.

I wonder if OP has got the message yet?

Of course, famously cars never crash / go on fire and there are no rapists or murders in rural backwaters

I doubt it, I did this dozens of times when DDs were little. Much less risk of anything happening than dragging them across a supermarket carpark.

I really don’t get why so many people are so frightened of waking their children if they’re asleep, like everything revolves around the children’s sleep. Not waking a toddler to go into a shop was madness. Granted it’s easier to shop without them in tow but this was crazy judgement on the part of the OP.

I have left my DDs in the car when I've had to nip quickly somewhere, but maybe not when they were asleep. I'm sure everyone giving OP a hard time was once left in a car asleep, or even outside a shop in a pram.
I think you've given yourself a fright and won't do it again, OP, but I honestly think some of the reactions for a few minutes are a bit OTT.

How likely is it that someone would steal a child v a purse left on a seat?

The comparison is utterly moronic.

I'm so glad I was not on Mumsnet when DDs were little, people are absolutely crazy.

I'm often tempted to do this OP, waking my grandchildren up from sleeping is a nightmare, so I understand why you did it.

OK It was a bit daft but your child was fine. Best not do it again. And if you do don't post it on mn, unless you want to be known as the second Rose west 😉

Typical mumsnet over reaction to a lapse of judgement OP. Yes, it probably wasn't the best decision. Its done. Please don't beat yourself up about it. I'd imagine social services are extremely busy with actual ongoing problems that, frankly, I'd hope they're spending their resources on instead of you. Your child wasn't in any immediate danger in the 2 minutes you were in the shop. Yes, they were maybe a little warm, Yes they woke up and you weren't there. But they were safe. Honestly, mumsnet, in whose world is a stranger going to smash the glass and abduct your child in the middle of the day in tesco carpark ???? Honestly. Get a grip people, stop shaming this poor woman .
OP, it's done. Please don't worry and please don't listen to most of these hysterical responses from hand wringing self righteous mumsnetters.

Problem is nowadays there are too many busybodies with smartphones interfering in other peoples business. My local Facebook is rammed with posts about some bloke walking down the road at 2am etc..they must be up to no good. Once there was a reply from a bloke walking at 2am, he responded he was walking home from a late shift and suggested these nosey fuckers get a job as well 🤣🤣

My Dad once left my son in his car forgetting he was there. He was only 18 months old and wasn’t even asleep! He went that crazy about being left alone, that he ended up setting the car alarm off by moving so much 🤣 This alerted my Dad and he ran back to the car to find my son in tears. It was a genuine mistake for 2 minutes but I still went mad when I heard.

I will admit I have left ds in the car outside the house for a ten minute nap, and I checked on him very regularly and never ever in warm or cold weather. I wouldn’t do it outside a shop because of the risk of an accident- I think the risk of abduction is very very very very low but the risk of someone crashing into your car is relatively high I suspect and anyway it’s not worth the risk. I doubt anything will happen op but never ever do it again. x

You were gone long enough for someone to notice your child, alert an employee and take pictures. You weren't just 'in and out' let's be honest.... And even if you were that's unacceptable. I don't think it's at all acceptable to leave a baby for any length of time in a car on their own where you aren't constantly watching them.

The biggest risk isn't really them being abducted or the car setting on fire although both are possible. It's you becoming seriously unwell or otherwise in the shop and nobody realising baby is there. Who knows in that scenario how long it might take somebody to realise that baby is there. That's really dangerous especially in such hot weather.

I think social services should/will be alerted OP but I think you just have to treat that as a learning point not a tragedy. As long as there aren't other more serious underlying issues I doubt your child will be removed as long as you work with them and reflect on why it was a poor choice but I wouldn't even try to defend the indefencible.

I had a call from social services after someone reported me leaving my 3 year old asleep in the car in March with the windows open to both the on my driveway car and my lounge with a video baby monitor where I was 1.5 meters away.
if you don’t get a call I’d be very surprised