Ex H trying to force me to sign this document?

[Dandelion925]

Hi all,

in need of some advice please/those happy to share experiences.

ExH and I have a 10 year old. We split up in 2021. There was a domestic incident & he was removed by police from my home. I didn’t press charges in the end so no legal matters in that respect. He was put into temp council accomodation. We have amicably made custody arrangements re our child up until November last year when he then demanded we sign a legal document stating our arrangements, so that he can secure larger accommodation to get extra space for our child when they stay over. I was happy to do this but he kept adding all sorts of stuff that was completely irrelevant to what he specifically needs (our info, DC info and arrangements). This document has gone back and forth between us since last year for this reason as I am not signing something I don’t agree with.

DC doesn’t enjoy going there, he always has his friends around so never spends any time with her really, has never taken her anywhere other than the local park when they walk the dogs. He doesn’t buy her anything not even clothes. I sent a bunch of clothes there that she was just about to grow out of about a year ago, she is still wearing them while there.

Anyway, he recently caught wind that we may be moving house soon out of the borough and he basically put on there that I need to get his permission to move and used our child as an excuse to try to gain such control. He was always like this and still trying to take control over my life. (I am now remarried & pregnant). I obviously didn’t accept this, he just kept rewording the bit about relocation and it has taken months for him to finally remove this from the document as he has realised he has no control over it.

he is being extremely pushy, gives me deadlines and is very rude about this, basically trying to force me to sign it. This has all given me anxiety attacks on numerous occasions.

on the top of the document , he has recently added “IN THE FAMILY COURT [name of court, address of court].

no solicitor has been involved in this process, from either his side or mine. Is he even allowed to write something like the above? His plan is to take the signed copy to the court and get them to make it legally binding.

thank you for taking the time to read. I would like to get legal advice about this but I feel time is no longer on my side (due to give birth soon) and he is getting increasingly arsy about not having it signed despite it actually being his fault it hasn’t been.

x

never spends time with “her”

who is “her”?

I would remind him that if he takes you to family court the incidents from the past will be brought up and he will be covering your legal costs. Also, by the time it is brought to the courts, your DS will be old enough to have an opinion of his own anyway.

oh sorry your daughter

you have remarried and had a baby since splitting less than 3 years ago?

Yes but that is besides the point 🙂

he recently caught wind that we may be moving house soon out of the borough

how did he get wind of it?

Just ignore it and communicate only about collecting and picking up. Don’t respond to communication about anything else.

If he wants to take it to court he can try, but he doesn’t sound like he can organise himself out of a paper bag, so I wouldn’t worry.

Is he contributing at all financially?

Your DD is old enough to be listened to if it ever did get to court.

* I was happy to do this but he kept adding all sorts of stuff that was completely irrelevant to what he specifically needs (our info, DC info and arrangements).*. like what?

how far are you moving?
how often does your daughter go there?
she doesn’t have a bedroom when there?

Realistically you should consult with him about every move you make for the child will it effect her school will it effect his contact time? These are all reasonable things to consider

I don’t think he wants to take me to court as such, just wants to get me to sign this document and then take it to the court himself to get it made legal

Also go to mediation

* He was put into temp council accomodation. *

how did he manage swing that? does he work?

so this document… he’s just written himself and asking you to sign it?

don't sign anything you aren't comfortable with and pay no notice to his demands. If anything, tell him that the answer is No and you will not discuss this any further; you will only engage with him on matters directly relating to your child.
If he does continue, starts logging everything and tell him you'll be reporting him to the police for harrassment & bullying. That should shut him up.

Ignore it

Take some actual legal advice

Don't engage with him re this 'document'

Keep any and all emails, texts, voicemails, etc

Very reassuring message, thank you, you are right he is very disorganised which is part of the reason I am cautious about signing something that he has written up himself.

good to know they would take dd’s opinions into perspective if anything did go to court etc. I thought that may be the case but wasn’t sure

Sign nothing.. Batshit you have accommodated this so far. How far are you moving? I moved just under an hour away without issue.. Though be prepared to do all the travelling.. Not easy with a new dc /toddler..

@carguide24

There are plenty of councils that still have plenty of accommodation choices and can secure emergency accommodation the same day, and a permanent tenant within a few weeks. My council is one of them, they also have vacant properties ready for immediate tenancies occasionally. It's just not a very desirable place to live ( although 99% of the Pele that live here are happy enough).

Op, don't sign anything.

but what is he actually asking you to sign? a document he has constructed himself on the back of a fag packet kind of thing?

Ignore it until you have time to take legal advice. Don't sign anything purporting to be a legal document without proper advice, and make sure it's properly signed by you both and legally witnessed, so it cannot be changed.

Has he explained what the purpose of this document is ? Why the need to have it signed now? How is it going to be made 'legal'?
Just carry on as you are.

I’ve been trying but he keeps bombarding me with text messages about it and then giving me deadlines. He just doesn’t stop and it’s a nightmare. I told him this is verging on harassment and he literally didn’t care. He did the same when he was removed from my home in 2021 and he was legally not allowed to contact me. It nearly got him arrested again at that time. He’s not very smart to put it politely.

This is exactly what I’m wondering, how he is going to make it legal. I have not heard of being able to make up your own document and then just go to the court to get it made legally binding.

basically the council won’t give him bigger accommodation until they have an official document stating how often dc stays with him

Seems like it. And he has put the name of the court at the top of the letter, it’s as if he is trying to make it look like it’s been drafted by a solicitor or something. It just doesn’t seem right.

You can't just "take docs to court and have them make it legal" that's not how court works.
It's absolutely OK for him to ask you to outline your agreed arrangements so he can get appropriate accommodation. You can't control how good a parent he is so even if you don't like how he parents it makes no difference for access (assuming there's no actual DC risk here). He also can't stop you from moving house assuming you are staying localish. If you are moving far away he can put a stop to that and take you to court which may then require you to do some stuff to facilitate the relationship.

If I were in your shoes, I'd remove all the shiz with the family court business, remove all the bits you are not happy with and then print and sign that. That way you've given him a document and it's up to him to then work out that he can't just rock up to a court with random bits of paperwork! Unless he's trying to forge a court doc here ...

I'd suggest he get his solicitor to draw it up properly and then you can sort the child maintenance at the same time.