Advice re Child Contact Please

[MightyDoctor]

Hi,

I've name changed for this one as long time poster.

I'm the grandmother to a 2 year old. She is my sons daughter.

Things have been tricky from the start, and what sometimes gets put as half a dozen of one, 6 of the other has now become completely untenable due the abuse being given BY my son.

I am forging a relationship with - I'll call her DIL for ease of explaining on my part!

Mine and my sons relationship was always rocky - he's abused me too both physically and mentally. He 27 DIL is 22, so quite the age gap with a 2 year old.

I don't know where to start. Son is blocked to me from today and I've advised DIL to block him and not answer private calls or her door.

There is too much to write at the moment.

Long term DIL would like son to see their daughter but fears courts in case he gets 50/50 contact. I've told her this will never happen, he lives in shared accommodation for single homeless young men (I can't have him back due to an incident that happened whilst his sister, then aged 7 was in the house, I don't want him back either)

I think moving forwards, and we're not looking immediately that some sort of order needs putting in place so that DIL is the resident parent, son will see daughter maybe at a contact centre (he keeps threatening to take her away). Again DIL is worried that he'll get some sort of custody, he frightens her like he has frightened me.

Mediation is out the question due to what's happened.

She would still like him to be part of their daughters life, as would I.
It won't happen until he sought and followed through on medical help. My GP is a wonder, has made space available him at short notice and he hasn't turned up.

He doesn't take medication prescribed.

Obviously it's going to be some time, but how do help DIL get those building blocks in place so that he is almost legally told what to do before he can see her.

I hope that makes sense! It's very stressful and upsetting.

Thank you for any information in advance. I think I'll go to bed now!

Please only posts with advice, I could slag my son off all day long, I don't need strangers kicking me when I'm down.

Thank you.

No need for apologies at all. It was your post that led me to the. gov site and I saw that it had changed and I had a good read.

Morning! Again, thanks to posters seeing me through early hours!

Erm... It's very difficult. I'll speak to DIL in the week.
He does PR as is on the birth certificate - for poster above.
Sorry I'm shattered!

He'll have nowhere to take her unless it's here (which is fine) or when they communicating he'd take the park or playgroup.

I don't think DIL would want to go to court, I think she hoping for resident parent order similar to what was available to me in spite of BC.

Son is deluded, he'll shout at me that he'll get a flat (magically), and get full custody because she's a slag 🙄
I told him that will never happen. He said he'll get 50/50 then. I said that's not going either with the way your behaving. I quote "at this rate, the only thing you'll be getting from court is an injunction"
Cue a load a verbal abuse at me.

We are both worried where he will take her, he really wants GD to meet his friends DD but they have an XL Bully. I've said to him swear to me that you'll never let DG near that dog. But... As with all things son he think he knows best. The dog is lovely apparently blah blah - but why take that risk?!
That might divide opinion.

I what DIL wants is to know where he's taking her, to know he's not her there and some bloody peace - don't we all - I ended up crying to her yesterday after a load of verbal abuse, and then the Private number calls began ringing her incessantly.

I just don't know what to do. All I can do at the moment is tell DIL about the CAO and help her if she wants to go down that route.

Is it bedtime yet 🤣😭

Once again - insert the missing words yourself.

Consider it your Saturday puzzle!

I don't think DIL would want to go to court, I think she hoping for resident parent order similar to what was available to me in spite of BC.

the only way to get any kind of order is to go to court. Once again, I would caution that she won't just get what she asks for by going to court. It could backfire.

I appreciate that thank you. Looking at it, I don't she will choose that route. Certainly not right now.

I think I'm going to end up being mediator, but we've tried in the past doesn't work. He is welcome here with GD of course, but he wants to do his own thing with her and he's only seen her once in about 4 or 5 months.

All I can do is speak to DIL. I started this thread with a view to showing her anyway (and introducing her to MN).

So.. I'll see how she feels in the week!

I truly appreciate all comments.