just really need somebody to talk to.
My ex abused me physically mentally emotionally for many years, I was a vulernable 16 year old when i met him and moved in with him right away, had a pregnancy then an ab*rtion, moved away and got back together fell pregnant with my second… escaped the DV situation six months pregnant and never looked back, stopped all contact with him and then as soon as i could i got a protection order which is now permanent. He’s never met baby, not on birth cert or anything. We’ve had no contact from august 2023 up until april 2024, stupidly allowed for him to make contact with me and we’ve had contact a few times since nothing to do with baby, he’s asked a few times but i’ve not said anything about her as i just don’t feel comfortable speaking about her after everything he’s done to us. Anyway, tonight found out he’s got a girlfriend after having seen this girl constantly on my page, I messaged him about him saying look I don’t know why i’m being watched but I don’t like it and appreciate if it could stop. Well now she’s gone and messages me, all very cocky telling me that she’s got a big mouth and not afraid to use it, that i’m crazy, that if he’s abused me then why do i message him, telling me not to give a sob story and that if i want to message him message about our daughter… Clearly she has no idea what has really happened, he would’ve told stories you know made me look like the crazy ex keeping his kid away. I tried to handle the situation as calmly as I could while I was basically been made a fool out of by this girl who’s probably known my ex for a split second and has no idea what a narcissist he is.
I am SO TORN not because of him but i’m so scared to lose my baby really, i’m so scared for the day he takes me to court if he ever does for visitation and maybe the court sees i’m an unfit mother or what have you, I know i’m not fuck i do everything for my baby i always have on my own without any help from him what so ever. But I just hate myself for allowing that contact when i shouldn’t have and im so broken that you know it could be used against me. 😭😭😭
there’s been a few contacts about different things and im so scared for it to be used against me, if he goes to court and i feel with this girl in his life she may push him to go to court. I can admit that sadly I have said somethings that I shouldn’t have said such as making contact with him about things that I have seen and heard from other people, I have deleted my social media accounts because i’m petrified but this does not delete messages and so if he wants to he can screenshot and use anything shiet me: I very stupidly allowed for that contact to be broken and as soon as I did it sent me down hill, everything kept playing on my mind and I just let emotion get the better of me. I think it was almost a year of not speaking and then all of a sudden there’s that contact again and I don’t think emotionally and mentally I was ready for that at all. I feel very stupid and I am so scared that everything will be used against me, that a judge will think that I only care about his life and what he’s doing with women this and that and it’s not the case, although i know he will make it look this way.
Im really struggling, I see a psychologist for the abuse he put me through but I haven’t yet seen her to mention all of this and it’s really playing on my mind, If I lose my daughter that’s really the end of me i’ll have nothing left anymore.
really not doing okay