Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Intestate question

254 replies

WingingItSince1973 · 07/05/2024 22:07

My dad died on Sunday. We didn't have a close relationship. I did try and keep up one with him but he was a stubborn man and I don't think really like me as we are very different people. My mum was a victim of dv and left him when I was a toddler (am 50 now). I had close relationship with aunties and grandparents on his side of family so saw him sporadically during my teens but nothing much during my adulthood. Anyway I was called to the hospital by my aunty and was with him when he died. He wasn't awake and I'm not sure if he knew I was there. So here's the thing. Aunty messaged me to ask if his name is on my birth certificate. It is and I sent her a screenshot. Now he didn't have a will and I'm and have been for the last 10 years his next of kin. No more children. He outlived his partner and they weren't married. There seems to be no legal papers anywhere to suggest anyone is next of kin. I'm being told now that a verbal agreement was my aunty and another uncle to have any money left over and treat myself and 3 others whatever that means. My aunty had a very close relationship with him along with my remaining two uncles. My question is would I be contacted regarding his 'estate'? He didn't own property and I have no idea of his finances. They are emptying his council house this week and have turned down my offers of help. There's also a chance now of compensation as he died with a condition bought about by his working environment and we are waiting for post mortem. My aunty wants to take over everything. Morally and legally what should I do? I'm not one for confrontation and it would be easier to give my aunty legal powers but then part of me thinks my dad owes me for never ever providing anything for me. I hate this though as I'm not at all materialistic but if there's a good amount of money it would really help my situation as I don't work due to illness and my poor dh shoulders the burden of earning a living and we live week to week. Sorry it's long. Hope someone can help advise what I should do xx

OP posts:
AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 09/05/2024 13:13

No surprises from aunty then
If your dad wanted his money to go to other family members he would have written a will.

Id respond by saying you are following the legal route and can’t do anything else. Only you can inherit legally from his estate at this stage.

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 09/05/2024 13:16

Interesting comment from cousin though
Distraught you may not carry out your dads wishes…….they are trying to shame you.

I’ve been in the same position and the solicitor ignored all similar verbal requests.

BodyKeepingScore · 09/05/2024 13:18

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 13:10

I've since had messages from my cousin to say my aunty is distraught as she thinks I'm not going to carry out my dad's wish with regards to giving her and my uncle his money. She's worried my dad will be upset. She wants me to promise that I will stick to the verbal agreement. X

You've no evidence other than your aunts claim that such a verbal agreement was even made. It's little wonder that she's so anxious to take over everything. At the end of the day, if those were your father's wishes he should have made a will declaring as such. But he didn't, and in the eyes of the law you stand to inherit, not her. Her claims that she's worried he'd be upset... he's no longer alive to be upset. She's worried about herself and herself only.

tridento · 09/05/2024 13:20

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 13:10

I've since had messages from my cousin to say my aunty is distraught as she thinks I'm not going to carry out my dad's wish with regards to giving her and my uncle his money. She's worried my dad will be upset. She wants me to promise that I will stick to the verbal agreement. X

She SO focussed on the money OP. It's obvious that's all she's thinking about. Please please don't give up your dc inheritance just because this grabby lying woman is being increasingly manipulative

There isn't even any evidence your father did say he wanted her to have everything. Considering she has checked to see if you are eligible (him on birth cert) and has been desperately trying to control things and has held back information from you I would say NOTHING in her behaviour would suggest she is honest. She has likely made up that verbal request about her receiving everything. Your father would have written a will. He didn't. That is much more telling than a liar and manipulator claiming he promised her.

Anameisaname · 09/05/2024 13:23

Tell your cousins that you are doing things legally as that is the only way to proceed given he died intestate.
There is simply no way for her to inherit money. The only option is a gift. We don't even know how much money at this point! It may be a very small sum

Damnyourheadshoulderskneesandtoes · 09/05/2024 13:23

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 13:10

I've since had messages from my cousin to say my aunty is distraught as she thinks I'm not going to carry out my dad's wish with regards to giving her and my uncle his money. She's worried my dad will be upset. She wants me to promise that I will stick to the verbal agreement. X

Just reply and say you can't agree to any arrangements just now and you have to sort everything out with the solicitor. You don't even know if there will be anything left over after the funeral. If he wanted your aunt to have the money so much he would have left it to her wouldn't he?

PamPamPamPam · 09/05/2024 13:23

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 13:10

I've since had messages from my cousin to say my aunty is distraught as she thinks I'm not going to carry out my dad's wish with regards to giving her and my uncle his money. She's worried my dad will be upset. She wants me to promise that I will stick to the verbal agreement. X

Yeah this would be where the gloves would be off for me OP. They are harassing you to make a decision before your dad is even released from the hospital. I would call the police now and tell them your aunt is trespassing on your dad's property and take over all the paperwork.

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 09/05/2024 13:26

PamPamPamPam · 09/05/2024 13:23

Yeah this would be where the gloves would be off for me OP. They are harassing you to make a decision before your dad is even released from the hospital. I would call the police now and tell them your aunt is trespassing on your dad's property and take over all the paperwork.

Show quote history

Very good point they are harassing you OP and your father isn’t even cremated yet.

Put your children first OP.

MaggieFS · 09/05/2024 13:28

Ok, well that tells you ALL you need to know about why she's doing what she's doing. And worse, trying to emotionally blackmail you too.

You need to stop her emptying his flat and you need to make doubly sure you get the death certificate.

You tell your cousin that you don't want to upset either of them, but you have to follow the correct legal route and can discuss details at a later stage.

Growlybear83 · 09/05/2024 13:41

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 09/05/2024 13:13

No surprises from aunty then
If your dad wanted his money to go to other family members he would have written a will.

Id respond by saying you are following the legal route and can’t do anything else. Only you can inherit legally from his estate at this stage.

I agree with this. And if your aunty won't hand over the keys to your dad's house today, get a locksmith round this evening to change the locks. She has already had several days to rifle through his belongings so you need to do whatever you can to stop her.

Original poster
WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 14:06

I've had several messages now. My dad has quite a large amount in his bank account. My aunty claims herself and my uncle (so dad's brother and sister) have been taking care of him for 9 years. I replied that I would have liked to have had the opportunity had I known but everytime I asked after him she would tell me that's he's fine and just a grumpy old sod or words to that affect. I had no other way of contacting him other than through her. I tried his Facebook and messenger but apparently he changed laptops and didn't remember passwords so didn't get my messages. I had his old phone number but that was changed too. I didn't know he had been poorly and despite our relationship I would have liked to have been involved or at least ask him if he wanted me to. Apparently even though poorly he still had good mental capacity and was quite adamant that my aunty and uncle should share his money. According to my cousin. They have already contacted the council and his bank to freeze his account which my cousin said the bank was happy to talk to my aunt. I have said she needs to send me the bank details asap! She is stalling saying my aunty is too upset and is at his house now emptying ready for the council to take it back. I cannot get to the house today and have no way of stopping her other than telling her but it's here where I'm feeling anxious. Also they've asked me to sort his dogs out. One is still young but the other one is old and poorly and needs to see the vet. I've said I'll sort it out if they give me vets details. The dogs are insured but they don't know who with yet! I think I need a solicitor now x

OP posts:
Original poster
WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 14:08

I did say to my cousin that I am doing everything legally and above board. That my aunty would get into trouble if she carried on trying to deal with his things. She said they don't mind I have to do that but they want the money he told them they can have. As for him being sad now well my aunty was always there's no life after death so I don't know why she's now imagining he's upset. If he was that sure he should have made a will and saved all this hassle x

OP posts:
Cantalever · 09/05/2024 14:09

If you want to keep a pretend front of being nice to her, Agreeable Dragon's advice upthread is brilliant, Say that as there wasn't as much contact with him as you would have liked, you want to do this for him as a way of closure. Thank her for her efforts, but say it is important for you to do it yourself, to get closure. There is literally no answer she can give to that, whether her motives are good or bad. Good luck,
OP

tridento · 09/05/2024 14:15

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 14:08

I did say to my cousin that I am doing everything legally and above board. That my aunty would get into trouble if she carried on trying to deal with his things. She said they don't mind I have to do that but they want the money he told them they can have. As for him being sad now well my aunty was always there's no life after death so I don't know why she's now imagining he's upset. If he was that sure he should have made a will and saved all this hassle x

They keep banging on about the money. They aren't even pretending it's about anything else anymore 😂

Think of your dc. Don't you dare let them lose out for these awful people

tridento · 09/05/2024 14:16

WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 14:06

I've had several messages now. My dad has quite a large amount in his bank account. My aunty claims herself and my uncle (so dad's brother and sister) have been taking care of him for 9 years. I replied that I would have liked to have had the opportunity had I known but everytime I asked after him she would tell me that's he's fine and just a grumpy old sod or words to that affect. I had no other way of contacting him other than through her. I tried his Facebook and messenger but apparently he changed laptops and didn't remember passwords so didn't get my messages. I had his old phone number but that was changed too. I didn't know he had been poorly and despite our relationship I would have liked to have been involved or at least ask him if he wanted me to. Apparently even though poorly he still had good mental capacity and was quite adamant that my aunty and uncle should share his money. According to my cousin. They have already contacted the council and his bank to freeze his account which my cousin said the bank was happy to talk to my aunt. I have said she needs to send me the bank details asap! She is stalling saying my aunty is too upset and is at his house now emptying ready for the council to take it back. I cannot get to the house today and have no way of stopping her other than telling her but it's here where I'm feeling anxious. Also they've asked me to sort his dogs out. One is still young but the other one is old and poorly and needs to see the vet. I've said I'll sort it out if they give me vets details. The dogs are insured but they don't know who with yet! I think I need a solicitor now x

Good good they are awful. Asking you to sort the dogs out so they just want the money. None of the hassle work.

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 09/05/2024 14:17

The bank should not be talking to your aunt without proof that she is his next of kin and inherits.
I would email the bank regarding this. Whenever I’ve done probate the bank has required evidence from us.

Your aunt and family are very unreasonable.
It seems clear now why your fathers contact details have been changed in the past, why your aunt didn’t tell you he was Ill and clear why your aunt asked if your dad was on your birth certificate. ie They knew Your father had money.

You need a solicitor to tell Your aunt she cannot remove anything from the estate. Then I’d get the solicitor to take things from there.

PamPamPamPam · 09/05/2024 14:23

I honestly wouldn't believe a single thing your aunt or cousin are saying. Freezing his account and contacting the council to give the house back and speaking to the hospital and a "legal team" and cleaning his house out all in 4 working days?

My dad died intestate two years ago and probate alone took well over a year and that was without any family arguments about who should get what etc.

The first thing that the bank wanted when I called them was a copy of his death certificate. Every single organisation wanted that as the first step. You cannot just call all these organisations and say someone has died and expect them to take you at your word, can you imagine the issues that would cause?

So how has your aunty done all of the above already? She hasn't. They are lying. They are harassing you because they need you to be on board as without your approval they cannot do any of this. Why? Because you are the next of kin!

Original poster
WingingItSince1973 · 09/05/2024 14:27

I physically can't get to his house today and even if I could I would be met with very angry people. As for the bank account. I didn't believe her either but keep asking for his bank details and they keep stalling. I will let them know I'll get a solicitor involved which they have already said they don't want. Thank you for keeping me going. I'm a pushover and this is way out of my comfort zone.

OP posts:
AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 09/05/2024 14:29

Remember OP
Them not wanting a solicitor is irrelevant OP, your dads estate has nothing to do with them.

PamPamPamPam · 09/05/2024 14:31

And make sure to document everything because if things escalate then you will have a good evidence base. If you can't get to the house could you still contact the council and police to let them know what is happening?

Believe me I know how hard this is, and you will unfortunately spend more time on dealing with this than with grieving right now but if nothing else, keep in mind that even if you ultimately decide you do not want the money, you can gift it to your children and grandchild.

KeepYourFingersOutOfMySoup · 09/05/2024 14:43

Op, there is a situation within my close circle at the moment where the dad of an only child died intestate. I won't go in to too much outing detail, but the (adult) child barely saw their dad, and part of the reason was his long term partner. They had been together for 30 years but never married, didn't own property. The dad had 100,000s in investments and accounts. The "stepmum" has been obstructive at every step and fought it all the way, but ultimately won't inherit a penny because she can't prove she was financially dependent on him and he never made a will. The solicitors have dealt with everything and will take their fee out of the estate.

I hope you manage to find the path of least stress with your family op. But if a cohabiting partner of 30 years can't fight the law here, your aunt certainly won't be able to. Your loyalty and responsibility is to your own children, and you must work in yours and their best interests. Good luck x

GimmeGin · 09/05/2024 14:55

@WingingItSince1973 I was hoping your aunty would turn out to be the nice lady you thought she was.

My Benefit of the Doubt has now been withdrawn.

If your aunt has been caring for your dad for 9 years, he had plenty of time to make a will. He didn’t.

Don’t worry about your dad being upset now. That’s just emotional blackmail being slung at you for their gain. Think of all the upset he caused you and your mum all those years ago. He wasn’t really the type to show emotions was he? Just a grumpy and angry man, that made others upset.

I can see why your aunty, uncle and cousin are upset though. The money they thought was coming their way has vanished.

MrsLeonFarrell · 09/05/2024 15:36

If you engage a solicitor they don't need to be paid until the estate is settled. It worth doing it, even for a one off advice appointment. What your aunt is doing is illegal and could land her in trouble. You are the legal heir, any money or property belongs to you.

I am dealing with intestacy at the moment and it is a nightmare of legality.

Hols24 · 09/05/2024 16:30

Most people don't expect to benefit from their sibling's will, certainly not if the sibling has children.

Whatever your dad may (or may not!) have said to your aunt, there's no will, so everything goes to you. If your dad's name hadn't been on that birth certificate I doubt she'd have been quick to offer to share the money with you 🙄

Good luck OP - stand your ground!

SummerFeverVenice · 09/05/2024 16:31

Your aunt should be doing a full inventory of his possessions. They are not hers to dispose of as she sees fit- everything in his house is legally yours.

Why the hell is she clearing out his flat? The council will give a few weeks grace. She is moving fast because she wants to gather momentum of her taking over to make it seem this is all being done at your request.