Intestate question

[WingingItSince1973]

My dad died on Sunday. We didn't have a close relationship. I did try and keep up one with him but he was a stubborn man and I don't think really like me as we are very different people. My mum was a victim of dv and left him when I was a toddler (am 50 now). I had close relationship with aunties and grandparents on his side of family so saw him sporadically during my teens but nothing much during my adulthood. Anyway I was called to the hospital by my aunty and was with him when he died. He wasn't awake and I'm not sure if he knew I was there. So here's the thing. Aunty messaged me to ask if his name is on my birth certificate. It is and I sent her a screenshot. Now he didn't have a will and I'm and have been for the last 10 years his next of kin. No more children. He outlived his partner and they weren't married. There seems to be no legal papers anywhere to suggest anyone is next of kin. I'm being told now that a verbal agreement was my aunty and another uncle to have any money left over and treat myself and 3 others whatever that means. My aunty had a very close relationship with him along with my remaining two uncles. My question is would I be contacted regarding his 'estate'? He didn't own property and I have no idea of his finances. They are emptying his council house this week and have turned down my offers of help. There's also a chance now of compensation as he died with a condition bought about by his working environment and we are waiting for post mortem. My aunty wants to take over everything. Morally and legally what should I do? I'm not one for confrontation and it would be easier to give my aunty legal powers but then part of me thinks my dad owes me for never ever providing anything for me. I hate this though as I'm not at all materialistic but if there's a good amount of money it would really help my situation as I don't work due to illness and my poor dh shoulders the burden of earning a living and we live week to week. Sorry it's long. Hope someone can help advise what I should do xx

It is imperative that you get the death certificate yourself not your aunt. Depending on values you may not need to get grant of letters of administration. For example bank will release relatively large sums without a grant (up to £50k in some instances, others much lower). In these lower value instances, All the bank will require is a death certificate and an indemnity form to be completed. She could complete this in her favour on the basis she feels she is entitled to it. If there are shares or property you will need to get a grant. You will need to go to the house to look for evidence of the assets and liabilities, pensions, refunds etc in his paperwork. You can also do a search for assets through companies such as ‘estate search’.

Thanks everyone. I bit the bullet and messaged my aunty last night to say I'll be requesting dad's death certificate and letting the coroner know I'm his next of kin. I had a message back at 7am today to say she wants to see me today. I don't need to get involved with his medical side as she was down as next of kin at the hospital. All I need to do is sort his finances out. I requested she send me any paperwork she has for him but she hasn't mentioned that. I'm worried I'm putting bad motives onto her when she's been a lovely aunty to me over the years when we've met up at family events (usually funerals) and keep in touch via Facebook but I don't really know her that well. I know she's grieving and she did really care for my dad. They were close. So should I feel guilty that me and relative stranger to him swoops in and takes control from her? Xx

Sorry also to add she said she's seeing a legal team this morning? Not sure about what. Nothing can change the fact I'm his daughter. I don't want to cause upset but I'm actually quite angry now. I've missed out on years with him and I don't know why. I'm thinking about my children too and don't want them to be stripped of any inheritance. Does that sound crass?

I want to give you a big hug.

You aren't being crass. You are doing what is right, fair and legal. Do not let your aunt bamboozle you.

Let the hospital know that you are his daughter and to please call you with details about postmortem and death certificate.

Your aunt seems to be trying to frighten you with this talk of legal teams. By all means, let her have a role, but you need to be proactive here.

OP can you not see how manipulative this is? Your dad died 4 days ago and your aunt is telling you she's speaking to a "legal team". Has she offered you any emotional support? Come to see you? All her focus seems to be on money.

And let her speak to whichever team she likes, it will never change the fact that as he died without a will you, as his only child, will inherit.

Dear @WingingItSince1973 ,

I was estranged from my dad for many years. Its not the same situation as yours by any means, but I was left to arrange all his finances when he died.
He didn't have much moment, but what I got from taking care of his final affairs was closure, and a sense that even if we had no relationship in life, I was able to do something when he died.

You dad might not have any money for you to inherit. Or there might be a little bit and that could be very beneficial to you.

Either way, you are the legal beneficiary of his estate, and by sorting out the estate and taking control of the situation your are doing something for you dad that yourcouldn't do while he was alive. From my experience, thatwill help your greatly in managing your feelings. He was your dad, but you did not have a relationship. That's a hard thing to process.
I don't know what your Aunty's motives are. She might genuinely think she's being helpful, or she might be hiding something. But whatever her reasoning, it will be good for you to do this final act for your dad. And hopefully he's left something for you to inherit that makes your life a bit easier.

Hold strong and stick to your guns on this one. Your Aunt needs to step aside, if she really cares, she'll understand.

(By the way, a "legal team" for a man who lived in a council house is unlikely!)

@WingingItSince1973 Ask Aunty if you can attend the meeting with her today. At least you will both hear the same info at the same time. And then the “legal team” will be aware of your existence.

however, When my FIL died in hospital, there was no legal team giving advice or holding meetings. We didn’t expect this tbh. They must have multiple deaths every day to process.

Im giving your auntie the benefit of doubt here. She may be just being her normal nice helpful self. Saving you from having to do all the funeral stuff for a “stranger”. She’s already indicated that you’ll need to deal with the financials, so she’s maybe not planning on stealing your inheritance. Reserve judgement until you’ve spoken today. You may be worrying unnecessarily.

I have been a lovely auntie to my nieces and if their dad died I would do what I could to make sure they inherited.

I certainly wouldn't think I should inherit!

This often happens when someone dies. You discover your lovely aunties and family friends aren't quite as lovely as you thought. She's trying to stick her arm - good for you not letting her. Tell her he's your father and you will be organising everything.

This sounds so difficult, OP, and im sorry for your loss. I don't think you should be asking your aunty if you can attend the meeting, you should be TELLING her that you want to be there as your late father's next of kin. I think you should also insist on your aunty giving you the keys to your father's house immediately before she clears out anything else. And as other people have said, make sure you get the death certificate and that it doesn't go to your aunty.

OP as PP said the next of kin for hospital is a completely different matter.
Go and see a solicitor because you are the inheritor if he's died without a will so aunty will not be entitled to anything

I'd just say to her that you are not bothered for any of the possessions but you will be filing for probate. I suggest you get a solicitor involved ASAP as there may be a pension or death lump.p sum

I think the auntie is getting a hard time here - she's just lost a brother whom, according to the OP, she loved and cared for. Tbh I'd say it's far more crass to only be interested in the financials and leaving the medical stuff to the auntie as some posters seem to be suggesting!

If its a suspected industrial disease (mesothelioma?) then that might be why there is a "legal meeting" happening - perhaps the hospital are explaining why it's been an immediate referral to the coroner and what the next steps may be?

@WingingItSince1973 first thing to do is change the locks on the doors to his house!!! they should not be entering the property at all. get a solicitor involved now. they will have to deal with everything and legally everything in the house and banks belongs to you, not your auntie!!! It doesnt matter what she says! and if it is the case that your father died of an industrial disease, then please do start a claim. he owes you for not being in your life for a long time.

Ok just so there's some background. My dad was a violent person to my mum. She fled when I was two. Sadly she met and married an equally bad man and he abused me for years. My dad knew about this and told me later on in life that he and my uncles were going to step in but decided not to. When I was 14 I ran away to live with my dad. He sent me home after a week. Since then it's been sporadic contact. He's lived with a lady for 15 years and managed to find time for her kids and grandchildren. I have 3 daughters and one grandson. I am not being grabby at all. If my dad had made a will and it all went to my aunty I would have quite happily accepted it. But now I'm the legal next of kin I do have a right to manage his affairs now and I want to because I feel this will help me mentally. My brother (not his son) was murdered 18 years ago and my dad wasn't any support. I've been seriously ill and still no support. I found it so hard to come to terms that he wasn't bothered about me or his grandchildren. So now how I see it is that my children can benefit if there is any money and it would be closure for me. I don't want to cause any hurt to anyone and believe me this is so hard but if it turned out my aunty was trying to deceive me out of anything I will feel absolutely sick that someone I thought loved me would do that. This way I can control the outcome and hopefully my family will be happy.

So after that I spoke to the coroner today who was lovely and they said there's a chance of compensation if he died of asbestosis and gave me a number to call. My aunty would have been given that same number yesterday but didn't pass that onto me. I don't know if that was deliberate or not but she insisted on sorting out the medical side of his affairs. She can still arrange the funeral and she still has access to his house and his possessions. All I've asked is that now I'm the one who anything legal has to go through. She said my dad told her he wanted her to have any money left over but sadly with no will that doesn't automatically happen. I will be fair. I'm not greedy and we live quite happily on one income though it is tight at times. I just want to be fair and above all legally get it sorted out xxxx

@WingingItSince1973 WingingItSince1973 · Today 11:21 I had a friends whose father had actually hidden a good few thousand pounds under his carpets!!! you need to change the locks immediately. it is not hard to arrange a funeral so you can do that too.

Don’t let your auntie do anything!! You should be making arrangements to register his death and get the death certificates, you then use that to access his bank account, settle his debts, pay for a funeral and so on.

My auntie tried the exact same thing when my mum passed. I was in the middle of moving house so my mum died on a Saturday and I didn’t find out until the Tuesday, I go directly to my mum’s house ti find my aunt and uncle sleeping in her bed, the house ransacked “looking for a will” (yeah right). They said I was too young (I was 27) and wanted to arrange the funeral and would file with court to settle my mum’s affairs. I said no way and told them to leave my mum’s home right this second, they whinged and said “she was my SISTER, we GREW UP TOGETHER, how would you feel if a niece pushed you out when your sister dies?” (I have a sister). I stood firm and made them leave. I then had to move quick to take control of everything. Otherwise my aunt would have taken the lot,

I do agree that aunty is getting a hard time here. She may have good intentions, but you won’t know until you speak about things in more detail.

Try to be a team with her. She’s maybe assumed you don’t want any hassle, and is unaware of the legals. She may be perfectly fine with you handling the money side. You won’t know until you have that conversation.

if she is still your lovely aunt, great! If you get vibes that she’s not so lovely after all, then the law is on your side.

you are both grieving, everything will still be pretty raw. Your dad only been gone a few days.

@WingingItSince1973@GimmeGin@Rosecoffeecup I can honestly say, as a nurse, that I have seen relatives physicallyfighting and trying to pull jewellery off a dying person because they each thought they should be getting wedding ring, engagement ring, necklance etc!!! I do not think the auntie is being entirely unscrupulous here!!

It's important for you to deal with your father's estate. It will help to give closure.

Whatever your aunt says your father wanted is irrelevant legally. Plus who knows what he said, you only have her word and it’s quite distressing how some people change when inheritance is involved.

You really need to change the locks and request no access. Tell your aunt not to worry you’ll sort everything.

I've had to take the reins so to speak as there is now a coroner inquest. I wish there wasn't. I wish he could have just been allowed to be cremated as per his wishes and everything settled quickly and easily. I don't have a close relationship with my aunt but the times I've seen her she has always been nice. I couldn't say I other way if she was money orientated or not but either way this is my right to do. I won't do anything that would upset her and she can organise the funeral although dad wanted a direct cremation and no fuss. He wasn't a very emotional person and really hated any fuss being made of him. I really wish I could have been there more for him. I had left messages for him and asked my aunty to tell him I've tried to be in touch with him. From what I can gather he's not been well for a long while yet I wasn't ever told this. If I had known I would have made sure he knew that I was trying to get in touch. What happened in my past is something I have to deal with. Hes from a very tough and practical family so maybe he didn't intervene as it was too much feelings etc and he wasn't like that. One day out the blue when I was about 28 he drove past me in his lorry for work. He parked up and came in mine for a cup of tea. I loved that and he promised to keep in touch but that sadly slipped by. All my memories are of a grumpy man who swore a lot and hated anything not British! You can get my drift. I found the racism in my family and the swearing and far right views really hard too so there was always going to be a chasm. Sorry this had nothing to do with anything. I'm just rambling. Maybe trying to excuse myself for not being there for him. X

I really hope you manage to get this sorted without too much drama. I do wonder why your Aunt didn't tell you your Dad was ill and only called you at the very end.

That’s a lovely memory to have of your dad, OP.
You can do this for your dad and yourself.

So after that I spoke to the coroner today who was lovely and they said there's a chance of compensation if he died of asbestosis and gave me a number to call. My aunty would have been given that same number yesterday but didn't pass that onto me. I don't know if that was deliberate or not but she insisted on sorting out the medical side of his affairs. She can still arrange the funeral and she still has access to his house and his possessions. All I've asked is that now I'm the one who anything legal has to go through. She said my dad told her he wanted her to have any money left over but sadly with no will that doesn't automatically happen. I will be fair. I'm not greedy and we live quite happily on one income though it is tight at times. I just want to be fair and above all legally get it sorted out

@WingingItSince1973 please don't give her a penny!! She kept the coroner's info from you. That's so cruel of her. She's probably lying about what your dad said to her and even if she's not, your dad didn't leave a will. That means everything goes to you.

Give the money to your children and grandchildren. Don't give a penny to your auntie. Your family deserve the money.

I've since had messages from my cousin to say my aunty is distraught as she thinks I'm not going to carry out my dad's wish with regards to giving her and my uncle his money. She's worried my dad will be upset. She wants me to promise that I will stick to the verbal agreement. X