Intestate question

[WingingItSince1973]

My dad died on Sunday. We didn't have a close relationship. I did try and keep up one with him but he was a stubborn man and I don't think really like me as we are very different people. My mum was a victim of dv and left him when I was a toddler (am 50 now). I had close relationship with aunties and grandparents on his side of family so saw him sporadically during my teens but nothing much during my adulthood. Anyway I was called to the hospital by my aunty and was with him when he died. He wasn't awake and I'm not sure if he knew I was there. So here's the thing. Aunty messaged me to ask if his name is on my birth certificate. It is and I sent her a screenshot. Now he didn't have a will and I'm and have been for the last 10 years his next of kin. No more children. He outlived his partner and they weren't married. There seems to be no legal papers anywhere to suggest anyone is next of kin. I'm being told now that a verbal agreement was my aunty and another uncle to have any money left over and treat myself and 3 others whatever that means. My aunty had a very close relationship with him along with my remaining two uncles. My question is would I be contacted regarding his 'estate'? He didn't own property and I have no idea of his finances. They are emptying his council house this week and have turned down my offers of help. There's also a chance now of compensation as he died with a condition bought about by his working environment and we are waiting for post mortem. My aunty wants to take over everything. Morally and legally what should I do? I'm not one for confrontation and it would be easier to give my aunty legal powers but then part of me thinks my dad owes me for never ever providing anything for me. I hate this though as I'm not at all materialistic but if there's a good amount of money it would really help my situation as I don't work due to illness and my poor dh shoulders the burden of earning a living and we live week to week. Sorry it's long. Hope someone can help advise what I should do xx

The council will have keys to the house. I'd tell them someone has stolen the keys and ask for a duplicate set.

I think what's motivating my aunt is control. Plus dad's house was a mess and he would have been ashamed for anyone to see it, according to aunt. I can actually understand that. He was a very proud man. Didn't like interference or help. She said the last 9 years since his partners death he just sat and chain smoked and drank. Didn't help his emphysema! She said he wasn't eating the last few weeks. But when I messaged to see if he was ok she said he was fine. Anyway whatever was in the house has gone. I've got all the documents now just waiting or interim death certificate which should be issued Monday. Then I can access his account and ask for money to be transferred over to me. I already have the forms for this and have spoken to the bank. The funeral director can then also be paid and collect dad for his cremation. My next problem will be whether I split the money with them. As it is it's tens of thousands but not in the top end. As she said he wanted her and another uncle to have half each and then treat myself and 3 other people I'm not going to do that. But I don't know whether to give something. I'll wait to see what's left over after funerals and any debts settled. Thanks so much for sticking by me the last week or so. It's been such a huge rollercoaster. I've had to block some family members because of the vile things I was accused of. My aunt i still need contact with for now and she's being a lot nicer in her messages but her Facebook posts are still mad (very childish). So that's where I'm at today xxxx

Well done OP for making it thus far

Don't rush into splitting the assets. You need to apply for probate and do all the other bits (death notice etc) and then split up the estate. Work it through properly with a solicitor if necessary and then once you are sure on amounts you can decide what to give them, if anything.

But you need to be sure of what the amounts are first after paying any charges etc

If her Facebook comments are still nasty then it’s clear she’s only being nice to your face. So I think it’s obvious why.
As she has cleared the house I’m sure she’s kept whatever she wanted
You didn’t have even an opportunity to chose a single trinket or momento
So she’s got her inheritance
There’s no better way to deal with your dads money than for his grandchildren to benefit.

You might not need probate, especially if there was no property involved and bank is happy to pass funds to you. My father had around £30,000 in savings, no property as he rented, and as I was the sole beneficiary, the bank on sight of the will and proof of my ID, transferred to me. No probate required.

You only have her word for it that he wanted her and the other person to have cash. It sounds like she stopped you from knowing he was ill and from seeing him as much as you would have, had you realised he was unwell. It might be that I am being horrible, but it could be that she kept you away as she knew you were the beneficiary (maybe there was a will naming you) and thougt by keeping you away she could access his bank account and take that money. People can be awful when there is money around.

You are not supposed to distribute any funds until you have received probate, so whatever you do, dont split any funds for now. Give yourself time to think about it.

I would suggest you take the money and use it yourself or give to your children. You aunty and cousin etc have been vile, and really showed their true colours. I would not being giving them a thing, if I were in your shoes.

My next problem will be whether I split the money with them. As it is it's tens of thousands but not in the top end. As she said he wanted her and another uncle to have half each and then treat myself and 3 other people I'm not going to do that. But I don't know whether to give something.

@WingingItSince1973 you aunt has treated you like shit. She even questioned whether you are your father's daughter. She has tried to keep all the money for herself and has made this whole process really difficult for you.

Don't give her a penny. Keep all the money for you and your children. I repeat, don't give her anything.

I wouldn’t give her or her family a penny. They have been absolutely vile to you and tried to ensure they kept everything that was “promised”. Your Dad did not make a will - even though I suspect your Aunt has torn his home apart trying to find one - and so you can only assume he didn’t want them to have any money. Bad behaviour should not be rewarded. If you even give them a token amount, they will demand all of it and use your kindness against you. Keep the money for you and your future and cut them out of your life.

I'm glad things seem to be gradually working out for you, OP. I agree with other posters that you shouldn't give your aunty any of your dad's money. She has treated you so badly, and don't forget that during the last two weeks she will have removed everything of value in your dad's house, which might well have included money. She lied to you about your dad's health before he passed away, and goodness knows how much of his money she was able to get her hands on while he was still alive. If I was in your position, I would look very carefully at his bank statement for the last couple of years once you can access them. If your dad had wanted your aunty to inherit his estate then he would have made a will- keep what is legally yours and if you don't want it for yourself, use of for your children.

You shouldn't give her a single penny..

You're going NC with them anyway.
Collate/screenshot all the FB vitriol.
When they come begging, just reply with their own words.
She cleared the house for what she could take/keep/steal/sell and in the hope of finding a will.
Cut them out. Cut them off.

Definitely agree, when you do get access to the bank account you should scrutinise the details, not just for the period since your dad's death, but also for the period he was in hospital and the time he was ill and not leaving the house. It is possible that they were abusing him financally while he was vulnerable. Perhaps they did not, but their behaviour since his death, and their reaction to you taking over the adminstration of his affairs, does ring a lot of alarm bells.

Hope for the best and plan for the worst. That means DEFINITELY don't give them any money, as at this point, you don't know what they may have already taken (from the house, from the bank, any other bank accounts, any other assets).

As PP have said, if he wanted aunty and other to be his beneficiaries, he would have made a will.

Sending you hugs and strength while you go through this. My father (that I didn't see often) also died intestate. I was his next of kin (and very young) but not the only beneficiary. The people who were smarming up to me and being friendly had in fact robbed him in between him dying and me getting keys to his flat to sort things out. It took me quite a while to piece things together and being young, I didn't know how to deal with things (so I did nothing). But it hurt to know people he trusted behaved in that way. There were also disputes over how the estate shoudl be split, and it was very unpleasant. As you are the only child it should be a simple affair but I am sorry that you have to deal with your family's bad behaviour while you have just lost your father, with the added upset of not having known that he was so unwell. x

Just to update. Everything has gone through. Funeral paid for and money released into my account. Now I'm anxious about what to do with my aunty. My kids are having some of it as it will help them greatly and we have some bills to pay and I bought a new hoover! Go me! But I feel so bad now. Thank you everyone for your help. Looking back the last few weeks I did panic a bit. My dad is still with the funeral directors and waiting for his ashes to be returned which are going direct to my aunty as she will put them with my grandparents and my other aunty who passed away some time ago. Xxx

My advice would be to give it some time and let things settle. At the very least you need to know what she took from the house before you can make decisions about any money.

dont feel bad. remember this is actually your money now, and if feel yourself wobbling remember how aunty and cousin have treated you over the last few weeks. Hope the hoover is great.

The way I see it, your father let you down in life, and now your aunt gets a taste of what it feels like to be let down by him too. If he wanted her to have his money, he should have arranged for that to happen. Maybe if she had been a better aunt and reigned in her vile-mouthed child, you might have felt more kindly towards them. Give them £50 each.

I agree with this.

OP, that money is yours. Your dad was a poor parent. You deserve something, and in lieu of growing up with a father you get his money as a "consolation prize". I expect you would have preferred having a father but sadly that was not to be.

The most you should give your Aunt, is something to have fun with (can't remember her exact wording) which is all the greedy woman was going to give you!

£50 would be way too nice to give them. What vile people they are the cousin and your aunt.

Indeed. The £50 is a nod to that recent court case where a man left £50 to each of his grandchildren. They thought they deserved more so they took it to court and lost. It ended up costing them £200k in legal fees.

Wills exist for a reason.

If you are thinking about giving money to your unscrupulous Aunt - take a moment and imagine how much she may have given you. Nothing I suspect.

@WingingItSince1973
Right from the very first day, your Aunt has been planning to steal from you what was rightfully yours.
All her actions and conniving have had this as the goal, to make sure that you did not benefit at all, but that she did. She had no right to clear out your Dad's house, and to take his property, so who knows what she has acquired.

I'm so pleased that you're able to find the courage to take charge of these sad and difficult events. I hope you do not give your Aunt a penny of your inheritance. She has already had her share when she stole everything from your Dad's property.

You had a difficult childhood, with little support from your Dad. Look on this inheritance as being a way that he is helping you now. Use it to benefit yourself and your children, to make your lives a little easier.
Kindest thoughts to you @WingingItSince1973

Your aunt has already inherited the contents of the house.
Thats enough.
She has no right to anything so she’s had more than she should.

Exactly. She literally questioned the contents of your birth certificate OP. She was fully prepared to screw you over and bombarded you with all of this before your dad had even been released from the hospital. If you feel like you want to do something then I would pick a charity to make a donation to in your dad's name. Give them nothing.

Have you been able to check whether any withdrawals had been made from the account whilst your dad was ill or since his death?

Are you sure this is his only account?

I am in the camp of 'this money is yours and your Aunt does not deserve any of it'.

Don’t make any financial decisions just yet. Put the money into an account you don’t look at regularly and grieve how you want to grieve, get the funeral out of the way then take a few weeks out mentally away from the hideous pressuring family. Then see how you feel.