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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Can I give up my share of a house?

97 replies

Username9898 · 02/05/2024 13:58

This is a bit long and complicated but I’ll try and summarise.

I own half of a house with my mum and have done for 20 odd years. The house previously belonged to my grandparents and my mum was meant to be gradually buying it off them. Long story short she was an alcoholic with mental health issues and they basically ended up putting it both our names to ‘protect’ me in the long run. I was only 19 at the time and didn’t really understand the implications of all this… Skip to now - she has dementia and I have power of attorney. I also have basically nothing to do with her - she was horribly abusive growing up and I have PTSD as a result. I want to give up my POA in the longer run, hand it all over to social services (they basically do everything now anyway) and be fully non-contact with her. BUT, I will still be tied via the house.
Is there a way I can just stop owning my half?! I’m happy to sign it over to her (I think this would be helpful for her - I think social services would be far more likely to sort her care out if she had the full value of the house to help fund it..) but she doesn’t really have capacity anymore. I just don’t know what can be done legally and wondered if anyone has any advice.

OP posts:

Jiski · 06/05/2024 23:23

I’m confused here. Why don’t you just ignore it all and give up POA? Why do you have to give the house up?

Bonbon249 · 06/05/2024 23:29

Speak to either your mum's social workers or a solicitor or even Citizens Advice (I'm assuming UK based). They should be able to advise you on the legal ins and outs. There will likely be a procedure to follow and paperwork to fill in - just keep your end goal in mind and you will get through it. Good luck!

parietal · 06/05/2024 23:37

Don't give up your half of the house.

If you have PoA, you could move your mum into a care home, sell the house and put her money in an account to pay the home. Then you get your half as your grandparents intended.

If that is too complicated, you can give up the PoA and let the council organise care for your mum. They may want funds from her half of the house but can't touch yours.

NoThanksymm · 07/05/2024 04:25

Yeah. Two separate issues here. Ok many issues.

youre tramatized from childhood and trying to run away? What’s the actual goal of getting rid of your half?

you can sell your mothers half to yourself. Do you have siblings? Anyone that is entitled or willed part of her share? Is your mothers care dependent on her personal spending ability (ie you’re in the states and they won’t take good care of her, unlike the rest of the developed world where she would still receive excellent care)

anyway. Don’t just give up your gift from your grandparents! Get a third party to ensure basic or standard of care for your mother and sell or give her half to yourself. Put her money in the bank and walk away - forget about it and her as you need. Then when she dies deal with the money again.

don’t walk away from your grandparents gift!!!!

SoupChicken · 07/05/2024 06:49

You need the advice of a solicitor, not mumsnet. Things can be tricky when someone has lost capacity, you can’t just do whatever you want because you have POA.

Onethinnyatatime · 07/05/2024 06:51

I am sorry to hear about your traumatic past and that you still have ties to it. You need to put it behind asap but you need a plan.
First, you need to give up your POA but not yet. I assume that your mum is still living in the house? Can you sell the house and buy something smaller for her? Or can she live somewhere else?
Once you have sorted out the house give up your POA. Please DON'T GIVE UP your share of the house.
It is your grandparents' gift and they wanted to protect you.

asbigasablueberry · 07/05/2024 06:55

Don't give up your share! All that will happen is social services will sell the house and use the money for care fees.

You are entitled to half, that's what your grandparents wanted.

Distance yourself in terms of physically and the POA but keep your half and bloody enjoy it when the time comes.

boredybored · 07/05/2024 07:02

Don't give up your share , you can give up poa but then the house will be sold . Your half will go to you and he half will go towards a care home or if she is staying in her house then the care will be paid. There is no benefit to you to give up the ownership as it will be yours one day

By the way dementia is an absolute monster . My mum has it. And has been so vile to me . I also have poa and control of her estate and I tried to get her to put her second property into my dd ( only gdd) name years ago and she wouldn't have it so that willl be sold for care soon 🙄

ScaryM0nster · 07/05/2024 07:03

Check whether your employer has an employee assistance program.

If they do, give them a call and get some advice. They’re generally good for legal advice stuff and family care issues.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 07/05/2024 07:20

Your grandparents wanted you to have half.

Give up POA and then sell the house now like other PPs have said.

hipposcanweartutus · 07/05/2024 07:23

what a horrible situation to be in! You really need to speak to a solicitor about your share of the house, don’t just give it up because once your mum has gone, that 50% will be yours to do want you want with. As it stands, if your mum was to go into care, only her half of the sale of the house can be used for care fees and your half can’t be used as it is yours assuming the house was put in your joint names more than 7 years ago. Get some legal advise to protect what is rightly yours!

Wemetatascoutcamp · 07/05/2024 07:35

If the house isn’t your main property I believe you’d have to pay capital gains tax even if you just gave your mum your half of the house so please get advice from an accountant/financial advisor before you do anything.

Eskimalita · 07/05/2024 07:38

It sounds like you’ve had a really traumatic childhood.
i think you would benefit in the long term from keeping this asset as your’s. You could rent it out to help pay for some therapy. It’s a way of having an income to support you if you need a mental health break.
your grandparents were trying to think of your long term future and you should do too.
i think perhaps you subconsciously think that by giving her the house, yore also unburdening yourself from the trauma. Or you seem to be scared of responsibility. It’s making you confuse lots of issues.
take care of yourself

Fraaahnces · 07/05/2024 07:49

Keep house and ditch POA. You don’t have to continue.

Lovemybunnies · 07/05/2024 07:49

SoupChicken · 07/05/2024 06:49

You need the advice of a solicitor, not mumsnet. Things can be tricky when someone has lost capacity, you can’t just do whatever you want because you have POA.

This. Absolutely.

6pence · 07/05/2024 07:55

Keep your half of the house. Your gp’s wanted you yo have it. Don’t dishonour their memory by ditching it now.

See a solicitor. Sell the house. Give 50% to your mothers bank account and then hand everything over to SS. Again at that point, rescind the poa legally via a solicitor.

LilySLE · 07/05/2024 07:57

Please, please, from someone in the industry - get some legal advice here. There is lots going on in the factual scenario you have outlined and you need professional advice.

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/05/2024 08:01

I agree with all those who say keep your share.

You can get rid of the POA, you can refuse to make any decisions, but you can also use the money from your half of the house for something that your grandparents would like. They wanted to provide some security for you, when they house is sold and keeping your share will do this. Don't let your mother take anything else away from you.

When the house is sold you don't have to make any quick decisions either, put the money somewhere safe and take time to deal with all the complicated emotions grief brings, even when it's someone who was abusive.

ThePure · 07/05/2024 08:02

Does she live in the house? That isn't clear

If she lives in the house and needs care at home its value will not be taken into account in means testing but it would be hard for you to sell it from under her.

If she needs to live in a care home then the house will need to be sold and used to pay the care home fees but once she has less than the threshold (about 23,000) the state will take over paying.

If you give mum your share of the house you will really just be giving it to the state by delaying the point at which she needs to pay. That's very altruistic but not what your grandparents intended. They knew you wouldn't get an inheritance from mum so they gave it to you. The value of half the house could fund a lot of private therapy for instance. Please don't give that up.

Also I think it's true that you may have to pay CGT on the notional value even if you gift it as HMRC don't believe anyone would really do this for free.

You can resign the LPA right now but keep the house share and when she moves into a home you get your share of the money. Or if she dies maybe you'll get it all.

Beautiful3 · 07/05/2024 08:02

No don't give up your share of the house. Just sign over your poa to social services. It makes no difference to them if you have a share, it's the poa that's needed. Keep your share, so you get it when it eventually sells. Call them up and talk to them about it.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/05/2024 08:06

NoThanksymm · 07/05/2024 04:25

Yeah. Two separate issues here. Ok many issues.

youre tramatized from childhood and trying to run away? What’s the actual goal of getting rid of your half?

don’t walk away from your grandparents gift!!!!

OP can’t just give her mums’ share of the house to herself and if she has the means to sell it to herself she would have to do so at market value. She has lasting power of attorney and can’t legally do anything to benefit herself from her mums’ assets. Her mum has dementia and needs ongoing care, so even if OP were able to give herself her mums’ share, it would have no legal standing and would be considered deprivation of assets to avoid care fees.

3luckystars · 07/05/2024 08:06

Also agree please don’t give up your share of the home, she has taken too much from you already.
Your grandparents left that to you.

Have you, or anyone in your house an Employee Assistance Program at work? They give financial and sometimes legal advice too, they will give you free counselling and it’s all totally confidential and free.

also I’d recommend a book it’s called ‘you are not the problem’ by Helen Villiers and Katie Mc Kenna.

All the best x

Quitelikeit · 07/05/2024 08:08

I doubt the situation is stopping SS putting her in a care home.

Saying that I am not surprised that they leave a dementia sufferer regularly throughout the day and send in carers! So dangerous

They can still put her in a home and would get the 50% off you once the house was sold

LMMuffet · 07/05/2024 08:12

I’m sorry you had an awful childhood and have developed PTSD. That sounds dreadful and I hope you have some support and therapy now.

But I think it is preventing you from seeing things clearly. I totally understand why you want to have nothing to do with your mum; no doubt it can set you off to have to deal with her. But that is the trauma taking the lead. To give up your half of the house would be a foolish decision in the longer term. Social services won’t be better with her just because she owns the whole house, their legal duties towards her are the same regardless of wealth/income. If they are not being very good at present it’s more likely that it’s because they are too busy.

But don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Your grandparents wanted you to inherit from them. They tried to protect you from your mum’s whims. That money could help you in the future and/or your children if you have any. Don’t let your awful childhood get in the way of that.

I agree with others that you should see a specialist solicitor and take advice on what you can do. It may be sensible to sell the house and use her half to fund a care home. And then keep the other half for what you need, as your grandparents intended.

I’m sorry it’s so tough. But please don’t let your past stop you from thinking clearly about your future.

Twiglets1 · 07/05/2024 08:15

Another person saying do not give up your half share of the house, just give up your POA.

I would make an appointment with a local solicitor to get legal advice but there is no reason that I can see for you to give up your half share of the house, that is a completely separate issue from no longer wanting to be her named POA.

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