Can I give up my share of a house?

[Username9898]

This is a bit long and complicated but I’ll try and summarise.

I own half of a house with my mum and have done for 20 odd years. The house previously belonged to my grandparents and my mum was meant to be gradually buying it off them. Long story short she was an alcoholic with mental health issues and they basically ended up putting it both our names to ‘protect’ me in the long run. I was only 19 at the time and didn’t really understand the implications of all this… Skip to now - she has dementia and I have power of attorney. I also have basically nothing to do with her - she was horribly abusive growing up and I have PTSD as a result. I want to give up my POA in the longer run, hand it all over to social services (they basically do everything now anyway) and be fully non-contact with her. BUT, I will still be tied via the house.
Is there a way I can just stop owning my half?! I’m happy to sign it over to her (I think this would be helpful for her - I think social services would be far more likely to sort her care out if she had the full value of the house to help fund it..) but she doesn’t really have capacity anymore. I just don’t know what can be done legally and wondered if anyone has any advice.

I think you can't without paying taxes. Donations also are taxed.

Honestly, this isn’t that bad or complicated and you don’t need to have anything to do with her.

Get the ball rolling on getting her into care, keep your POA to make the house sale smoother and easier without going through anyone else. Sell the house, put half the money into her account and take your half.
Let social services deal with everything after that. Just sign whatever crap you need to for them to use her money to fund her care.

Give up POA, sell the house, give mom her half of money, it will be able to go to her care fees & you get your half of the funds (sounds like your grandparents wanted you to benefit from the house?)

The council should sort your moms care regardless of if she has money or not. LA funded & self funders are treated the exact same at the Care home I work in (as it should be) & when people run out of money, the council take over.

OP you’d be wise to sign over the lasting power of attorney to social services as soon as you can. You don’t say if your mum is still resident in the house, but if so I can tell you from experience that social services will be looking to provide home care for as long as possible and they will put as much responsibility on family as they can to achieve that.

Ask for a meeting with social services and make it clear that you own half of the house and don’t intend to be involved in your mothers’ care, and to that end you are relinquishing the power of attorney.

Don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. Once they have the full facts SS then have the responsibility to provide care in your mum’s best interests, and at the point at which she needs residential care you can arrange for the house to be sold and the proceeds from your mums’ half of the house will pay for her care. Once the ‘funding pot’ from the sale drops below £14,250 SS will take over the funding. Please don’t give up your share - you have absolutely no obligation to fund your mothers’ care and you don’t need to be involved with it once you give up the power of attorney. That doesn’t affect your entitlement to your share of the house when it’s sold.

Threads like this really emphasise the need for proper legal advice

OP didn't even say which country they live in. Advice offered may be well meaning but completely inaccurate.........

OP is talking about power of attorney and social services, so reasonable to assume she’s in the UK.

Seeing as Mumsnet is a UK site I think it's a fair assumption that the OP is in the UK unless they state otherwise.

Personally, I did suggest that @Username9898 seeks advice from a solicitor re giving up their POA but not their half share in the house.

@Rosscameasdoody @Twiglets1 Yes, most likely in UK, but there are different legal systems within the UK

You cannot 'sign over your POA to social services' by the way. They don't do that
They have a separate system of appointeeshio for benefits or they could apply to the CoP to appoint a solicitor but they only do that if it's mega bucks money.

You can relinquish it and then there will be none and decisions will just have to be made in her best interests. Social services will put pressure on you not to relinquish as it makes it harder for them but you can give up the LPA at any time.

It is probably in your own interests to get the house sold and her settled in care before you give up the LPA but after that it will be easy to stop it. Social care will likely not sell the house if mum owned it with no LPA as they are legally not able to but they will do a 'property disregard' and claim the care fees owed from the estate after her death.

And yes my advice applies if you live in England and Wales where I have professional knowledge of dementia care.

There are three types of power of attorney, and at least two ways people can share ownership of a property. That's already six different scenarios, even before digging in to whether your mother has a will, or would die intestate (perhaps with other people ahead of you in any right to her estate), or has other assets or income that would support care costs. Anyone (ANYONE) who gives advice without asking questions first is almost certainly giving incomplete and likely incorrect advice. Please (PLEASE) don't take any action without seeing a properly qualified adviser (ideally a solicitor).

Wow, a lot of responses and things to think about. Thank you so much!
To answer a few questions... Yes she still lives there and has carers several times a day (vast majority of this cost is funded by social services - she makes a nominal contribution). I haven’t lived there in over twenty years and even since owning half I have never considered it to be ‘mine’ in any way. She has paid all the bills and upkeep. Her dementia is fairly advanced, although I haven’t actually seen her in nearly two years. Personally I think she should be in a care home at this point but social services dodge this question. Oh and I should point out that she is only in her early 60s so she might have years left!

As to why I want to get rid of my half… yes it’s partly because I want to ‘run away’ and I hate having any kind of responsibility towards her. The house is in a bit of a state. It’s not worth much anyway due to its location and it needs a LOT of work to be even vaguely sellable. As I said, I’ve never considered it to be ‘mine’ but I now realise that it was error to leave her to it as I’ve got no way of sorting any of the problems. I don't even have a key anymore! To be honest, even the thought of going inside to sort out her stuff can make me have a panic attack. I don’t know how on earth I would actually do it if she left or died.
I’m financially fine - I have a decent job and so don’t need the money the from the house; the thought of her having all the value to fund something decent maybe helps ease some of my guilt. I am aware that I actually have nothing to feel guilty about but 🤷‍♀️

I do have an employee assistance program so giving them a call for some legal advice is a good shout.

According to www.carehome.co.uk only your mother's share of the property will be taken into account. I'm assuming you are entitled to an equal 50% each. A sale might need to be forced if your mother goes into care but you will still get your half.

Please don't give up your half. It won't achieve anything except your mother will end up subsidising the state more than you're grandparents intended. You can relinquish your POA but that is a separate issue. Get legal advice!

Don’t give up your half of the house, your grandparents wanted you to have it. Can you buy her out of her half? Then the money will be in a pot to fund her care, she can go in a home, and you’ll be rid of her. Then sell the house and buy somewhere without the bad memories.

Honestly OP, even if you don't need the money, your grandparents wanted you to have it so if your mother needs to go into care, sell up, take your half and let her share go towards her fees.

If you have no sentimental attachment to anything in the house, you can pay a house clearance company to come and do the job for you. Explain you don't want to step inside and I am sure they will happily do what needs to be done. If the house is in a state of disrepair, sell it for a fair price as a 'doer upper' and then use your funds to invest into something beautiful that will enrich your life...'redeem' the past in a way. Or if you really want nothing to do with the cash, help to fund a small appropriate charity. That's what I'd do anyway!

Sorry you're going through this.

And a few more questions appeared while I was typing..! I don’t intend to do anything without proper advice but thought mumsnet is often a good sounding board for the sort of things that might be possible.
I am in England and I have lasting power of attorney (obtained when she was early into diagnosis and still had capacity) for finances and health. I’m not really involved in her care at all (I live 300 miles away for a start). I mostly just make sure the bills are paid. I frequently raise the question about a care home but social services dodge it every time. She actually has a pretty on the ball social worker but I think the issue is her age as she’s only 65. I am basically her only relative so there is no one else to inherit. I’ve not seen her will but I think I’m the only real beneficiary - there may be some small amounts of money left to other people.

You could put it up for auction after she dies and probate has been granted @Username9898 so not have to deal with upgrading it or visiting it.

I wouldn't be so keen to give away an asset even a cheapish one.

Sorry I should add (like others have!), you defo need good legal advice. I know nothing! 😂

You can't "put" anyone in a care home. They have to be assessed by social services so that they meet the criteria for admission.

It's up to your mum as long as she has capacity to decide about going into care

Even if she lacks capacity, since you don't have health and welfare LPA only financial it still won't be up to you. It would be a best interests decision in which her wishes and feelings weigh heavily. The social worker has to consult family but your wishes won't hugely come into it I'm afraid as you live far away and don't see her.

Social care do leave it as long as is safe which is partly about money but also it's what most dementia sufferers want and benefit from to be in their own homes.

I would give up the LPA, tell the social worker you no longer want any contact and go ahead and live your life. Then when she dies you will be notified and find out if you get anything from the house. The fact you own half does obligate you to clear it but, as others have said, just pay a company to do it.

Your gp wanted you to have half so

Sell it. Get half.

Other half will pay for your mums care costs

If it's alcohol related dementia and the person stops drinking they can actually remain in the same state for quite some time so you are right to think it may be many years yet BTW

Your grandparents wanted you to have half the house. Respect their wishes. That money you will eventually get can be used how you want - even if you hand it off to charity. You can still be no contact til she dies, and owning half the house won’t change that til her death.

I can understand why you don’t want to keep your half, your grandparents may have wanted you to have half but to put it bluntly they’re dead and what you want is more important now. If you want no ties and don’t need the money then see about giving up your interest in the house, don’t keep it like a millstone around your neck.

I’ve worked for a solicitors in the past and very occasionally we’d have cases come up like this.

Our advice would’ve probably have been give up POA, don’t give up your share of the house.

In my eyes, especially seeing as how your DM has been towards you then F that, she’d not be getting a share of something left to me by my grandparents. Your DM has presumably had her entire life to turn her alcoholism around but hasn’t done so.

A friend of mine has a similar issue, her dad developed alcohol related early dementia and is now in a home partly funded by all members of the family.

The legal advice through your company should generally be very good. My stepfather used the civil service legal advisory service when he worked there.

When she dies just put it up for auction as is. You don't even have to go there. A solicitor can deal with all her finances, put it up for auction, they'll need a small amount of paperwork from you and will send you some money. They'll obviously take a cut for the work but there's no point throwing money away.

the house doesn't tie you to her. you're tied by being her legal next of kin and POA. Give up POA 100%. Just tell anyone that asks you to get involved that you're non contact with her and they'll have to use other resources available. The house wouldn't change that.