Can I give up my share of a house?

[Username9898]

This is a bit long and complicated but I’ll try and summarise.

I own half of a house with my mum and have done for 20 odd years. The house previously belonged to my grandparents and my mum was meant to be gradually buying it off them. Long story short she was an alcoholic with mental health issues and they basically ended up putting it both our names to ‘protect’ me in the long run. I was only 19 at the time and didn’t really understand the implications of all this… Skip to now - she has dementia and I have power of attorney. I also have basically nothing to do with her - she was horribly abusive growing up and I have PTSD as a result. I want to give up my POA in the longer run, hand it all over to social services (they basically do everything now anyway) and be fully non-contact with her. BUT, I will still be tied via the house.
Is there a way I can just stop owning my half?! I’m happy to sign it over to her (I think this would be helpful for her - I think social services would be far more likely to sort her care out if she had the full value of the house to help fund it..) but she doesn’t really have capacity anymore. I just don’t know what can be done legally and wondered if anyone has any advice.

Is anyone else POA as well? Regardless of what you want to/ought to do, unfortunately you can’t make changes to property ownership if you’re POA (and they’ve lost capacity) and part owner - you can’t sign those sorts of documents as one owner and as the POA for other owner. It’s one reason why spouses often have each other and another person as POA - so the other POA can sign as the person who has lost capacity of a house move is needed in the event of losing capacity.

@sweetnessandlighter that poster says she "tried to get her to" as in tried to convince her - if she'd been using the POA illegally as you describe she would not have waited for her mother's consent.

Even if the donor has capacity and isn't subject to undue influence, it still isn't a valid use of a POA. A POA can only be used for the benefit of the donor. It can't validly be used to facilitate anything more than very modest gifting. Certainly can't be used to give away a house to the attorney's child.

With regard to your POA, is it for welfare or money or both? Contact the Office of Public Guardian who give free advice and legal help, it is a government body. Speak to your mothers care provider, is she needing care in the home or going into a care home? Do not let social services sell the home explain the situation regarding ownership and if your mother is going into a carehome then sell it,direct a solicitor to deal with the money and take your half (it was your GP’s wish). You can inherit £325,000 before paying inheritance tax. Get some legal advice or look up government sites for information. Good luck.

With regard to your POA, is it for welfare or money or both? Contact the Office of Public Guardian who give free advice and legal help, it is a government body. Speak to your mothers care provider, is she needing care in the home or going into a care home? Do not let social services sell the home explain the situation regarding ownership and if your mother is going into a carehome then sell it,direct a solicitor to deal with the money and take your half (it was your GP’s wish). You can inherit £325,000 before paying inheritance tax. Get some legal advice or look up government sites for information. Good luck.

I’d say legal advice asap. I think having PoA and potentially financially benefiting from a decision you make in her behalf could get you in a right pickle without really good legal advice. I understand your situation as I’ve recently ended contact with my Dad but I think you need to protect yourself legally big time.

I get where you are coming from but essentially no one can help you given there's various ownership structures and POAs.

One thing to do keep in mine is even if you forfeit the house now, she ay very well leave it to you and you may have to pay inheritance tax on it depending on the value. Taxman is the only one winning there.

a million if the mother was married at the time of his death and inherited all his assets, as an individual up to £500K, £325K NRB + £175K RNRB if passing to a child.

You can do it, but you cannot gain an undue advantage, if the daughter has POA she can sell the mothers share to herself or another party, but it has to be at full market value and the process overseen by a solicitor.

It would be foolish to rush into selling, agreeing to any agreements etc. without first consulting with a solicitor and seeing what the outcome of the LA's assessment is.

It may be the LA arrange care in the home, or that they disregard the home due to the split ownership - it is always best to let others play their hand first before offering anything.

Speak to a solicitor.

There's a lot of people here saying ditch the POA then sell the house. It may be easier to actually keep the POA until the house is sold, if your mother has lost mental capacity. Otherwise, to see her half of the house you'll need to go through the Court of Protection and get a deputy appointed to act on her behalf to allow the house to be sold to fund care. And if that's not in her best interests they may not do it.

I'd sell the house, put half in her bank account and keep half then turn POA over to SS. But speak to a solicitor to be sure on the smoothest way of doing things.

That's only if social services will be paying for it, I think. Social services criteria for admission means people stay at home long past when any sensible person would say they should go into a care home.

Why can't the care home accept her if she meets their criteria for being a suitable resident, including her ability to pay for it? I've known an old person go into a care home whilst his family, who were his carers, went on holiday for 2 weeks. He found it much better than living alone and isolated, albeit with with family care (he liked the social aspect) and requested to stay, so that's what happened.

As OP has POA for health and finances, if her mum is ok with going into a home or lacks capacity to make a decision either way, then it can be arranged. I don't think anyone could argue that a care home is an unsuitable place for someone with dementia, so OP wouldn't be breaking any rules regarding doing what's best for her mum if she organised her mum going into one.

OP social services won't agree with it until her situation is desperate and they have to, so it's no good asking them for their opinion. This is because they know that once her ability to self fund her care comes to an end, they're the ones going to be picking up the bill. So they'll try to suggest she stays as she is. That doesn't mean they have the final decision, they don't! You do, because you're the one with POA.

You've had some great responses. I'd just like to say I've worked in care in the community for years and sadly have worked with people like your mother. You're in a terrible situation but it sounds like you are dealing with it well. It's entirely possible to sign your power of attorney over to the appropriate people within local authority and it does sound like the best option for you. I've seen families cope in a lot of different ways when someone who was an addict/abusive gets older and starts to need help and I truly believe that keeping your distance, maintaining your boundaries and allowing trained professionals to handle the situation is the healthiest and safest all round. Don't sign away your share of the house though. Auction it off as is when she no longer needs it and put your half towards your kids future considering it a gift to them from your grandparents.

already had loads of great advice but please speak to a solicitor, as others have said your POA is a completely separate issue to you owning half the house, it may even help the social services to know you'd be willing to facilitate selling the house and putting her half in a bank account towards her care costs but you own the other half from what you've said so this is not related essentially to the POA on your Mum's assets. Yes you may be responsible for some tax but that's tax on money you're receiving so you'll be left with a significant sum I'm guessing and if you really don't want it then donate it to charity or something but just maybe its time to consider what your grandparents wanted for YOU and YOUR future and not just your Mum's?

Maybe you're right. In Scotland the personal care element is free after being assessed for home care or residential care. The OP needs to seek professional advice.

do not give up your half of the house, however fed up you are with your mum.

Social Services would still assess OPs mum for whether she needs to be in a care home before they started paying for it. But since at that point OPs mum would already be in a care home (if OP were to organise this) when her money ran out and as she has dementia, they're not going to decide to pull her out of there and put her in homeless accommodation while they wait for a council flat to become free, just so that they can return to giving her the cheaper option of 4x carer visits per day. Because that would be the alternative accommodation situation and it wouldn't be in her best interests.

OP if you do decide to use your POA in this way before giving it up, all you need to do is contact care homes in your mum's area, visit some, pick one you like and that has a vacancy, and arrange with them for her to move in there. If she has no savings at all, you'd best explain to them about not getting paid until the house is sold, to check that is ok. You inform her social worker it's happening. Beyond checking that what you're doing doesn't constitute an abuse of her (which putting her in a care home where she needs to be, doesn't) there's nothing they can say against it and will have to agree, because it's not them paying so they can't object on those grounds.

[We moved a relative who was in an unsuitable care home (chosen by social services because it was the one closest and with a vacancy at the time) on discharge from hospital, into a nicer one where relative wasn't upset all the time. Social Services had no choice but o agree because relatives needs were being met and that was all that matters. My mum did something similar for my nan, moving her to a care home closer to herself so she could visit more often. Nan was previously in a care home in the area she lived, which was some distance away from my mum. You seem to think it's all down to social services and don't seem to realise the power you have.]

Then sell the house as quickly as you legally can (someone mentioned upthread about there being some legal issues to sort out what with you being both POA for your mum and co-owner of the house), at auction maybe, to release your mum's share of funds as well as your own share. I imagine care homes will be used to this type of situation where the money is tied up in an asset. Or maybe you do the house sale part first and when a buyer is found then your mum moves out to the care home? You'll have to get legal advice on it.

I beg to differ. As LPA you can sell the property if the donor has lost the capacity to make that decision for themselves. You must have made every effort to include them in the decision and you must not benefit financially yourself. In this case that would mean not taking more of the profit from the sale than you’re entitled to.

Depending on her health, I agree alcoholics can die younger. My own dad died unexpectedly at 50 and a close friend of DB’s who was an alcoholic most of his life sadly died at 49.

OP what value is the house? I really think you should sell the house and keep half the money. It’s what your grandparents wanted for very good reason. If your mum runs out of money then the state will pay for her care. There is no point in giving her the other half just for it to be taken for care home fees. You deserve to be compensated for the trauma you have lived through. Please don’t make a rash decision you would likely regret. Give up POA as I can understand you want to cut ties. You owe your mum absolutely nothing. Sounds awful to say but I have experience of abusive alcoholics and you deserve to be free. Please please get a free discovery call with a solicitor for support. X

Please don't give up your share of the house. Or rather please take proper legal advice before you do. Especially of how abusive your mum was, all the more reason why you should keep this house. I'm sure your grandparents would want this for you.

Yeah they’re not just going to be able to give mums half on the house to themselves when she is is receipt of adult social care services.

adult social worker here -that would at best be deprivation of assets, at worst a safeguarding for financial abuse.

OP you can sell the house and if mum has also lost capacity regarding her care needs you can place her in a care home. The money from her half would render her a self funder. I would ask her social worker to do a capacity assessment regarding mums care and support needs. Then get legal advice re the selling the property and appointing a private deputy. This deputyship would cost some of mums money to obtain and manage going forward, but would ensure an independent person was managing her finances and resolve yourself of the involvement.

from there on the deputy, care home and adult social care could deal with mums care together.