Can I give up my share of a house?

[Username9898]

This is a bit long and complicated but I’ll try and summarise.

I own half of a house with my mum and have done for 20 odd years. The house previously belonged to my grandparents and my mum was meant to be gradually buying it off them. Long story short she was an alcoholic with mental health issues and they basically ended up putting it both our names to ‘protect’ me in the long run. I was only 19 at the time and didn’t really understand the implications of all this… Skip to now - she has dementia and I have power of attorney. I also have basically nothing to do with her - she was horribly abusive growing up and I have PTSD as a result. I want to give up my POA in the longer run, hand it all over to social services (they basically do everything now anyway) and be fully non-contact with her. BUT, I will still be tied via the house.
Is there a way I can just stop owning my half?! I’m happy to sign it over to her (I think this would be helpful for her - I think social services would be far more likely to sort her care out if she had the full value of the house to help fund it..) but she doesn’t really have capacity anymore. I just don’t know what can be done legally and wondered if anyone has any advice.

Are you tenants in common or joint tenants?, it is quite likely that you owning a portion will prevent SS taking any of the homes value for care fees.

You will then get at least your share when your mum passes.

Unless you live there or your mum pays rent on your share the value of your share will be included in you mums estate for IHT purposes as she has a beneficial interest.

But don't give away a share in a house!!!

My mother and I jointly owned a house with no mortgage. I wanted to buy a place with my DH so we signed some documents and everything went to her. I can't remember what they were, but it was painless.

Probably best to talk to a solicitor.

Thank you all so much for the responses and the kindness! I feel such shame about my mum and in real life certain people have made me feel really terrible for distancing myself from her. Yet a bunch of strangers have managed to ‘get it’ and been so nice to me.

It’s hard - I want the best for her, she’s my mum and she has occasionally been a decent one. She actually managed to get sober in the end but sadly it was too little, too late and the damage to our relationship was done. I have my own family now and the older my kids get, I just can’t reconcile how she treated me the way she did. I know alcoholism is a disease blah blah but when you’re a kid around it… she never chose me, she only ever chose to have another drink…

I will speak to her social worker about handing over the POA to them. I have blind panic whenever a bank statement arrives through the post - I don’t even open some of them - so it’s not like I’m even doing a good job of it. I guess I will keep the house share, though as @SoupChicken said, it does feel like a millstone at times. but maybe when that is the only tie between us, it will be one I can put down.

They can put a charge on it.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I can understand you wanting to cut ties to move on. But you need legal advice.

Please don't give up half the house. Your DGPs were trying to protect you. You could maybe sell it and then you each have half? But you need proper advice.

Surely if you are her only relative and she has made a will largely in your favour then you will inherit the house whether you relinquish your share to her or not.

She cannot change the will now or in the future if she doesn't have capacity anyway.

Go with moving POA over to SS, keep your share of the house for now. If your mother ends up in care, then sell the house at auction as seen (others have mentioned this too). SS will use your mother's share for her care.

Despite all your troubles, you sound quite a caring person who wants to do the right thing in the end. Best of luck to you.

Don't give up your half. The council will have to clear and sell it when your mother dies to clear the charge for care fees and to recover their money, but they will have to account to you for your half. So sit back and wait for the cheque.

Sorry to hear that some people have not been understanding in real life. You honestly have nothing to feel terrible about. You needed to distance yourself for the sake of your mental health. Please continue to look after yourself and don’t let any negative comments get to you. People making them are showing a lack of empathy for what you have experienced as a child and young adult.

There are potentially large CGT implications of signing over half a house especially with price rises over a long period. Do you want a massive tax bill? I don’t know if it’s applicable but do get professional advice.

You can give up your half with a transfer of equity, but if there's a mortgage your mum will need to prove she can pay for it.

If no mortgage, then a conveyancing solicitor is required. I'm not sure the ins and outs though.

You'd be crazy to give up your half of the house!

I also was a child with an alcoholic parent.

Get your business head on.

Your half will be thousands of pounds, which you can pass to your children if you don't want it. This isn't the time let your emotions get the better of you.

You aren't that child anymore. You're an adult and a mother, and that money will come in very handy, plus your grandparents wanted you to have it.

I mean all of this kindly.

It’s good your mother eventually gave up the drink but as you say too little too late.

I’m probably slightly biased as my own father was an alcoholic most of his adult life apart from 15 years where he was apparently “dry” but when him and my step-mum divorced (she got the house despite him working all his life and her hardly working at all) he’d also had his father die too and he went into a downwards spiral.

It can be very hard to deal with an alcoholic though. Especially if they’re emotionally manipulative. I’ve had the emotional wrangles with my dad but luckily didn’t really live with him apart from the first 4-5 years of my life. I think people without addictive parents don’t really realise the emotional damage they can do.

The one thing I wish my dad had had access to when he was alive was the AA method where you’re allowed a drink occasionally, as I think personally this would’ve worked with him better and maybe even saved his marriage with my mum.

In your case OP, yes it sounds a good idea to hand your POA over to social services but I’d double and triple check with your employers legal advice and even if necessary with another solicitor to work out what’s best to be done overall.

The house share depending on what you do with it, you could buy out whoever has the other share, do it up, rent it out, keep for your DC or simply sell it. But definitely don’t give up your share simply to fund your DM’s care as that’s not what your grandparents would’ve wanted it seems. And make this very clear to the relevant authorities and legal people.

Well said! 👏👍

Agree with others - give up POA & retain your share of the house. Inform Social Services that you are taking zero responsibility for her well being & they will have to arrange her being sectioned for her own safety.
Once wheels are in motion it will be a lot easier than you think. Court order needs to be put in place and once house is sold her half will go towards funding her care, if that runs out then local authority will continue to fund.
Easiest way is to engage a solicitor to get the appropriate order and handle the sale, they will then divest the costs / funds as appropriate.
Apologies if this sounds brutal but personal experience is being nice won’t change things & the emotional thumb screws will be applied you have to make it their problem to fix.

Nope, they can't, a charge as used by local authorities (called a DPA) cannot be placed without the consent of all the owners of property. Unless they get all the owners signatures on a DPA agreement it is difficult, though not impossible for them to do.

Your grandparents wanted to protect your inheritance, they wanted you to have a share of the house so don't walk away from that. That seems senseless. The POA is a completely separate issue. You can hand that over to SS.
Can't you put the house up for sale then half of the proceeds will go to fund your mum's care and you keep.the other half.
In your position I would talk to a solicitor who had experience in these sort of cases

I would hand over the POA to SS bet retain the share of the house, under no circumstances sign a DPA (Deferred Payment Agreement) without first speaking to a solicitor.

Without a DPA the local authority cannot (under the standard Care Act system) put a charge on your mums half.

At this point they are a bit buggered, because the cannot place a charge for an unknown sum of money, and they need a court to order the charge, and they need to know what the charge amounts to, which they can't know.

Our LA (whose procedures I know well) would disregard the property at this point (assuming its an average house), because their legal fees would outweigh the gain too much.

Then when your mum passes the house will pass according to the will, the LA could raise an invoice against the estate, but you will be free to sell the house and settle any estate debts at your speed rather than theirs.

Bear in mind that (assuming you don't live there and mum doesn't pay rent) the value of your share is counted as her estate for IHT as she is seen as the beneficial owner whilst you are the legal owner.

Good job you didn't do that, @boredybored. You can't validly use a POA to hand out the donor's assets to other people! It's a major breach of your duties and is arguably a criminal offence. So what if your mum's assets get used to fund her care - better that than expecting the taxpayer to stump up when she has multiple properties.

Yeah. So she sells it to herself, or waits for mom to croak and then she gets the house.

I did mention using the funds to fund moms care. And the point about others that would be included in the will…

And I asked about being American, and funding care… because I live in a country where we care for our sick and poor and elderly, heck even our healthy and immigrants and tourists!! So we would take care of finances separately. Yay me!

Sucks if you have to pay for a sick abusive parent, just a last form of abuse to endure - financial!

I work in conveyancing. If the property I'd mortgage free then usually I'd say yes, you can transfer your share to your mum with a simple TR1, but as your mum doesn't have capacity to sign the TR1 herself and presumably doesn't have another attorney to sign for her that complicates matters.

I think a private client/trusts and estates practicioner would be the best placed to advise

If you have home insurance- check if it includes legal assistance as there is usually a free legal advice helpline

She might have less time left than you think if she has a history of alcoholicism plus dementia I’ve seen people die late 50’s/early 60’s from that.

It takes money to start a new life though without your mums care worrying you and you can’t guarantee you won’t need the cash so do take your half.

Ah now i thought for the disregard to take place the other person had to be living in the house. Otherwise they can force a sale. So I was wrong on the charge thing, that applies in different circumstances.

Put her in a home then she'll be sober, you can't do this yourself. Sell the house, keep your half the rest can keep your mother