What can I expect from court please ??

[Ellarose23]

This might be long so apologies in advance 🫠
my dd just turned 4 months old . I did 50/50 with her dad a couple months ago due to feeling pressured into doing so . The days he came to see her when he didn’t have her at his house he was noticeably high , and stinks of cigarettes.
I started getting concerned because he was smoking cannabis when she was there , said he left her with his mum so thought okay fine she’s safe with her .
until he told me he brought dd in to his mums room while she was half asleep and she slept with my dd in her bed WHILE SHE WAS SLEEPING! I don’t even put my dd in my bed unless I’m fully awake and she doesn’t sleep there , so why on earth would his mum do that . She was even giving her gripe water FOR REFLUX ???!!! when I said I didn’t want her having it .
he also took dd to his friends house who smokes cannabis in his kitchen in his words “for not even 10 mins” even tho on text he told me he only smokes weed when he’s with this guy .
so after all that I reduced contact and said he can have her every other weekend (I wanted to stop completely. But I actually thought he was gonna call police on me cause he’s on birth certificate) he and his mum then said no they’re getting a solicitor on me and won’t see dd till it’s sorted .
I then went to a solicitor and she said I can stop contact so that’s what I did . Dd dad then text me saying he had a talk with his solicitor and thinks we should make an arrangement ourselves so he said he’ll take her every other weekend but can’t pay me any money cause he quit his job. I already said my solicitor will be in contact and that was that . Now my solicitor rang me today to say he responded to the letter by going to a solicitor and they’re meeting with him tomorrow to discuss the letter my solicitor sent to him, so I’m guessing the whole him going to a solicitor was just a threat. Social services were involved as he made threats to me when I was pregnant
my solicitor said in the letter he has to pass a hair follicle test . I’m just wondering , when he takes me to court how does it work ? Will his solicitor ask me questions ? (I’m quite sensitive and anxious so I feel like I will fumble my words and start looking like I’m lying or not being truthful) or do the solicitors talk on our behalf ? Will they use it against me that I handed her 50/50 before hand ? Will they grant him overnights because she’s already stayed there before ? Any advice is appreciated. My solicitor was in such a hurry due to going to court for something else that I couldn’t ask her all my questions . Tia

Also, he only wants 50/50 so he doesn’t have to pay me any money for dd. His mum buys nappies milk etc . He probably spends his money on weed or paying back money he owes when he gets smoke and can’t pay it there and then. I’ve applied for child maintenance but because he’s probably receiving uc I probably won’t get much . It’s a joke he’s paid absolutely nothing for her . I’ve bought her all her clothes , nappies essentials etc , new cot , and anything else she needs but it’s hard alone

custody is about the babies best interests.
50:50 with a newborn isn’t appropriate. They need to be with their primary caregiver and their attachment to their primary caregiver is vitality important for them. It affects their ability to form relationships with others.
50:50 can be worked up to if it’s suitable for the child but not from birth. Do not be bullied here. Ex hasn’t a clue about babies best interests if what you've told us here about his behavior is true.
Going through Courts takes time. Baby will be older before any arrangement is determined.
I would let him see baby little, but often. For example start with an hour with you present, he needs guidance as to what is safe and appropriate. Slowly slowly build that up.

The court will order either the local authority or Cafcass do complete an assessment and file a section 7 report due to the safeguarding concerns with recommendations for safe contact. This will take 3-4 months and they may order supervised contact in the interim. You do not have to agree to anything until you get to court and do not have to hand your baby over to him until you are ordered to by a court - who will be very concerned about the safety of your baby with her father.

Everything I’ve said is true and comes with proof .
The solicitor has said about a resident order but he has to agree to it and I don’t think he will . Il find out tomorrow or Monday if he agreed to the order. But I doubt he agreed !
he will not see baby with me present . He can’t be civil to me for baby’s sake which is sad really

With him having a solicitor , does it increase his chances of winning the case ? I always get scared by solicitors

Its not a case of winning or losing - its about the court considering the professional social work assessments (cafcass or local authroity) and deciding what is best for your daughter after considering the evidence they are presented with. You both will have the opportunity to respond in writing to the reports which will be detailed and will have made safeguarding checks, and spoken to other agencies - eg health visitor, GP, drug agencies etc.

Until he makes the application to court and you have the fist hearing - don't worry about it, and don't agree to any contact. And remember solicitors are just people - nothing to be scared of, although if your anxiety is high then it may be worth speaking to your own GP.

i have a feeling that his solicitor will pull up my mental health record . I was hospitalised for an eating disorder and self harm when I was younger . I’m in remission completely and haven’t self harmed in years but I’m currently in therapy for anxiety . will they bring this up in court ?

I appreciate all the advice and yes I will ask my solicitor everything I need to ask when she’s free to speak to :)

Yes most likely - but the court will only be interested in how that impacts your parenting, therpay will be seen as a positive step to keep yourself well.

Also I have ocd . I’m really anxious if anyone looks after my child differently than how I do. I’d be more risk assessing constantly and always making sure my dd is comfortable etc. Where as if dd had a a cough (she’s got bronchiolitis right now) he’d be careless and just say “it’s just a cough she’s fine” he wouldnt even know anything about checking her breathing etc so I get anxious when she’s there so I’m glad she’s sick in my care and not his

How can they prove it’s impacting my parenting ? (It’s not , if anything I’m really overprotective and my anxiety is due to her dad and her being away from me)

As said before there will be an assessment and all this will be explored.

From my understanding, if your in remission and can prove the treatments or a GP letter stating recovery, no issue, past treatment it will go in your favour as you've proven yourself to acquire help when needed and dealt with issues.

You most likely will not even need a psych evaluation with a doctors note and no action needed...

Whereas he is not exactly looking mentally stable in comparison..so he can try and use your past but will most likely backfire.