Nuisance/bullying from neighbours and their visitors

[Mili56789]

Firstly I am a total newbie here so not sure if posted in the right place and this might sound petty to some, but it's impacting my mental health causing me extreme anxiety and a disturbance to my family.
I will set the scene a little, I live in a small private road/drive leading off of a cul de sac about half way up. There are three houses on the private road with each house owning the portion directly in front of each house. My house is the first and so both direct neighbours have right of way over my road, however my issue is not with these neighbours (both quiet elderly couples), rather it is with the ones on the main trunk who have streams of guests/builders/deliveries who keep using my part of the road/drive to turn instead of driving 20 meters further where there is an actual turning point.
The maintenance costs for the shared road/drive is split between the three houses only and due to the excessive daily use we are seeing damage to drain covers, pot holes appearing and damaged front gardens where all the vehicles keep going. We know it's not so much the vehicles of the 3 three houses because my direct neighbours don't drive much and rarely have guests also the position of the damage.

I WFH part of the week and like most people these days have cameras outside my home and see at least 20 vehicles turning and hear the annoying reversing sound from vans about 2 meters away from my window. I have tried to approach the neighbours on the main part politely to remind their visitors, but they are always very hostile towards us and act like they are entitled to use the private road. We are a quiet family and keep ourselves to ourselves and dislike confrontation, but I will stand up for ourselves when I need to. We have encountered xenophobic bullying from neighbours, who think because you have foreign origins you are automatically below them or something here despite growing up in the UK and has gotten worse since dare I say it "Brexit".

The other houses should have been aware when they purchased their properties that the road is not included for them and can see the private road is separate from the public highway with the surface being different. We have a private road sign no turning... completely ignored 😱.

Basically we have a few bully type neighbours and do it on purpose and will stop outside my house with loud engine or music on or lights blazing in front room, short of putting in a gate (which we are not keen on) is there any we can do!? It is a total nuisance and our property is being damaged, we have tried to be nice but getting no where.
Some of the other neighbours have told their visitors and they now turn in the right place and understand our frustration, whilst the others don't care one bit and seems like they are trying to force us to leave.
I sent complaint emails to some of the company vans when I could get their number plate and showed them footage, this took a few years to get sorted and letters threatening legal action if the harassment/nuisance did not stop.
I've contacted the local council and their highways if they could help, that fell on deaf ears... I also had to contact the local police for one neighbour and they were spoken to after making it their life's work to shout four letter words at me and have every builder friend they knew drive their vans almost into my frony door for weeks on end.
I am so sick and tired of having to deal with this, and yes simple answer would be to move somewhere else, but why should we give in? Why do some people feel they can do whatever they want to cause misery to other's. If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure they would feel the same. We worked hard to have what we have and don't expect it to be trampled over, we are always courteous of others, but it's not reciprocated.

And not to quote the Beetles, but HELP!

Any solution for the verbal abuse? We just ignore it, but what do you say to your 5yr old when they ask why does that person keep calling you c### your name is mummy? My child doesn't fully repeat the word thank goodness!
I would report this every single time. It is aggressive harassment, especially with a minor present. Report, report, report. He is making your life hell, make his hell too.

Potentially I would explain that the man has mental health issues, and sometimes people shout things out without knowing they are doing it. It's not the whole truth but he sounds unhinged.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with others, a gate is the best solution.

As regards the bullying / verbal abuse, it is potentially a criminal offence, and from what you say in your first post, could be regarded as a hate crime. I would suggest keeping a journal to record incidents, and report to the police making clear that it is a pattern of behaviour, not a one off. The risk is that it escalates further, but equally, it may escalate if you don't report it.

I've been documenting this since 2021 with a diary of incidents and some cctv recordings without sound. The local police did not take anything we said seriously at first. After a few more serious incidents which we classed as harassment they visited some neighbours and gave them polite words of advice about their behaviour, only one has taken it on board to stop.. as for the others the saga goes on.
You cannot believe how much of a relief it was with just one household less acting this way.

As for being a hate crime, the police here tend to shun it when you are white Southern European, for some reason xenophobia doesn't fall into the category of race, religion, sexual orientation, disability or sex which they use to determine a hate crime.

The gate would help with the vehicles, but we have to drive through the main part every day and usually there are some of the horrible neighbour brigade outside. We used to enjoy the gardening in the front of our home, but it was becoming unbearable to be outside so we now use a gardener for the this part.
It's not a nice feeling when you don't enjoy stepping outside your home.

Again I know on the grand scale of things this sounds petty, but we would just like to live peacefully - why is it hard for people not to be nasty for the sake of it?

It doesn't sound petty at all @Mili56789 , it sounds awful. Even if it isn't technically a hate crime, it is still a form of abuse which the police should take seriously if you have the evidence. Don't give up, just keep recording and reporting it.

I don't understand why people have to be so nasty, either. Probably a combination of boredom and lack of intelligence.

Could you get a single retractable bollard in the middle of the entrance (that sinks down into the ground) so when it's down it doesn't spoil the view but when it's up it makes it impossible to drive either side of?

It would be expensive for a remote controlled one, but possibly worth it in what you'd save in road repairs.

It would also give you the option of accidentally raising it when a bully neighbour drives over, ruining the bottom of their car, they can't object because they shouldn't have been driving on private land and it may make them think twice before driving over it again.

@Mili56789 You live on a private road. That means it’s not adopted by the local highways authority. Therefore you can put a gate up to protect the road. It’s by far the best solution and the cheapest. It’s used widely on gated estates. Do remember that you might want deliveries so the best solution might be two gates that meet in the middle so, when opened up, are wider. As it’s a faff to open them, most drivers won’t bother.

I would be wary of other solutions. You cannot afford to damage vehicles that are permitted to visit you. You can have a pedestrian gate too.

I am sure the police don’t care. So do what you can to protect your road and what you own.

You called Police because someone called you a mean name? And because vehicles turned round on 'your' part of a road?!?
Jesus f Christ

Just check the gate doesn't need planning permission.

Near me someone who is famous and their neighbours put in a large electric gate without planning permission. They were made to remove it due to issues with fire safety and refuse collection.

Another person who is famous got planning permission to put in an electric gate but they can't actually put one in, simply as while the road is private the place that they want to put the gate is owned by someone else.

However about a mile away some other people from a different council, managed to put in a "gate" that was accepted by everyone. The difference was theirs is a wooden one like white picket fencing that simply narrows the road and allows a single car through. It can be manually opened to allow larger vehicles in. They also use rocks, planters and logs for their front gardens. The rocks and planters are the most effective.

That’s the risk you take but still - bollards.

No because they made unwarranted threats of violence along with verbal abuse and were inciting harassment.

Try putting yourself in the situation and see how you would feel having vans purposely driven at you trying to intimidate you.
I was always taught to be respectful of others and other people's things, like most people.

Whilst I am not made of steel, that old saying about sticks and stones is completely untrue. Being called profanities is mentally draining.

There are a few covenants about leaving it open plan or max height of 1m frontage between boundaries which have been ignored by a some houses so could always use that as a precedence, 99% certain someone would kick up a fuss if we put a gate in, even with it being slightly offset from the road.
Councils make up thr rules as they go...

A half farm gate type thing to block most of the road that can be opened if extra space is needed would probably suit the area, but there would still be enough space for vehicles. The entrance is stupidly wide like a funnel shape.

Kindly, you need to minimise the importance of this issue in your life or you will go mad. Stop talking and start doing. Try to rebuild, brick by brick relationships with your neighbours. What’s happening at the moment is taking up too much space in your life.

@LonelynSad What do you not understand about “private road”? It’s not a public road for others to use. Just the houses that pay for its upkeep.

@Tittiesthattouchmytors Most of us cannot ignore foul mouthed neighbours and willful misuse of our property. Maybe you can. I think the people on the private road need to make it private. A 1m high gate is a deterrent.

A gate is the most obvious option.

Ultimately, you need to make it a less attractive option for turning. Consider landscaping the ‘funnel’ you mentioned. It is less likely to be used if it is long and narrow.

It sounds like people can drive straight up and then turn. There are less likely to drive around a chicane. Can you use boulders or plants to create a chicane?

Alternatively, just narrow the entrance with boulders or plants so that ordinary cars can drive through but wider trucks can’t.

Would a chain hooked onto a post across the whole opening? Most drivers wouldn't bother to start removing it in order to turn round in your road. You could attach a sign to the middle.

Most delivery drivers would have your number to call.

Any emergency vehicles would unhook the chain or even drive through it.

It would be good to get one that looked heavyweight but actually wasn't. Hollow aluminium chain if such a thing exists. You could loop some lengths of florescent material on it too, for when it's dark.

@Mili56789 with the gate, seems like you may need to take the chance and try it, rather than presuming it wont work due to x,y,z etc

There are a few covenants about leaving it open plan or max height of 1m frontage between boundaries which have been ignored by a some houses

The white picket fence type gate that I gave an example of is about 1 metre in height. I suspect as there are some lawyers who live on the road, they went through the covenants and looked at fire safety regulations to ensure the solution they came up the council couldn't make them take it down. (There are similar gates on some of the newer private roads in my area but they were build with them. )

The barrier just needs to be heigh enough to damage most vehicles.

Private roads are annoying. Obviously people are going to use it to turn around in rather than driving further, because it really won't seem like that big of a deal, and honestly, it really isn't. You talk about cars outside as though that's some major headache, when most people live on roads where hundreds of cars pass every day and it doesn't bother them. I think you're over-egging the wear and tear aspect too. If you start arguing that your non-private neighbours are costing a lot more for manhole covers, you'll really get people's backs up, some laughing at you and sadly some nastier people showing their teeth.

I completely see that it's now a problem because of how it's escalated, but if only you could turn back the clock and not have made an issue of it. It's not like it's in your driveway, and even then, people do use other people's driveways to make a turn in the road now and then and it's fine. Unfortunately, you've made this an issue and it's got out of control, but the bottom line is still that people using your special bit of road is no biggie. Try the gate/bollard solutions suggested, but otherwise I'd seriously de-escalate if at all possible and stop giving it any headspace. It's just a road, not worth going to war over.