My partner watches CSAM. I'm away temporarily. Now what? (trigger warning - child sexual abuse)

[Namedchangedlegaladvice]

I wrote about this a couple months ago but can't access my old account anymore.
My partner was arrested over a year ago for possession of indecent images of children (I caught him and reported him). He admitted to me to watching kids as young as infants. We have a little boy together.
The police officer in charge of his case told me that they couldn't find anything incriminating on his devices and that he would probably be found innocent, and that if that was the case, he could apply for custody and get unsupervised custody of our son if I decided to leave. So I decided to stay while he was being investigated and supervise our son.
A couple of months ago we found out he was realised without further charges. I was distraught because it meant I was stuck.

A couple of weeks later I caught him on CSAM again.
This time I recorded him, I got two video confessions from him and two audio ones.
(I also have a video promise from him that he wouldn't go for unsupervised custody if he watched CSAM again, if that is worth anything at all)

I tried to go to a refuge but didn't manage to. So instead I left on holidays to my home country.
My son and I are now away from him temporarily.
What do I do now? Do I have to go back to the UK?

Thank you so much

Well, technically you have abducted your child but it really depends if you've gone to a country that doesn't have Hague Convention rules I imagine.
Will he pursue trying to get you and your child back do you think?
You really need advice from the police and possibly a solicitor tbh.

Your partner sounds abhorrent

If you want to stay then stay where you are. Make multiple backups of all the evidence, email it to yourself, email it to family and a friend, so you can use it if required.

It might end up in court but likely not. If he knows this will come out then I doubt he’s going to push that into a court of law.

Sorry you are going through this. You have done the right thing.

He's given me a written permission to stay at my family for 10 days there so he knows I've left.
I'm just wondering if there is any way I could apply for a relocating order in that short amount of time

I am getting in touch with solicitors on the legal aid government website

report Him to the police immediately. Also provide them with your recordings

Thank you for your comforting words and your advice
I've sent the evidence to many email addresses and to my drop box
He's admitting to the age of the kids as well and the categories of the images (A,B,C and 1 to 5 - he has pictures of the worst categories)

I've reported him to the police the first time around and they couldn't find anything incriminating even though he partially admitted to what he'd been doing (he said 16 years old instead of young children)
I had to pretend to be on his side and help him get better so he wouldn't apply for unsupervised custody

I'm really worried that if I do it this time around again he will 100% know I'm not on his side and then do his best to get custody of our son,
I want to make sure my recordings have a legal value first and that they won't dismiss them.

I don't trust his family to supervise either.

His mum said most men watched child sexual abuse material
and his siblings said they would allow him unsupervised with their own children no problem

I'd send it all to the police to be honest. It'll save you and maybe others heartache or worse along the way. This is who he is. I'd worry that if it came out that you knew and didn't do anything it won't end well.

As it is now, you've found out and you've removed your child so very clearly done the safest thing. Now is the time to hand a copy of all the evidence to the police.

If you can contact the officers involved the first time round and see what they say. If you don't get the response you want look for someone / branch more responsive.

Oh this is horrible. If I were in your shoes, I'd stay where I was, and let him take legal action against you for access to the child (poor child).

Good on you for trying to protect your child. Stay where you are if you can. You have good reason to, if not a legal right to do so at the moment.

Try contact a lawyer dealing with such issues here in UK (if that's where you normally reside).

God I'm so sorry, that must have been horrific for you.
I'd contact the police and send them what you have - they might not be able to use it but it is further evidence for them and every bit counts.
Vile vile monster.

Following. Sorry you're having to go through this 💐

That sounds so stressful- I think that you’re treading a very difficult line really well.

In your position I would email the evidence to the police asap.

Whilst you’re safe in your home country I would suggest to him that you stay there to “keep the children protected from the investigation “ and get them enrolled into school, clubs, life etc so that you can show that they’re settled in your home country if he does ask for custody of any kind.

Id allow him regular supervised zoom chats, on a fixed schedule so that you can demonstrate that you’re supporting safe contact.

Id also try and get some evidence from social services that they don’t think that unsupervised contact is recommended.

Thank you all for your replies.

It seems I won't be eligible for financial aid as there is no on going domestic abuse. I will try to find an alternative.

I have emailed the NSPCC, waiting for them to get back to me.

I will speak to a lawyer for an initial consultation and then forward the NSPCC the evidence

Thank you for your kind words.

The first time it happened I wasn't coping well at all! I was in early labour with our son and the stress caused him to be in distress so doctors had to deliver him in an emergency.

Those are all great idea! I will try to do that.

The only thing is it won't be amicable as he is not out on investigation anymore so he will know I'm not trying to shield them from the police situation.

I would sit tight where you are at the moment. If there's no reason to come back then don't. It would be up to him to apply for a prohibited steps order to bring you back. Is that likely?

That sounds horrifically stressful- your children are lucky to have such a supportive mum.

I think that it is likely that he’ll be under investigation again once you send the second lot of evidence through.

But, in some ways it doesn’t massively matter whether he believes that’s your real reason for keeping them abroad, or whether he is angry.

You just need a clear reason which you can put to him in writing which isn’t saying never having contact (although I’m sure that’s your aim) but which is saying not now in order to delay any attempts to take you through the courts until the police investigation is concluded.

Actually, thinking about it another excuse (you’re feeling poorly etc?) until you see if the police begin a second investigation. And then the excuse of protecting the kids from the investigation could work?

www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/ report here

Play for time.

If you would be happy staying in your own country then stay.

I'd suggest that your kid is ill.

Investigate the legal processes that he would have to use to try to get your child back.

If necessary tell him that you have evidence of him possessing and watching illegal child porn and that in return for him not seeing your child ever again you won't post it all over Facebook/go to the papers/tell his employer etc.

Save that one until last.

What i dont understand is what he thought you were going to di with the recordings of him? I cant imagine that it would surprise him that you would go to the police again?

Have you discussed with him that theres a correlation between people who watch CSAM and who actually commit these crimes in real life? What are his thoughts about his own risk to the children you share? Im just thinking, if he has the insight to realise that his children are at risk from him, he could well decide to keep away.

Im absolutely disgusted there is such a lack of support for you to remove your children from him, he partially admitted it to the police, hes admitted to you on video the ages and ratings of the sick material hes been watching. He cant even say he didnt know, or it was accidental.

im so sorry, i hope you find a way forward for you and your child.

I was just thinking... if you stay where you are for now, and he does initiate legal action to get the child back, surely the police in the country you are in, if presented with the evidence you have would liaise with UK police on the matter. Interpol or similar, as there may be a ring of such people involved.

If it came to a court case for access, (I'm not sure if that would be in UK or your country) then surely the evidence you have would not help his case. I can't believe any jurisdiction (or your own where you are now) would return a child to a paedophile.

But the law is an ass. However, I'd suggest getting legal advice in your own country also.

I have no idea to be honest.

I have, we have had so many conversations. He tried therapy, wasn't consistent at all. It didn't help in any capacity.

The moment he found out he got away with it he started watching it again, the first occasion he got.

He says it's all a fantasy and that he would never do it in real life. He says he thought he could be a pedophile but then came to the conclusion he wasn't.
I caught him looking up forum threads with titles like "I think I'm attracted to little boys" though.

He says what he finds alluring is the position of authority of a parent over a child.

His mother said what???!!! Her comment makes me wonder if there was something going on in his own childhood at home if HIS OWN MOTHER is so complacent about it.

Yes @NancyPickford I wondered if maybe it's something she's come across before -
Maybe his DF or she already knew and is telling herself that to square it mentally.

Im so sorry that you are going through this, I cant even start to imagine.

Im sorry, I have lots of questions, but im hoping that maybe asking questions can help you get help.

Another question I have, is in cases where social services are involved, they can sometimes access medical records, I assume that they could potentially get into contact with whoever he was having therapy with to seek disclosure of what he was discussing as the therapy was linked to his perversions... but then that leads to a whole other set of questions, do you think that he was honest with his therapist when he did go? because I thought that they would need to disclose if there was anyone at risk because of anything that has been disclosed during session. Despite him saying that he isnt a risk, i dont think anyone is stupid enough to not think he is.

Have you contacted the officers who dealt with his previous case to see if theres anything that they can do?

Were SS involved during the investigation?

I thought the same too.
He is adamant no sexual abuse has ever happened to him.

He did admit one day however that if people had seen the relationship he had with his mum a few years before I met him they would have thought it was very unhealthy and bordering on weird.