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Original poster

Is this a good enough reason not to go to court for child arrangements

83 replies

Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 21:46

What is a reason not to go to court? I have recently lost both patents, and I am due to go to court with my ex over child arrangements, my ex has been seeing DD very regularly more than he ever has, he originally walked out of her life before she was born and the trust was not there, however recently he has been seeing her a lot, however recently they have turned on me after being really nice and supportive, they are trying to take advantage of my vulnerability as I have just lost my mum, they think I'm going to just let them basically have my daughter for ages, last week they had her and my exes mum refused for him to bring her back to me as planned, said if I want her back then I will have to come and get her, let me add it's two hours away and I don't have a car at the moment, my ex and his parents have cars and it's always ok for them to bring her back, however they was being horrible with me as I said I wanted her back for Halloween to spend it with her, I don't see this being unreasonable at all, they are being really petty and nasty with me, my ex has had child maintenance lowered, I feel like maybe he has been having her more to get the CM lowered on purpose it was all a plan along? maybe, he has been nasty to me I can't deal with it at all, but have had to block him, maybe this is not the best thing to do right before the court case but he's causing me so much stress and I do not need it I am heart broken and vulnerable, I am trying to grieve, my mum was 49 years old and passed 5 weeks ago, this is not right they way they have treated me. They originally invited me to there house and was being nice and since coming back this is what I have received, nasty bitterness.

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 08/11/2023 22:16

Sorry, are you saying the grandparents effectively kidnapped your dd and refused to bring her back?

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 22:28

@LadyGaGasPokerFace I wouldn't use the terms kidnapped her, her farther took her for a few days, he lives with his parents and his mother is very interfering, I was messaging his mother as I didn't want to message through him anymore as alot has gone on between us and she was worser than him, I can not communicate with these people, she said could my DD stay for longer and I said no I want her home she said they can't bring her home on the day I planned for her to be home, so I had to get a lift two hours away to get my DD as I was panicking and missing my daughter.

OP posts:
Karensalright · 08/11/2023 22:31

how old is your child? Dont allow any more contact

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 22:37

@Karensalright she's 19 months old, I feel like I need to have no contact with them, they are ruining me and I would actually say they are trying to bully me, knowing I have no one, he has his both parents in his corner, I have lost mine.

OP posts:
GwenGhost · 08/11/2023 22:45

If there is a court date set then you need to go to it.
Having a legal CAO will help you because although you will be obliged to make your daughter available for contact at the times it is ordered, it also will protect your time with your daughter. And you won’t have to negotiate contact anymore, you’ll just say ´I prefer to stick to the contact order’ on repeat if they ask for changes you don’t want.

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 22:55

@GwenGhost do I have to be in a room with him? I don't want to see them, they make me feel nervous and his mum looks intimidating, I am going to be alone and he will be along side his mum who has a lot to say and tells him what to say and do all the time, he doesn't have his own voice it's all his mum, she done the whole thing I know it.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 08/11/2023 23:00

You need to go to the hearing. If you don't its not going to look good & they could try & use it against you. This is too important a situation to mess around with.

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:03

@Redglitter it's not important to me and my daughter, I have more important things going on in n my life, I am going through a really hard time, that hearing is nothing to me at the moment. I can definitely do without it at the moment.

OP posts:
BecauseTheWorld · 08/11/2023 23:05

Am I right in thinking the court hearing will set out access arrangements in stone? In which case it IS important and it will help you.

Can anyone come with you to advocate for you? Could you ask your health visitor for advise? Citizen’s Advise?

POTC · 08/11/2023 23:05

Are you sure his mum will be in the court? It didn't used to be allowed for anyone other than the child's parents and their legal representatives to be in the room

Karensalright · 08/11/2023 23:06

dont let them have any contact. His parents have no rights only him.

do You not have a solicitor

Redglitter · 08/11/2023 23:07

But if you don't there's nothing to stop them not returning her to you again. You've got a court date. It's best to go and get court appointed rules. That way they can't mess you around

Going might be stressful but at least it means next time your daughter goes to visit you don't need to worry about when/if they'll return her

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:08

@POTC I have only imagine that his mum would be with him, as he's such a mothers boy he can't be without her, she speaks for him and rules his life and his choices.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:10

@Karensalright I wish it was as easy as that, however he is taken me to court in which they will gain him contact, I don't nothing to do with them I can't, no I don't have one I have had more things to deal with like planning my mums funeral and trying to grieve.

OP posts:
POTC · 08/11/2023 23:10

It doesn't matter how much of a mother's boy he is, if court rules say she's not allowed in she can't go in. She can sit in the waiting room but you can wait outside until they're ready to go in then she won't be in the room with you

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 08/11/2023 23:12

Make sure that any order the court makes says that the child lives with you. It’s all very well and good getting an order for contact but if he decides to keep her after contact, the police won’t return her without a “residence” order.

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:15

@POTC I hope this is the case as I wouldn't like her to be in the room, I don't even want to face him the way they have treated me at this heart breaking time for me.

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 08/11/2023 23:17

Karensalright · 08/11/2023 22:31

how old is your child? Dont allow any more contact

You can't just stop contact. The father has a right to see the child.

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:18

@MooseBeTimeForSnow how long is the process and what does it consist of? I hate all this stuff and the fact I have to go to court. All because of him.

OP posts:
justlikebuses · 08/11/2023 23:25

I'm in family court at the moment so can't say too much but if you do not go then they can make orders in your absence.
It is not mother friendly in family court. Do not join any Facebook groups run by mckenzie friends aka Fathers for Justice types.
It's brutal and you'll be subject to scrutiny.
If there are threats to keep your child you can withhold contact. Prior to first hearing you will be contacted by Cafcass (social workers) and have a safeguarding call.
I'm happy to answer any questions you have regarding the process. I'm nearly 2 years in. Indirect contact from him only at the moment (letters and small gifts) but family court would have Jimmy Saville getting 50/50 access to his child so you'll need to be prepared for that.

Karensalright · 08/11/2023 23:27

I dont know all the ins and outs here but unless he is an abusive person then he should have contact

my sense is you are panicking. A court order should stop any nonsense about holding your child hostage

i do wonder if there was domestic abuse which if so you should say so in court

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:31

@justlikebuses I have had the phone call with caffcas, that was a few months ago now, the court hearing is at the end of this month, what is the whole process, how long are you in the room, what do they go through, do me and hun have to speak, I am just really not looking forward to this, I hate the thought of it.

OP posts:
blackfluffycat · 08/11/2023 23:34

Is your daughter with you now? How do you know when he will turn up and want to take her? You need to go to court so you both know where she will be and when. The routine will be better for you all including your daughter. I bet she wonders what's happening bless.

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 08/11/2023 23:38

@blackfluffycat yes my daughter is with me now, I went and got her right away, she is 19 months old so no joy really wondering what is going on, she doesn't like going with him as she screams leaving me, she is clingy to me, he hasn't been in her life that long.

OP posts:
CrappyBarbara · 08/11/2023 23:40

If you don’t show up to the hearing the outcome is going to be MUCH worse for you. So yes it is very important to you. I know it’s scary and you have a lot on your plate right now but if you want any input in your daughter’s custody arrangements you cannot ignore this.