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Original poster

Child maintenance pay after 16yrs old

88 replies

Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:09

Firstly, has anyone actually spoken on the phone to any human at the CBA (Citizens Advice Bureau)?
I have tried to contact them repeatedly but no one seems to work there...
My partner is having trouble with his ex wife re weekly payments that have been paid but we know none of them go towards his daughter.
He wants to pay for his child but wants her to get any money directly. She's left school but will be starting an art course at college that she doesn't want to do because her mother wants the still in education benefits. The daughter wants to do work experience and get a job in a practical profession that she will definitely do well in. Not sure what to do.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 15/08/2023 15:11

If she's at college then he has to pay his ex.
If she leaves her college course and starts working or doing an apprenticeship then he can transfer the money directly to his daughter.

Normalnormal · 15/08/2023 15:13

The daughter doesn’t need to get the money. It’s for living costs rent/mortgage, food, heating and water - so unless the isn’t feeding, clothing, housing or providing heat or hot water for the daughter then she is getting it.

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:14

@BoohooWoohoo thanks so much for a clear response. We need to know where we stand here and this is a great help.

OP posts:
Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:15

two issues

  1. your SD forced to do a course she doesn’t want to do. So why not move in with her father?

2 yes cms due if she goes to college

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:17

@Normalnormal the money goes on partying and social services seem to be powerless to intervene despite repeated complaints about her behaviour from others (not us btw).

OP posts:
Busubaba · 15/08/2023 15:19

She can't be forced into going to college!

Let her come and live with you and her father.

Ugzbugz · 15/08/2023 15:20

How much does your DH give her a month?

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 15/08/2023 15:20

Good luck trying to get a job with practical experience that she’ll do well in at 16…..

Sounds more like your partner wants her to get a job so he’s not legally obliged to pay for her any longer.

and as a pp said, if she has a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in the cupboard then it’s unlikely her mother is spending all of her money on partying.

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:20

Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:17

@Normalnormal the money goes on partying and social services seem to be powerless to intervene despite repeated complaints about her behaviour from others (not us btw).

So really does beg the question

why doesn’t this poor girl live with her father

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:21

Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:17

@Normalnormal the money goes on partying and social services seem to be powerless to intervene despite repeated complaints about her behaviour from others (not us btw).

Why not you? Because you don’t think serious enough to justify SS? Or you just haven’t?

Mindymomo · 15/08/2023 15:25

We have a Citizens Advice Bureau that visits our village every week for drop ins, so yes, you can get to speak to them in person if you find out where your local one is.

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:29

We live nearly two hours away unfortunately and most of her friends live near her not us. We've discussed her moving in with us but she understandably doesn't want to leave her social network which means everything to a teenager. We visit her regularly where she lives but avoid dealing with her mother.

OP posts:
Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:32

Ok so

if she does the course then yes your partner still has to pay

if she doesn’t, then no he doesn’t. but it sounds like she’d hugely benefit from support

as for her mother, if you think abusive, then fgs this needs to be your focus

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:32

@Chocbuttonsandredwine blimey, you live in a fluffy bubble don't you?

OP posts:
Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:33

How long have you been in her life? Has this been the case with her mother throughout?

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:36

@Poorlilthing yes it is my focus and I'm regularly looking out for her. I got on well with her teachers who supported her but it's tough dealing with a sociopath. Her father doesn't want her to slave away in a job to save money. That's utterly ridiculous and insulting. Women are perfectly capable of being successful tradespeople.

OP posts:
Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:38

Her father doesn't want her to slave away in a job to save money. That's utterly ridiculous and insulting. Women are perfectly capable of being successful tradespeople.

who said she should? And who said women aren’t?

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 15:39

How long has this been going on with her mother?

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:42

@Poorlilthing yes, I've been involved for over 8 years and I get on very well with the daughter. The mother as I formerly said is a sociopath who is a narcissistic bully. I am the only one who seems able to stand up to her and whilst I understand people projecting their own issues onto this situation, it's not helpful.

OP posts:
ItsNotRocketSalad · 15/08/2023 15:42

Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:17

@Normalnormal the money goes on partying and social services seem to be powerless to intervene despite repeated complaints about her behaviour from others (not us btw).

So your husband's daughter is homeless? How does she get food?

HirplesWithHaggis · 15/08/2023 15:43

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 15/08/2023 15:20

Good luck trying to get a job with practical experience that she’ll do well in at 16…..

Sounds more like your partner wants her to get a job so he’s not legally obliged to pay for her any longer.

and as a pp said, if she has a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in the cupboard then it’s unlikely her mother is spending all of her money on partying.

There are apprenticeships for 16 year olds. My step-granddaughter is on one.

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 15/08/2023 15:49

HirplesWithHaggis · 15/08/2023 15:43

There are apprenticeships for 16 year olds. My step-granddaughter is on one.

Show quote history

Fully aware of this, they aren’t handing them out in the street corner however. A lot of young people think they can just “get an apprenticeship” and it will be money and a decent job… it’s not as easy as that. I say this as someone who did an apprenticeship at 16, and also now works in an industry that has a good standard apprenticeship scheme:

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:51

@ItsNotRocketSalad really? She's homeless and starving now? You got that from troll-land where everyone is as swampy as you eh?

OP posts:
ItsNotRocketSalad · 15/08/2023 15:53

Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:51

@ItsNotRocketSalad really? She's homeless and starving now? You got that from troll-land where everyone is as swampy as you eh?

Eh? Normalnormal said the mum pays living expenses and you said no, all her money goes on partying. So she doesn't pay for her daughter's home or food?

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:53

Couple of people you can cuddle up with here choc salad etc

OP posts: