Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Child maintenance pay after 16yrs old

88 replies

Muddays · 15/08/2023 15:09

Firstly, has anyone actually spoken on the phone to any human at the CBA (Citizens Advice Bureau)?
I have tried to contact them repeatedly but no one seems to work there...
My partner is having trouble with his ex wife re weekly payments that have been paid but we know none of them go towards his daughter.
He wants to pay for his child but wants her to get any money directly. She's left school but will be starting an art course at college that she doesn't want to do because her mother wants the still in education benefits. The daughter wants to do work experience and get a job in a practical profession that she will definitely do well in. Not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 17:59

She does want an apprenticeship btw. Oh and apologies for any insensitivity to the insensitive posts here. (This is as good as it will get Boohooblahblah..)

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:00

I meant @Winewednesday re me apologising. Sorry boo for any confusion...

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:04

@SheilaFentiman the reference was regarding a certain type of person like am er t-rd....

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:10

@AndyMcFlurry thank you, hope you're up to date with any rabies shots... sorry @Winewednesday I'm really trying with the apologies thing.,.

OP posts:
IWantOutDoI · 15/08/2023 18:19

Ok, I am going to give you another perspective on it that you may want to consider before you stop the maintenance and support you SD not continue in education:

Does SD’s mother have enough resources to put a roof over SD’s head without universal credits? Is she using the maintenance to cover part of the rent? Pay for the food SD eats?

It is not about allowing SD to use the maintenance money as she wishes, obviously ok if the mum is loaded, you can contact the CMS and tell them SD is leaving education and maintenance and a huge percentage of mum’s universal credits will be gone, she may not manage to pain the rent, she might end up homeless (no much support at all without children), she might need to move into shared accomodation and if that happens SD will need to move with you full time permanently and you will need to cover all her costs until she can become independent. If that’s ok with you, go ahead and screw the woman up, personally, I would continue paying to spare myself, my own children and SD from such trauma.

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 18:25

Muddays · 15/08/2023 17:03

Ok my rarely dull, rabid, bored lionesses. I thank you for your advice and it certainly looks like the weekly payments will continue. We are in constant communication with his daughter who is as safe as we can make her. We have always and will continue to love and support her and she's an intelligent, funny, caring and strong young lady thanks to her father. Insulting him is ignorant. Like most people found out about Mr Depp, there are an unpleasant few who seek to ruin the genuinely good nature of someone, then viciously judge without knowing anything about them.

What on earth are you on about

good luck to this girl is all I’ll say

SheilaFentiman · 15/08/2023 18:26

Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:04

@SheilaFentiman the reference was regarding a certain type of person like am er t-rd....

Ah.

If you consider Jonny Depp to be genuinely good natured, then I'm done here.

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 18:27

Given caginess about how much we are actually talking about her, I bet we’re talking about a pathetically paltry figure if she lives 2 hours away and loves her social network so likely rarely stays with her dad

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 18:34

And the pp is correct

she is not working
And yet she has a home, she has food, and presumably money to do everyday life…. And this will be paid for by her mother

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 18:35

But for some reason… that observation rather seems to annoy you!

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:44

@IWantOutDoI she's financially secure from a massive inheritance from a relative, but won't part with a penny for anyone but herself (her holidays with 'friends', never family, an exception), unless it's someone else's. You are right about something though; if paying means less time having to deal with her and certainly the tantrums her child will have to deal with then it's simple. I don't know whether to be sad or grateful that people really don't think that a mother can be a manipulative nightmare that actually gets away with it and blames everyone else but themselves. Most single mothers are without doubt heroic and deserve the greatest respect, support, compassion and a voice. My criticism of this parent is not a reflection of any other.

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:54

@Poorlilthing you're wasting your time trying to wind me up. You're seeing what you want to see. Have a break.

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:59

@SheilaFentiman yes, I happen to personally know that Mr Depp is an exceptional human being. So bye bye 👋

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/08/2023 18:59

Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:44

@IWantOutDoI she's financially secure from a massive inheritance from a relative, but won't part with a penny for anyone but herself (her holidays with 'friends', never family, an exception), unless it's someone else's. You are right about something though; if paying means less time having to deal with her and certainly the tantrums her child will have to deal with then it's simple. I don't know whether to be sad or grateful that people really don't think that a mother can be a manipulative nightmare that actually gets away with it and blames everyone else but themselves. Most single mothers are without doubt heroic and deserve the greatest respect, support, compassion and a voice. My criticism of this parent is not a reflection of any other.

Right. So again - if this mother is as bad as you say she is, and she may well be, we don't know - then why, did her father not fight for sole custody at least 8 years ago, if not more?

Original poster
Muddays · 15/08/2023 19:08

@arethereanyleftatall ffs!! He was the target and protected the kids, they were not in danger because they were always leverage. Why is everything being so oversimplified? I can't go into details because it will be potentially obvious to some people who is being discussed here.

OP posts:
Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 19:24

This poor girl

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 19:26

Muddays · 15/08/2023 19:08

@arethereanyleftatall ffs!! He was the target and protected the kids, they were not in danger because they were always leverage. Why is everything being so oversimplified? I can't go into details because it will be potentially obvious to some people who is being discussed here.

so they weren’t abused or they were?

Gingerkittykat · 15/08/2023 19:27

Was the ex abusing your husband? Is that why the relationship broke down?

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 19:27

She’s either been left on the hands of an abusive parent for more than 8 years (others have been worried enough to report to SS. Not her father or SM though)

or

shes absolutely fine and the OP is just pissed off her partner is paying (what I presume is paltry) CMS

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 19:28

How did he “protect the kids” by leaving them in the hands of their supposedly abusive mother 2 hours away?

nocoolnamesleft · 15/08/2023 19:31

Well, I can certainly see why the poor girl doesn't want to live with her dad and step mother.

Poorlilthing · 15/08/2023 19:32

nocoolnamesleft · 15/08/2023 19:31

Well, I can certainly see why the poor girl doesn't want to live with her dad and step mother.

It’s very clear isn’t it

who needs enemies when you have family like this

Hubblebubble · 15/08/2023 19:59

Child maintenance is a drop in the ocean compared to what it takes to raise a child. I'm not surprised the mother is asking for extra for swimming costumes and trips. Shame on the pair of you for begrudgingly the payment of this bare minimum and griping about extras. Good on the mother for encouraging her daughter to continue her education. It gives her more options, she can always train to be a trades person after college

arethereanyleftatall · 15/08/2023 21:40

Muddays · 15/08/2023 19:08

@arethereanyleftatall ffs!! He was the target and protected the kids, they were not in danger because they were always leverage. Why is everything being so oversimplified? I can't go into details because it will be potentially obvious to some people who is being discussed here.

Unfortunately, the details wouldn't out you.

It's the same old script, heard a million times.

Not a peep from the father whilst their child is young enough to actually require time, effort and finances to raise. But suddenly, once the child hits teenage years and all the hard work is done, then it all comes out how the mother is an abhorrent lazy narcissist. But only once there's no danger of the father actually having to do anything. Every. Single. Time.

Soontobe60 · 15/08/2023 21:49

Muddays · 15/08/2023 18:44

@IWantOutDoI she's financially secure from a massive inheritance from a relative, but won't part with a penny for anyone but herself (her holidays with 'friends', never family, an exception), unless it's someone else's. You are right about something though; if paying means less time having to deal with her and certainly the tantrums her child will have to deal with then it's simple. I don't know whether to be sad or grateful that people really don't think that a mother can be a manipulative nightmare that actually gets away with it and blames everyone else but themselves. Most single mothers are without doubt heroic and deserve the greatest respect, support, compassion and a voice. My criticism of this parent is not a reflection of any other.

You said she was on benefits, if she’s had a massive inheritance she won’t be getting any benefits.

Swipe left for the next trending thread