Parents disagreeing on medical procedure

[gertrudemortimer]

Hi my ds (7) had two urology operations when he was a baby/toddler to fix a birth defect. Due to covid it took a while to get the post op appt where they check everything is functioning okay. We eventually got that appt and we both attended but ds dad left half way through to go to work so he didn't speak to the consultant at the end. The consultant said my ds needs a procedure as the tests done on the appt indicate a blockage and it is causing urine retention which was identified by numerous bladder scans, I told dad the outcome and he was fine with it. Ds was put on the waiting list for the procedure and I got the date through last week, it's been a two year wait.

Ds dad is now very anti-nhs and he has requested the consultants details and is saying he doesn't want ds to have the procedure. Where do I stand here, what should I do? Should I be telling the consultant that the other parent objects to it?

Definitely a different situation then but it sounds like a very clear medical need. Your son is suffering and he is your absolute priority. Yes, your ex may have a hissy fit, but your son will no longer be suffering. Your choice is to watch your son continue to suffer or accept the fact that your ex is going to be cross with you. I understand that you don't want your ex to be upset but to sacrifice your son's wellbeing is too high a price to pay. If in doubt, speak to the doctors, but it sounds unpleasant and painful as well as easily fixed.

I agree with @JennyMule but don’t panic OP, from what you’ve said if push comes to shove I think it’s likely he’ll get his operation despite dad’s objections via the courts if necessary, it may mean a slight delay to the original plans.

Paediatric nurse; you can consent on your own. We never need both parents.

Whilst the hospital may only need the signature of one parent, the law is that anyone with PR is entitled to a say in medical treatment. OP should really seek a specific issue order to resolve this disagreement.

And, while the hospital can proceed with consent from only one person with PR, that is entirely different from proceeding in the knowledge that someone with PR does not consent - which is the OP's problem.

The hospital will seek a court order, if the father cannot be talked round informally. Although, as@JennyMule outlined upthread, it's the hospital that seeks the court order, these disputes can get messy and expensive if the parents disagree and want legal representation. That's why I would advise the OP to try to find a way for her ex-partner to talk through his fears - which are not uncommon - with the doctors.

Hi all I thought I'd update the thread. Ex dp agreed a few days before the procedure thankfully! They couldn't find the ureter opening to one of ds's kidney so he's been referred to renal and we're awaiting some scans. They've said he'll need regular blood pressure and urine checks. Both of us (and the urologists!) were so shocked. They need to find out if he was born with two or not but from what I've read online it seems to be a manageable problem in most circumstances. Terrifying to think they've left him with a blocked urethra and only one working kidney for two years! Makes me feel sick just thinking about how badly that could have ended.

So glad ex-DP eventually saw sense @gertrudemortimer . Sounds like your DS is in good hands and hopefully you will know the next steps soon.