Husband's grandmother committed suicide but family haven't been informed by police

[peacefulworld]

Hi all, this is my first time posting therefore I'm not entirely sure if I have posted this on the right section.

On Friday (21 July 23), my father-in-law (FIL) who lives in a middle European country phoned my husband at around 11am and told him that the care home had told FIL that his mum (FIL's mum) has committed suicide. She jumped off from the rooftop balcony (5th floor) at the care home the day before (20 July 23). The whole family is deeply sadden and shocked by the news. Despite the care home has notified my FIL, the police haven't contacted the family. It's Saturday afternoon now, we still haven't heard anything from the police. The care home simply said over the phone that they were told by the police that the police will inform the family.

My husband has since found out that there's a weather camera on top of the care home building and we had watched the entire recording second by second and found a shadow at 20:50 on Thursday 20 July which looks like grandma standing at the roof top but there's no recording of her jumping off.

Grandma had suffered from depression however she was always happy whenever we visited her. My question is that, why hasn't the police informed the close relatives about this? I assumed that they must have her body and is doing some sort of investigation. Shall my FIL phone the police to find out what happens or shall we wait until the police to contact us?

Because it's not a 'normal' death?

Heaven forbid there's more to it.

The police should be informed

Sorry for your loss OP.

I think it's highly unlikely that any of us on Mumsnet, who are mostly in the UK and/or British will know anything about police procedures in Hungary.

I agree with pp that fil should feel free to contact the police himself as soon as he feels up to it, ask what is happening, what the next steps are, when he might take possession of the body or any other questions he might have.

People aren’t saying the police shouldn’t be informed or investigate.

They’re saying that the police have been involved already, and the family has already been informed by the care home so no need for the police to inform them.

I agree with going through the British embassy. I would imagine there will be strict protocols in dealing with deaths abroad. Maybe the police were told that the family already know and that's why they haven't contacted you.

The police don't need to inform anyone of a death that they already know about. Tbh it would seem a bit callous to do so.

I'm assuming what the OP meant is that the police have not contacted anyone within the family about an investigation or procedure going forward eg inquest etc

I think few people on here OP are going to know the ins and outs of the Hungarian police system. However it's reasonable that someone from the family should contact the police and ask if there is a family/community liaison officer who can update the family and let them know the next steps.

Sorry for your loss.
The police would only inform the next of kin if no one else has already informed them, not the wider family

The fil is Hungarian. The British Embassy have nothing to do with it. He needs to contact his local police station. Or, if the op speaks fluent Hungarian, she can ring the police station c!least to the care home

But they haven't informed the next of kin (OPs' FIL)

In the UK, of course the police visit the next of kin after this type of incident. Sadly I know this from experience.

Apart from anything else, no-one can know for certain (from a legal perspective) that no-one else was involved.

As per my post above, a suicide like this (jumping from a height) cannot be assumed to be suicide without an investigation.

And yes, in this country any suicide will be followed up by a police visit to the NOK.

Does FIL have any family with him?
Has your husband considered travelling to Hungary to support him and to speak to the care home and police?

From the OP:

The care home simply said over the phone that they were told by the police that the police will inform the family.

Either deliberately or due to some confusion, the care home may not have made the police aware of the existence of your father in law, her son.

Or they may have simply told the police that they will be informing next of kin.

The thing to do would be for your father in law to contact the police himself and also to say that family have see the weather camera recording.

You dint think that the Police should be involved in a case like this?
And you wouldn’t expect the Police to be in touch with the NOK after a suicide??

This is a different country and the laws and practices may be very different. I just need to clarify, are you saying your FIL who lives in Hungary and is presumably the deceased next of kin (as only child) has not been notified officially by the Police that she has died but the care home where she was living have told him? How have you all accessed the video footage of her on the roof?
I'd say it was one of 3 reasons....they have been told he's already been notified and so see no reason to tell him again....there's an on going investigation and until they are sure which way its heading they are waiting to make an announcement .....or maybe there's been a very short on the day investigation and there's nothing suspicious to report so really there's no Police involvement other than perhaps taking a few statements and traffic management immediately after the incident.
What does he hope to get from the Police? Why is it so important to him that they contact him. Has the body been released? I doubt your FIL is in ghe best place to handle this. I hope your husband (and you?) are able to get to Hungary to support your FIL and maybe contact the Police yourself. This could be a tragic accident or it could malpractice. Someone was being paid to care for your GMIL. Has someone been unprofessional/at fault?

Sorry for your loss

The Hungarian police aren't well organised or funded, so it might take some time for them to get in touch with your FIL, likely not this weekend.

The care home should have a police contact, but there may be obfuscation if there's any chance the care home was neglectful (poor care is a huge issue in Hungary). Your FIL should call the police himself to discuss the circumstances of the death, and depending on what is found, consider engaging a lawyer - bribery is sadly very common in Hungary, the care home may try to pay off the police.

That wouldn't be relevant to a death in Hungary

The problem with this thread is posters are applying British standards and expectations to a different country.

As I understand it, FIL and GMIL are Hungarian. This happened in Hungary. Unless someone here is familiar with the Hungarian system, we’re all telling OP what should happen in the UK.

I’m really sorry for your loss Op. I hope you get answers soon.

@AsterixAndPersimmon

I didn't say the police shouldn't be involved.

Does your dh speak hungarian? Can he fly out there tomorrow to support and liaise with poluce hospital morggue etc ? And equivalent of coroner.
Whoever is in hungary should call hungarian police /hospital where body is / coroner locslly /local mayor etc and find out what happens next in hungaryin such circumstances eg investigation
No one in uk can tell you what should happen unless they know hungary system

I would be asking why and how she was able to get on roof of a care home....

The care home should have a police contact

If it's anything like the UK, they will have done well if they have managed to extract so much as an incident number from the police who attended.

Is there a coronial system in Hungary, OP? In England & Wales, you could contact the Coroner's office in similar circumstances, and you'd usually get a lot more information than from the police.

OP a friend of ours died as the result of a car accident in France, it was three days before anyone in authority contacted the family in the U.K. His wife had been ringing his phone for two days, on the third day she rang the person he’d gone with, who answered and told her that his was in hospital and her husband had died, (they were going to a car rally).
She didn’t know what to do so she rang the police here in the U.K. and they were really helpful, they contacted the British embassy in France and she finally got official confirmation that her dh had died.

This is an incident that has happened in Hungary to Hungarian nationals.
The British Embassy has no involvement at all