School attendance

[YorkshireGirl2016]

Hello, hoping that this is the right place to post.
To give a bit of background, my husbands child lives around 2 hours away. We see him as much as possible, but being a 13 year old, he wants to spend most weekends with his friends...we completely understand this.

Previously we received a letter about his poor attendance and my husband and child's mother received a £60 fine due to lack of attendance. We called the school and council and explained the situation, we live two hours away, both work full time and have our own children. Their reply was it's Dads responsibility still...even though he lives two hours away.

We have just received a letter threatening 3 months prison and or a £2,500 fine as my stepson again has refused to attend school.

I am beside myself with worry. Surely we cannot responsible as we live so far away? We have spoken to my stepson and he will not attend school. He doesn't care if there is a fine or his parents go to prison.

I don't know what to do? I'm terrified about not only his lack of education but the possibility of my husband going to prison

Both parents are equally on the hook from memory. You say you've spoken to the child, but what else has your husband done?

Who does the boy live with, ie who in old fashioned terms has custody?

What steps has he taken to find out why dss is not attending and address it? Or is he leaving it all to his ex?

I've heard of this before and I think parents need to start kicking up a massive stink and getting this issue into the open via newspapers etc as well as pursuing it legally because it's abominable that parents with no rights and no access to the children are being fined when the RP lets the child do what they want or takes them on holiday in term time.
The obsession with presenteeism in schools is stupid enough as it is. As a teacher, I don't want sick kids in my class, they can't learn and they infect others and what are we teaching them about adult life?

The school has given him loads of options reduced school hours, one to one schooling. Option of moving schools etc etc. My husband has spoken to his son at length about the situation. Short of him moving back to live nearer to him and dragging him to school, I don't know what else he can do.
The mother has full time custody

No, he isn't leaving it to his ex, we are all in communication about his behaviour snd trying to be a united front to sort everything out.
My stepson has loads of friends, but just cannot be bothered.
There is issues with phones and social media.the mum allows him to stay on his phone all hours. We confiscate the phone abd turn off the Internet. We've suggested she do the same but this falls on deaf ears.
Would you recommend consulting a Solicitor?

Cant he move in with you and attend school where you are. I suspect his mum is at the point she needs dad to step up

It is just madness, if we lived in Australia would we still be responsible?!? I don't know what to do

We've said about him moving here and the son and mother refuses.
I honestly believe we have done everything we can as adults, the parents and the school.
The school said the same last week, this now needs to come from the child, the next step has to come from him

What do you think his mother is capable of doing that you can't do which makes your husband exempt from being responsible? I'm not saying I agree with the LA rules (I have no idea how you force a young adult to school) but you're making this about the distance. The issue is the rules.

Because the mother has full time custody the distance and neither parent can get him to school.
I put the thread on here from a legal point of view not to be questioned about if I or my husband have tried our best

And from a purely selfish point of view. If my husband goes to prison. I'll have to give up my job to look after our child and lose my home as won't be able to pay the mortgage

You seem to think the mother should be fully liable for a solution and therefore the fine/sanctions. But also say your DH is doing what he can. If he's doing everything he can then he's equally liable for it being unsuccessful.

I suspect that, form a legal point of view, whether you husband has 'tried his best' in other words done all he reasonably can, is key.

At the moment the LEA are, for all the mention of fines and prison, trying to get to the bottom of the lad's issues. Fines/prison are issues for a court and would follow a hearing where, one hopes, all interested would be present.

A quick word with a Solicitor might be a good idea at some point. It's not an area of work I'm in day to day touch with to point to a firm but you need one who has experience in this area.

There is also a significant cohort of voluntary organisations with fingers the school attendance pie. Can another 'netter provide and signposting?

Also, you’re being slightly melodramatic. If he goes to prison it’s 3 months at the most. You’re not giving up your job for 3 months. You’re paying for childcare.

For what it’s worth, I would probably be melodramatic about it too, but you’re not helping yourself by telling yourself you’re going to to things like lose your house. Your not. It would be hard, and you’re going to have to put things in place. But you could take a mortgage holiday for 3 months (for example) and it’s one problem solved.

you will make it worse if you spiral it into something it won’t be

I'm finding it really hard to understand why a 13yr old isn't going to school and why this is allowed by his parents to happen....but you don't want advice on that so....

Unfortunately both parents are to blame, so yes your partner is liable I'm afraid. Prison is an absolute last resort though and so if there is clear evidence that the parents have done all in their power then I'm sure it won't come to that and there will be a fine instead.

I know this isn’t what OP is asking but I don’t understand why some of you find it so hard to understand that it can be bloody difficult to get a child in secondary school to go to school. I can drop my child off, walk them into school, leave and they can walk right out of the gate, or leave between lessons or various myriad of things that mean I as an adult who have to work cannot possibly police my child remaining in school. Schools also do not have to staff to police a child remaining in grounds all day. The husband lives miles away so realistically what on earth are they supposed to do that they have not already done?!

Thank you

I'm not being melodramatic either. At the moment my husband is looking after our baby full time. I cannot afford full time childcare and work full time.
Thank you Teehee and Brompt for your understanding

Yes but clearly there is a reason why a child won't go to school...that is what needs resolving. Going by the OPs earlier post about the mother letting him be up all hours on the net suggests discipline and structure is lacking. This child is being let down. If it goes to court the father should be suggesting custody so he can get him to school!

Is your husband engaging directly with the school regularly? Has he requested early help intervention from social care?
Often youth offending schemes have early intervention schemes, can he contact them?
In my experience if this gets to court (and they do) he needs to evidence everything he is actively doing to get him there and to address the underlying issues. Saying we'll I love fat away what do you expect me to do, won't wash.
Why is the child saying he won't go to school? This is the issue that really needs addressing.

I live far away!!

How old is he?
Is his Mum working?
Can he be off rolled/home educated?
Have school looked at alternative provision?

13. Mother not working. Child wants to live with his mum. Home education offered. Refused by mother and child. All other provisions offered also refused by mother and child.