Future Inheritance Will Be a Nightmare

[WishItWereSummer]

I’ve NC for this, and apologies in advance for the very long thread. I don’t want to drip feed so will include as much relevant information as possible, but I would like to be prepared for this event when it happens.

I have 2 DC who are young adults. I split from their father when they were 1 after years of physical and mental abuse (towards me not them), he was convicted on one occasion when I finally had the courage to go to court, and I had numerous non molestation orders with power of arrest attached.

Their paternal grandfather did the same to their paternal grandmother (which their father witnessed) and as a result he was brought up by his mum and had sporadic contact with dad over the years. His mum is an amazing woman, had a good job and worked hard to provide them both a safe and stable home – she’s a gentle soul. He however, has never left home (he’s 46), never had a proper job (part time doorman), has a drink/drug/and prescription drug problem, and has violent outbursts. Over the years he has caused untold damage to his mums house, completely disrespected her boundaries, never paid rent (despite being asked) and is generally very very unpredictable & abusive.

My DC have always had a great relationship with their DGM, and have seen/witnessed the majority of his behaviour. DGM has recently updated her will and told DC her wishes:

Her house (worth approx. 400k) – split between my DC only

Cash/assets – 30% to each DC and 40% to her son (their father)

It seems she has also stated that although the house belongs to DC, he can live there for as long he likes (lifetime interest). She has done this for a multitude of reasons as she doesn’t trust him and is scared of him. She also knows that he will blow any money he is left, on drugs (he was left 500k inheritance 15 years ago and spent it all on drugs/partying)

Now to my concerns:

I’m petrified of his reaction when he discovers he hasn’t been left the house. I can’t emphasise enough how little respect he has for anyone and anything – including his children and mother. I can say with 99% certainty he will erupt.
He has lived with his mother his entire life, completely dependant on her to house him. He has never paid a bill, genuinely, and as such I’m concerned he could challenge the will on this basis?
I’m also worried that he will do considerable damage to the property out of spite/temper and my DC would have no recourse to remove him from the property and/or get him to pay for the damage.
I guess I’d like to know how I can help the DC when this time comes, how can they be prepared for the absolute shit storm that’s going to come their way when DGM passes away?

Thanks wise ones.

Thank you everyone for your responses thus far. I'll try and answer as many questions as possible.

The reason DGM has never reported him to the police is because he's her son. It's always been just the two of them. No matter how bad his behaviour has been she's always tried to help him. Plus she's very very scared. This man is big, strong, volatile, unpredictable. For years I had panic alarms in my house because of him, but he always seemed to get away with a lot. It was my word against his, and he thought nothing of severely injuring himself (in front of me) and said the violence was both ways (it wasn't). He's connected to some awful people. Unless she went into witness protection and moved away, she would never escape him.

We've all tolerated his behaviour I guess, out of pure fear. I genuinely wish he wasn't here, for both DGM and DC.

As far as executers and further wording of the will goes - I honestly don't know. There's a lot to think about and discuss with DGM and DC, they all need to know exactly what to expect and prepare themselves accordingly. DGM wants to ensure DC have a secure future as she's given up trying with her son. DC want the path of least resistance and couldn't be further apart from their father in terms of temperament and life.

When DC arrive I will show them this thread, and hopefully it spurs them on to having an open and honest conversation with DGM.

Have you considered suggesting she leaves the house to him and the money to your kids. He may sell the house and lose the money but at least your kids won't have to deal with him in future. Leaving him a life long interest in the house is going to continue the pain and drama for your kids. It seems too high a cost. There is a chance he won't sell it and then they might inherit it anyway once he has died.

If he is so dangerous that he may harm your children in anger, then no it's really just not worth it. Just walk away and ask her to change the will.

Alternatively she could give away money now without him being aware.

Also think she could leave all the money to your dc and the house solely to him. Then there is no need for further contact between them.

gosh this is so tricky and I have no advice, hopefully one of the extremely helpful solicitors will be on soon and can help.

I just wanted to say that you replied to someone earlier about how you came to have your dc’s and that you weren’t planning on telling them this story, if you are going to show them this thread then maybe just ask for that post to be deleted?

There are already 3/4 of the extremely helpful solicitors on here!

@WishItWereSummer you have mentioned things on this thread I don't think you want your DC to see - just reminding you before you show them. (Just realised @Georgieporgie29 has made the same point).

Money isn't everything. Being able to walk away and go NC with a man like their father is priceless.

No body has mentioned this but your DC have the right to refuse an inheritance.

They can walk away from the house and not take it.

If their father challenges the will they don't have to do anything either.

I had a family member inherit some money from a friend (who'd left her savings to people she cared about instead of toxic family) her family challenged it.
My relative received a letter stating if she wished to defend herself against the will contest to get herself a solicitor.

My relative did absolutely nothing (it wasn't worth it). The case went to court and the judge upheld the will so my relative got the money without doing anything or spending a penny.

It sounds like you and your DC need to emotionally detach yourself from this man, the house and the money.
You don't have to do anything. Get on with your lives without him.

Thank you both. I had forgotten about that. I'll redact that bit and print out the necessary information instead

*I don't understand what the big fuss is, really.

Usually your kids wouldn't be inheriting a house from a grandparent where the parent is still alive.

If it went, as it normally would, to their father, they would then inherit nothing at all as he would presumably spend it all before he died. He could also remarry or will it to someone else.

This way they are guaranteed to inherit a house, at the normal time ie on the death of their parent.*

Wise words from @ArcticSkewer

You're making a drama out if this, OP. All your DDs have to do is make sure the house has building insurance annually then forget about it. One day they'll receive a hefty lump sum free of inheritance and capital gains tax.

And they'll have done absolutely nothing to have earnt it.

The advice to take cash and not the house is bad advice because there may be no money by then.

I would not bother the GM anymore, she’s made her decision, she has a hard life and she should be supported in her decisions, you are over thinking this.

I agree you're overthinking it.
If your DC inherit the house, then they can do nothing until their father dies.

It doesn't matter if the house is a broken down mess, it could always be sold at auction.

They absolutely shouldn't let their father hold it over them or blackmail them in any way.

It sounds like the issue isn't really the inheritance but the fact this man still has a negative hold over your lives. This is something you are choosing to let him have.

I'd tell DGM that the girls will refuse the house. Or gift it to a charity (that would be fun: getting some hard-nosed charity with even-harder-nosed lawyers to give him grief).
Tell DGM that they don't want the hassle that she will be inflicting on them, it is not a nice nor positive thing that she is doing.
Then leave her to stew and hopefully see sense.

No doubt you'll ignore the advice from @senua cos it's nuts

Thanks for that. The twins either
a) accept the bequest and have their deeply unpleasant father enmeshed in their lives until the day he dies. At which time they will inherit a valueless (no longer £400k) dump, or
b) leave all the aggro behind.

I would not bother the GM anymore, she’s made her decision, she has a hard life and she should be supported in her decisions
She's had a hard life because she has been weak regarding her son. The family should break free of him; OP has done it so she should try to enable her DDs to stay free, too. The family should not be 'supporting' DGM's poor decisions.

Actually @senua the grandmother is perfectly able to make her own decisions irrespective of whether you think they are good or bad decisions, weak or otherwise. I would be very concerned that Op is unduly pressurising a person who may be vulnerable into doing what Op considers is good and what Op wants. With respect it really is no business of Ops what the person has decided to do with her money.

I have no desire to add anymore stress or pressure onto DGM. I feel somewhat reassured that at least DC won’t have to ‘keep’ him in the house, and that he will have to maintain it and pay the bills like the majority of people do.

Maybe I was overthinking things. All I want is for DC to have the best life possible without any added pressure from their father.

I will pass them the information I’ve gathered from here so they can be fully informed of what will happen. Hopefully DGM has a long time left and things might change before she passes away.

DGM isn’t weak. She’s been through so much with her son and did what she thought best at the time. It’s very easy to tell someone to walk away or call the police, but when it’s your only child and you’ve been the victim of awful abuse it really isn’t so black and white.

How or why he turned out the way he did certainly isn’t down to her parenting. She’s the most kind and gentle woman you’ll ever meet and dedicated her life to the welfare of other children.

All I want is for DC to have the best life possible without any added pressure from their father.
As long as they own the house that he lives in (for 40-odd years?) he can be a pain the proverbial, as you feared in your opening post. It may not be legal or enforceable but is that going to stop him? He could even play at pitting one twin against the other, trying to poison their relationship.

Why does the DGM want to do that to them. She is putting her son's wellbeing above theirs.

Actually @senua probably best to leave it there. This is legal, we answer legal questions and you are really reaching.

he will have to maintain it

I think this is still a legal question, though - if he refuses to do so (which he will), do the owners have any legal recourse to either force him to do so, allow them to do so, or chuck him out? I would guess not, but they also don't have any responsibility towards the property (even if they might want to in order to protect the value of their inheritance).

Are you the thread police?
Did you miss where she said, in the opening post, "I guess I’d like to know how I can help the DC when this time comes, how can they be prepared for the absolute shit storm that’s going to come their way when DGM passes away?"
It's patently obviously that the son will not restrict himself to purely legal matters.

And that is totally her choice, which I fully respect. My concern is for my DC after she has passed away and how best I can help and protect them.

Yes, as trustees they can act to protect the property if the resident fails to do maintenence as laid out in the will. A set of standard will clauses addresses nearly all the issues that have been mentioned by other posters.

Contrary to many of the posters beliefs on here, this type of arrangement is bread and butter to a wills and trusts lawyer, and most issues that are likely to arise have very clear legal precedents.