Future Inheritance Will Be a Nightmare

[WishItWereSummer]

I’ve NC for this, and apologies in advance for the very long thread. I don’t want to drip feed so will include as much relevant information as possible, but I would like to be prepared for this event when it happens.

I have 2 DC who are young adults. I split from their father when they were 1 after years of physical and mental abuse (towards me not them), he was convicted on one occasion when I finally had the courage to go to court, and I had numerous non molestation orders with power of arrest attached.

Their paternal grandfather did the same to their paternal grandmother (which their father witnessed) and as a result he was brought up by his mum and had sporadic contact with dad over the years. His mum is an amazing woman, had a good job and worked hard to provide them both a safe and stable home – she’s a gentle soul. He however, has never left home (he’s 46), never had a proper job (part time doorman), has a drink/drug/and prescription drug problem, and has violent outbursts. Over the years he has caused untold damage to his mums house, completely disrespected her boundaries, never paid rent (despite being asked) and is generally very very unpredictable & abusive.

My DC have always had a great relationship with their DGM, and have seen/witnessed the majority of his behaviour. DGM has recently updated her will and told DC her wishes:

Her house (worth approx. 400k) – split between my DC only

Cash/assets – 30% to each DC and 40% to her son (their father)

It seems she has also stated that although the house belongs to DC, he can live there for as long he likes (lifetime interest). She has done this for a multitude of reasons as she doesn’t trust him and is scared of him. She also knows that he will blow any money he is left, on drugs (he was left 500k inheritance 15 years ago and spent it all on drugs/partying)

Now to my concerns:

I’m petrified of his reaction when he discovers he hasn’t been left the house. I can’t emphasise enough how little respect he has for anyone and anything – including his children and mother. I can say with 99% certainty he will erupt.
He has lived with his mother his entire life, completely dependant on her to house him. He has never paid a bill, genuinely, and as such I’m concerned he could challenge the will on this basis?
I’m also worried that he will do considerable damage to the property out of spite/temper and my DC would have no recourse to remove him from the property and/or get him to pay for the damage.
I guess I’d like to know how I can help the DC when this time comes, how can they be prepared for the absolute shit storm that’s going to come their way when DGM passes away?

Thanks wise ones.

He will be responsible for the upkeep of the property as he has a legal interest in the property until his death.

He will also be able to sell the property but will need to buy another or account to the trustees for the balance. He will have considerable more rights than a tenant, he has the legal interest. I do wish people would check these things before posting 🙄

I'm not a lawyer, but I wonder if it might be an idea to suggest that DGM leaves the house entirely to her son, and 90% of her cash/other assets to your DC? Then they wouldn't have to worry about any damage their father may do to the house.

This is so silly. The house will be in a trust.

A lifetime interest is very common and a very effective way of allowing a spouse or other dependent to remain in the family home, (or buy a replacement if they want to).

Frankly your relative is being very sensible and has clearly taken legal advice that will be effective in carrying out her wishes after her death.

Your children are adults. They will have to deal with this, not you, OP. The best advice you can give them when the time comes is to get a very good lawyer.

What for?

Can't his mother call the police or find someway to evict him now from her house? Then cut all ties.

He won't be able to sell the house unless that is built into the lifetime interest 'terms and conditions' so to speak.

I don't understand what the big fuss is, really.

Usually your kids wouldn't be inheriting a house from a grandparent where the parent is still alive.

If it went, as it normally would, to their father, they would then inherit nothing at all as he would presumably spend it all before he died. He could also remarry or will it to someone else.

This way they are guaranteed to inherit a house, at the normal time ie on the death of their parent.

It brings pretty much no legal obligation til then. There is no requirement on them to act as a landlord or fix stuff. They don't have to pay bills or have any financial liability. Sure, they might eventually inherit a wreck but at least they inherit something.

Other suggestions like a 50:50 interest in the house bring more problems - how would they ever evict and sell?

No because the property has never belonged to dad. He can't deprive himself of something he doesn't own. The property is grandmas and hers alone to do with as she wishes. Potential care fees for dad have no bearing on this on any way.

The DC would b e much better off if she just left them the money, and left him the house.

much better off except financially of course ...

I can see this guy ensuring the entire estate is drained into legal fees, challenging the will. On top of which, whether the will says he is responsible for upkeep or not, he isn't going to do it. So then at some point OP's children have to sue him? And that's not taking into account him coercing them into signing the property over to him anyway, just to make the nightmare stop.

I think a frank but distressing conversation with DGM is needed, to say you think it would be kinder to your DC not to tie them to their father in any way via the will.

I haven't read everyone's responses, only yours OP, so haven't seen if it's been mentioned - had the DGM sorted out Powers of Attorney for health and finances as well as the will? If her son is this awful then it would make sense for her to give POA to you or her DGC, so that the son doesn't make any bad decisions before she actually dies.

Potentially your DC could have this nightmare for the next 40-50 years or so. I'd not want that for my DC. I think I'd speak to the grandmother about another way or not leaving them the house at all.

What a sad story. Sounds like both you and your MIL need some counseling. You both appear to have accepted the behaviour of a psychopath as normal. It’s not normal to be worried about what crazy Neanderthal man might do to your children at some fictional point in the future when he realizes the contents of a will. I wouldn’t even give that headspace. I’d be reporting him to the police for the way he abuses his mother!

A life interest does not mean those. They will be paid by him. Any capital repairs will have to be paid by the owners. For example if a new roof were needed. Not the cost of a repairman to the washing machine.

Entirely incorrect. This is not akin to a tenancy situation.

Jesus, some people talk a load of rubbish. Why do people respond to legal threads when they don’t know the law.

Its normal.

The property isn’t being left to the dc yet.

first the son gets to live there.

when he dies THEN they inherit.

The benefit is that they have a guarantee that something is left.

There are markets for this.

No they can’t.

@WishItWereSummer my understanding is it is possible for the will to give him a life interest and to specify he is responsible for maintenance, repairs and bills.

The DGM could add that to her will. She clearly understands her sim and would see that as a sensible addition.

Leave the grandchildren the money, the son the house.

@WishItWereSummer it is very unlikely he could successfully challenge the will having been left a life interest and 40% of the cash.

sorry if I’ve missed this but who are the executors of the Will?