Future Inheritance Will Be a Nightmare

[WishItWereSummer]

I’ve NC for this, and apologies in advance for the very long thread. I don’t want to drip feed so will include as much relevant information as possible, but I would like to be prepared for this event when it happens.

I have 2 DC who are young adults. I split from their father when they were 1 after years of physical and mental abuse (towards me not them), he was convicted on one occasion when I finally had the courage to go to court, and I had numerous non molestation orders with power of arrest attached.

Their paternal grandfather did the same to their paternal grandmother (which their father witnessed) and as a result he was brought up by his mum and had sporadic contact with dad over the years. His mum is an amazing woman, had a good job and worked hard to provide them both a safe and stable home – she’s a gentle soul. He however, has never left home (he’s 46), never had a proper job (part time doorman), has a drink/drug/and prescription drug problem, and has violent outbursts. Over the years he has caused untold damage to his mums house, completely disrespected her boundaries, never paid rent (despite being asked) and is generally very very unpredictable & abusive.

My DC have always had a great relationship with their DGM, and have seen/witnessed the majority of his behaviour. DGM has recently updated her will and told DC her wishes:

Her house (worth approx. 400k) – split between my DC only

Cash/assets – 30% to each DC and 40% to her son (their father)

It seems she has also stated that although the house belongs to DC, he can live there for as long he likes (lifetime interest). She has done this for a multitude of reasons as she doesn’t trust him and is scared of him. She also knows that he will blow any money he is left, on drugs (he was left 500k inheritance 15 years ago and spent it all on drugs/partying)

Now to my concerns:

I’m petrified of his reaction when he discovers he hasn’t been left the house. I can’t emphasise enough how little respect he has for anyone and anything – including his children and mother. I can say with 99% certainty he will erupt.
He has lived with his mother his entire life, completely dependant on her to house him. He has never paid a bill, genuinely, and as such I’m concerned he could challenge the will on this basis?
I’m also worried that he will do considerable damage to the property out of spite/temper and my DC would have no recourse to remove him from the property and/or get him to pay for the damage.
I guess I’d like to know how I can help the DC when this time comes, how can they be prepared for the absolute shit storm that’s going to come their way when DGM passes away?

Thanks wise ones.

The home he has for life doesn’t have to be this property, does it? Maybe she could preempt him.

Challenges to a fair will are pretty hard to make - if the cash sum left to him is reasonable, and it sounds like it would be, then that plus the life interest in the house is unlikely to be changed unless there were some really good reason he CAN'T earn enough to keep himself/upkeep the house - for example, severe disability requiring hands on care, unable to work etc.

People do think challenging a will is easy - it isn't, and it really is only the wills that weren't legal or were used maliciously, that tend to be overturned and this is neither as far as I can see.

Then you need to speak to her, explain how you feel about the will and the problems you think it will cause. Wills can be changed, she could for example leave more money to her son but no life interest in the house.

I think (but again you'll need to check the terms) they won't have any obligation to repair the house etc, except if they want to. It's not like a tenancy where you have to get an EPC and keep things in good order. The house might be in a right state when it gets to them, but it doesn't have to be a burden on them up to that point.

A totally different issue to those mentioned is what would happen if the dad needed to go into a care home in years to come.
would the council see a will like this as deprivation of assets, and could they challenge the house ownership in order to fund care fees?

I genuinely don't know what cash or assets she has in the bank. She has a good pension, and is very frugal but I doubt it's over 100k in total. I do think the overall value of the estate given to DC will be much higher than to him though.

He works part time currently as a doorman. It's the only job he's ever had and known, and he has never wanted to change this. I know he suffers with his MH as well as his addiction/anger issues - so wouldn't surprise me if he challenged the will on this basis stating he's too unwell to work from then on and needs providing for.

I'm assuming it would be irrelevant as he doesn't own the house and would have no assets in order to pay for care home fees?

I wish that had been the case Widdlin. Until then I believed wills were sacrosanct.

If it was my dc I would rather they received a larger lump sum instead of the house. It would be a relief to walk away from the inevitable drama. No worries about what's happening to the house, no money to find to eventually repair the damage, and no possible falling out over what to do with a wreck when it was eventually theirs. Some things are worth more than money.

It depends on the wording of the will. You could ask for a copy and pay a solicitor to talk you through the implications and potential actions to be taken should he misbehave. They may also suggest alternative wording for DGM to discuss with her solicitor. This will cost, but may be worth it for peace of mind.

Then, if needed, you can have a fully informed discussion with DGM.

Hopefully, as you say, it will not come to that - he may pass away, or, DGM may need to go into care, at which point the house may eventually have to be sold to fund it. My understanding is that provided he is not over 60, him living there is not a barrier to this.

so wouldn't surprise me if he challenged the will on this basis stating he's too unwell to work from then on and needs providing

Yes.

Good advice thank you.

At this point I think it would be much better off if DGM needed to go into a care home and her house sold to fund this (not right now of course, she's lovely and I want her around as long as possible)

So sorry you've experienced something equally as crap as this. Some human beings are just bloody awful.

But surely he couldn't claim that he needed, providing for from his own mother, when he has had half £1 million and he's just spent it all?

I think it would be worthwhile speaking to a lawyer yourself and then talking to his mum. That poor woman. How old is she now?

I could give you some examples of it. It us not unheard of, in fact it is a very common situation when people are not used to deal with big amounts of money. How many lottery winners are totally bankrupt after a short amount of years? Most of them actually.

Will the DC be considered the owners of a home already when they want to buy so they have to pay extra stamp duty/ can't get ftb benefits etc?

I don’t know if this will help but fwiw: I’ve just done something similar to make sure (as far as possible) that my kids inherit my share of mine and my husband/their stepdad’s house, while keeping a roof over my husband’s head.

My 50% share of the property (but it would be the same process if it was the whole place) will go into a lifetime trust for my kids if I die before my husband. My husband can live in the property until he dies, or he can sell it and the trust moves to the new property, or he can rent it out and keep the rent. My will is very clear that he is responsible for all bills and maintenance costs and must keep the property in good repair.

Even though my sons are adults, and get on perfectly well with my husband, I have made other people Trustees of the trust (and my executors) and they will be responsible for making sure, if necessary, that the terms of the Trust are adhered to. Could your MIL do that, even if it comes with some costs (so use a solicitor for example) if there are no friends who’d be willing and able to, so your children don’t ever need to put up with any future crap?

Surely much better to lay out the situation and gently suggest that a 50:50 split of the house and a sale might be the best approach, not only for your kids but for her son as well? Depending on the house value, 50% of it could set him up to buy his own manageable retirement flat and be much better for him that trapped in a big old house, unable to ever move as it’s only his home if he stays in it. And better for your kids to get 50% of the house as free and clear cash for their own house deposits while they are young, rather than having to wait until they are in their 60s potentially to access the money.

From what you've said about him your concerns are probably justified, this has the potential to cause your kids endless hassle. It would be a complete burden, and he could live another 50 years, and in the meantime your kids would be lumbered maintaining an unrealisable asset until they're in old age themselves (although from what you've said about his lifestyle he might not even outlast his mother!). Maybe if you explain the potential issues to her she'll consider an alternative plan.

Couple of suggestions - as others have pointed out it might create a less messy situation if she left the all her cash to your kids instead of equity in the house. I guess it depends on the value of the house vs the cash as to how that alters value of what they'll receive. If that's not enough and she wants to leave more to her grandchildren, then probably forcing the sale of the house and splitting the proceeds between the 3 of them would be the next best thing.

The other thing to explore would be to find out if it's possible to put conditions on the his lifetime interest e.g. make it conditional on him maintaining the property, keeping on top of the bills etc. Would still be a headache to enforce eviction and sale on those terms, but it just might incentivise him into behaving. Also perhaps consider getting her to put it into some kind of managed trust where the trustees will be responsible for dealing with him and not your kids. Although given the potential length of time this could go on for, the costs might end up being more than the house is worth!

I bought my mother a home and she had a lifetime interest in the house i.e. she could live there for the rest of her life with no threat of eviction in case anything happened to me. A legal agreement was drawn up by my solicitor. She lived there rent free but she was responsible for all the bills, maintenance etc. I paid for buildings insurance. When she died, it reverted back to my ownership and I now rent it out.

I don’t think altering the will so the house is sold would work as he’s likely to be fuming and you will have to deal with it all immediately
Thr life time interest is really common. If he’s not going to pay any bills I suspect he’s only last a couple of years max in the house anyway.

I think she either needs to sell the home before she dies and put the proceeds in trust. Or have a tenancy agreement for her son that in some way makes it clear he has to pay x about of rent or has to leave.

A very very tricky situation and one that is very hard on your dc.

DGM... 500k... blah blah blah... I'm on the wrong planet.

Get a lawyer, and get him locked up!.

Peace of mind is invaluable.
Like someone else said, maybe your DC are better off with £20k each and a clear path ahead of them, than with the burden of their 'father' who has already let them down repeatedly?
I'm not sure this will be good for them. Without this, they are free (and I say this as a skint parent who left a toxic marriage, fled with DC even though I was the wage earner. I know that the light feeling of freedom is priceless, and a gift to my DC.)
I can't buy this feeling.
I think you are possibly posting because, Dee down, you know this too.
And - karma - when he dies, your DC get an unexpected gift.
Much more freeing than being shackled to a liability. YOU KNOW THIS! Leave the house to him to f up.