Not on rental agreement can I make him leave?

[MollysDolly]

StbExDH is refusing to leave the house.

He's been abusive long term. I tried. I can't stomach any more.

His current thing is now to boast of all the shags he'll be having, while living here because "there's nothing I can do about it" lots of sneering in my face "you going to make me leave?" etc. I'm tired of the children seeing this as their "role model".

He's not on the rental agreement. We have not yet started divorce proceedings.

Is there anything I can do? I'm not involving police, I can't prove a thing, and it will just make him act like a massive bastard (even more so) in the divorce. I'm not upset or affected by his behaviour, it's like white noise. I just want to know how to get him out.

@EmmasMum12

OP you said that your husband will do terrible things to you if you threaten his employment.

You also said that you have threatened his employment prospects already by reporting his domestic violence

What did he do to you when you made that report?

I'm not going to answer that, nor do I see why you need details.

I don't need details. I hope it all works out for you

You can't chuck him out.

You could get an occupation order if domestic violence is involved (citizens advice can help with this)

Your parents could serve you with a section 21 notice (seeking to evict you) but may need to go to.court to get a possession order against your DH. They should seek advice on how to do this most efficiently.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/#h-if-your-ex-partner-wants-you-to-move-out

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/#h-if-your-ex-partner-is-threatening-violent-or-abusive

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/advisernet/family/ending-a-relationship/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/#h-applying-online-through-citizens-advice

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-privately/during-your-tenancy/if-you-get-a-section-21-notice/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-privately/during-your-tenancy/if-you-get-a-section-21-notice/

My lo has been asleep for two hours now 🤣 got a lot done.

This seems like a horrid situation - once you are divorced he will be obliged to give money to you & DCs - whether he does it or not a different situation - but I would not let him off because he earns a great deal - hard to tell whether he would pay that - can you go to your mum & Dad's in the interim before divorce ( I assume you have initiated that - the divorce ) So few months with less money . & also maybe he is not worth as much as he likes to portray -

I understand horrid but please don't stay with a chap who pretends he is worth a fortune & does not do it. Times change and once sorted you could have a very much better life with DCs - For all the tea in China - I would not want to rely on money from someone who sounds like he. It sounds like your parents have supported you.

Honestly not worth staying with someone who is rubbish. There is normally a way to get through it
I wish you well @MollysDolly

I can't do much until he's out, he will just go through my things and take pictures of any solicitor correspondence, so he knows every step we are taking, so I'm holding off until he's not physically present.

Could you get the correspondence sent to a different address - your parents? You’ve probably thought of that, but just incase… I know I can struggle to see the wood for the trees when I’m stressed.

If not, I don’t think the S21 idea will work fast enough. Right now they’d need to serve you notice, and presuming he wouldn’t agree to go, you’d need to wait until they had a court order and bailiffs removed you. They’d need to issue a valid S21, prove that they’ve kept everything legally as it needs to be (gas checks etc), protected your deposit; etc. Once you’ve been issued a valid S21, you’ve got two months to leave before they apply to take you to court, and you’re likely looking at six months or so before it’ll get heard due to backlogs at the moment. Then a month or two for bailiffs to attend and remove you.

A divorce might be faster than that, potentially.

Otherwise; someone above has shared the Occupation order page from the gov website, which talks you through if you’d be eligible and how it works. I’m not sure what the backlog is for those at the moment - I hope someone can tell you.

And I hope you get him gone soon

[quote oviraptor21]You can't chuck him out.

You could get an occupation order if domestic violence is involved (citizens advice can help with this)

Your parents could serve you with a section 21 notice (seeking to evict you) but may need to go to.court to get a possession order against your DH. They should seek advice on how to do this most efficiently.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/#h-if-your-ex-partner-wants-you-to-move-out

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/#h-if-your-ex-partner-is-threatening-violent-or-abusive

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/advisernet/family/ending-a-relationship/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/#h-applying-online-through-citizens-advice

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-privately/during-your-tenancy/if-you-get-a-section-21-notice/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-privately/during-your-tenancy/if-you-get-a-section-21-notice/[/quote]
I think it's looking that the occupation order is the way. I can't afford solicitors fees right now and I'm worried about putting something on there that will trigger a chain reaction.

I presume I have to put on there why he needs to leave/is not reasonable for him to stay.

I'm pretty sure this was done in the non molestation order, which I then didn't submit.

Reason being was that the NMO would somehow "flag up" and his governing body would essentially strike him off, and he'd get sacked.

Now I don't know if it's because an NMO gets registered, or published somewhere that professional bodies check. I'm not sure how this flags up to them. Perhaps someone who knows the score could advise?

I'm thinking an NMO is about behaviour that a professional body won't accept, hence the striking off. But an occupation order seems to be quite common in divorce, and I can't imagine it's got the same effect.

Am I safe to put, abusive behaviour as the reason someone needs to leave. Or will this trigger social services/police as the courts have a duty to inform? Can professional bodies see occupation orders, and gain the same information?

Just a bit anxious about putting the wrong thing and ending up with the same result as if I'd called the police myself.

Also, to get it fast tracked, I have to put down that he's abusive/we aren't safe. That's going to trigger something from that as well I imagine...

It’s a civil order in the family court. They aren’t made public

So it won't impact his ability to get another rental agreement, as the eviction would.

Ah. Family court. So they will run a quick police database check on him and me if I submit the occupation order, (as children involved) and his is going to come back as long as his arm. Then the courts will do that cafcass thing?

Eviction doesn’t prevent getting a rental (although why would he need to rent with a v high income, could he not just buy somewhere?)

@VanCleefArpels

Eviction doesn’t prevent getting a rental (although why would he need to rent with a v high income, could he not just buy somewhere?)

Someone said upthread that it did. Never mind.

No, he rents. Always. I literally have no idea why.

We were originally looking at buying a home, as I hate renting. Despite it being his preference. I thought, ah, this might be security, or at least some extra cash at divorce.

Then realised, he would only put the minimum deposit down, to ensure the mortgage was so sizeable I couldn't ever afford it on my own. I'd have lost my safe house from my parents as they'd have put a new tenant in it, and be trapped with him in the house he controlled, with literally nowhere to go, and zero equity in it anyway. I made excuses as to why it was better to stay here.

can I ask, as you say he's cramming as much into his pension as he can to keep child maint to a minimum, £200K you say. But the child maint is for the DC, when you divorce you will be entitled to a share of his pension, no? or am I missing something? if he's increasing his pension pot now, half of those contributions are yours.

@RaspberrySchnapps

can I ask, as you say he's cramming as much into his pension as he can to keep child maint to a minimum, £200K you say. But the child maint is for the DC, when you divorce you will be entitled to a share of his pension, no? or am I missing something? if he's increasing his pension pot now, half of those contributions are yours.

FFS! I know this, so why had this actually not occurred to me?!!!!!

Thank you for pointing this out! There's so much in my head at the moment, it's easy to forget the obvious.

why? because you are doing all the emotional heavy lifting, living day to day so can't see the wood for the trees. don't be hard on yourself.

you need a good divorce lawyer to deal with the practicalities, who can make sure he isn't hiding assets and ensure you receive a fair settlement.

divorce the dick. but get all paperwork and im sure you can pay extra to have a financial audit done or something? Something thats like a private investigator for money?
He would be the type to hide shit loads.

Half is yours. Including his pension.

So given that ^ I would be telling him to get the fuck out or you will go after everything including spousal maintenance.
watch him move

Hes not on the tenancy so has no rights to be there. How you get him to go thought us another matter.

The quickest option...give your parents 1 months notice, then get the locks changed. Then they reissue a new tenancy.

Hes not on the tenancy so has no rights to be there

This is completely untrue...

Speak to a good divorce lawyer
Claim half his pension
Live off that ie provide for dc with that
Long term what will you live off anyway once dc grown up?

OP won't be able to live off his pension until she is 55. I am guessing she's not there yet.

I missed they were married only 2.5 years.
Anyway op needs a lawyer

Op I wish you all the best.

My one concern about your plan is that surely a DBS needs renewing at some point? What happens then regarding your h's job?

Such a difficult situation.
You say telling him you are going to do something won't work because he won't believe you. So telling him either he leaves or you apply for X, y, z and showing him the filled in paperwork and saying one week or this gets posted wouldn't work?
If absolutely nothing else would work then your only option in the short term is to give notice to your parents, move in with them temporarily (even if this means sleeping on air mattresses on the floor!) They then go through the eviction process. You begin divorce proceedings and move back into the house with a new tenancy. If you are formally separated with a tenancy agreement in your name only dated after you formally split and you began the process then you'd have better luck keeping him out perhaps

Please don't be rude to me if it is another thing you think won't work. People are just trying to help by suggesting any possibility or combinations of things they think might work.

You begin divorce proceedings and move back into the house with a new tenancy. If you are formally separated with a tenancy agreement in your name only dated after you formally split and you began the process then you'd have better luck keeping him out perhaps

This won't work, as itvwill still be the family home and he will still have a matrimonial right of occupation.

OP needs to just get on with the divorce, and the Occupation Order application

And please, OP, don't be rude about legal aid lawyers. Plenty of us are very good at our jobs.

@MollysDolly what do you think is going to happen if you changed the locks?